“I’ll explain everything, okay? I’ll come by after this is done.”
She hesitates to answer, and I know she’s going to tell me I’m not welcome in her home. She’s an amazing mom, and I know that she’s thinking I’m dangerous.
“Please, Shina, this changes nothing, okay? Just give me a few hours.”
“Okay,” she sighs, then walks out the door, leaving me feeling uncertain and scared that I may have just lost her for good.
Shina
I wait until I am in my car to completely lose my shit. The mafia? Are you fucking kidding me right now? Damn, I sure know how to pick guys, right?
Why can't I ever catch a damn break. I knew I shouldn't have started something with Rock. But he was so convincing. I thought he was different.
The way he is with me and the kids… okay, maybe his family shouldn't be a factor to whether he makes me feel safe or not, but the fucking mafia?
I need to put the kids ahead of myself. They deserve a safe and happy home. We all do. And bringing Rock's family into the mix… it just holds too many unknown variables.
I start the engine and glance at the clock. It’s past midnight, but early for my standards. Grabbing my phone, I quickly text Alla to warn her I'm coming home now.
I don't want her to be afraid someone is breaking in. Though I guess now that Patrick is gone I won't have to have such high security.
God, I still can't believe I'm actually free.
It doesn't take me long to drive home. When I reach the garage, I park in front of it, then enter through the side door by the kitchen.
I really need a drink and a hot bath. So much has happened the past few days, and I need time to process it.
I grab a bottle of wine, forego a glass, and walk towards the stairs. The Christmas tree lights are on. I enter the den, and Leena pops her head up.
Her nose is red and cheeks wet.
“Hey, what are you still doing awake?” I move closer to her and perch on the edge of a couch cushion, then place the wine on the coffee table.
“I couldn't sleep. I was scared you wouldn't come home. So many people leave us… I just needed to make sure you came back.”
“Oh, honey. I will never leave you. I am going to be glued to your side. Soon you will hate me.”
She laughs and looks up at me. Her eyes remind me so much of Lexi… of myself. They are shadowed with pain, and I wish more than anything to wipe those blues away.
There will be no more gray skies in this fucking family. We deserve some good, some happy times.
“Better?” I ask as she yawns and then looks at the television.
“Do you think maybe I could stay up a little longer? With you? Maybe watch a movie?”
A piece of the barbed wire I have wrapped around my heart cracks, and I smile.
“I would seriously love that. How about we make some hot chocolate and watch my favorite Christmas flick?”
She giggles, jumps to her feet and then runs to the kitchen. I grab the wine and return it to the fridge, then grab two pods of hot cocoa and pop them into the Keurig.
Leena grabs some whipped cream and the tiny marshmallows the twins love.
Soon we are bundled up in cozy blankets, drinking our cocoa and watchingMiracle on 34th Street.
It's an older movie, but I love it. Leena seems to be enjoying it too, and I just take in the moment.
“Hey,” I say, nudging her with my toes. “We should do this every other weekend. Just us. Make it a new tradition. I'll be sure to come home early.”
