It is what she wants, I told myself.
In reality, I know the truth—that staying away from Lydia is an act of self-defense. For to spend any length of time inher presence is enough to set my imagination into overdrive, conjuring up new ideas of what our life together could be like, if only she was not so determined to leave Ril II. And me.
“…not in her room or anywhere else in the house,” she is saying, walking a circle around the kitchen, as I focus my attention. “Harlee and Roan haven’t seen her. And we contacted Briar and Sorin. They just got back to their place, but Chloe isn’t with them, either.”
“She went with Atakis.” Dragging my datapad across the table, I check the scanners, but the ship has already moved too far beyond our planet for me to track. Next, I turn the scanners to the planet’s surface, using heat signals to hunt for signs of life. There is nothing but wind and dust.
“How could you let her escape?”
“Me?” I give my head a shake, trying to dissipate the last of my grogginess, even as my anger flares. Chloe has no scudding clue what trouble she has gotten herself into. The fool should have stayed in the house, where she was safe.
And Lydia—she always knows exactly what to say to ignite my temper.
She heightens all of my emotions—the good and the bad. And I have no defense against her, except to grit my teeth on my oncoming growl and to escape this conversation as quickly as possible.
“You didn’t see her sneaking on board?” Lydia returns to my side so that she can study the screen of my datapad, for all that she will be unable to understand the readings. “There isn’t anywhere to hide outside, so youmusthave seen her approach.”
“We were carrying Nufaral?—”
“All of you together?” she interrupts. “You or Sorin or Roan didn’t think to wait at the ship while the other two carried boxes?”
“No. I did not believe any of you would be so scudding foolish.” I cannot stop the growl this time, furious at Lydia. Angry at Chloe. And annoyed at myself for not guessing something like this would happen.
“She was desperate,” Lydia says, the words short and sharp. “Desperate people do desperate things. I should know.” She mutters that last part, as if speaking from personal experience.
I clench my fists as a sudden and shrill ringing in my ears drowns out all of the other sounds, the thought of Lydia stowing away on Atakis’s Freighter clogging up my mind. Was she desperate enough to have considered doing the same as Chloe? How close had she come to sneaking aboard, too?
Absurdly, my next thought is of Sorin and Briar standing outside together in the wind early this morning, and of Sorin trying to tuck Briar’s knotted hair behind her ears, and of Briar smiling at him, all the while knowing he wasn’t going to succeed but loving the feel of his hands in her hair anyway.
I force my hands behind my back, every cell of my body wanting to reach for Lydia. To hold her close and to never let her go. With a yearning so strong it nearly floors me, I want Lydia to feel safe and loved and happy withme.Most of all, I want her to never ever get so scudding desperate that she considers, even for a second, sneaking onboard someone else’s ship to escape.
The idea of her being at the mercy of Atakis is enough to tear the air from my lungs.
“Earth to Killan…” Lydia waves a hand in front of my face, and I blink. “I said, could we message this Atakis guy and ask him to come back?”
I stand to give myself a reason for not answering immediately. When I do speak, I keep tight control of my voice. “We would need to give him a good reason to make it worth returning. It would delay his progress, and he has other contracts to fulfil after ours.”
“Chloe being on board his ship feels like a pretty good reason to me.”
“No.”
“No?” Lydia steps around me so we are face to face, her eyes are feverishly bright. “What do you mean,no?”
“It is not a good enough reason. We cannot risk telling Atakis about Chloe when there is a possible chance that he does not know about her being aboard.”
“You mean because he’s acreep?”
“A creee-p?” I repeat the unfamiliar word, a short puff of air to create the final “p” sound.
“A bad man,” she explains. “A creep.”
“Yes. Her best hope is to remain undiscovered until they land at Ril I. There, she may have some luck locating help.” If Atakis does not find her first, which he probably will. “Chloe made her choice. She must deal with the consequences.” Chloe is the least of my concerns, selfishly obsessed with Lydia as I am.
“But—” Lydia splutters. “But we can’t let her get away! Her being trapped here was supposed to be her punishment for helping kidnap Harlee, Briar, and me.”
“I know?—”
“She can’t have left. That isn’t fair.Fuck!” Lydia pushes shaking fingers through her too-long hair as the color flees her face. “I should’ve checked her room properly. I should’ve?—"
