Eli
25
Rowan hadn't said anything in a while. He sat with his elbows on his knees, staring down at the floor like he was trying to make sense of it all. I kept a hand steady against his back, rubbing slow circles near the base of his neck. I could feel how tightly wound he still was, even as he tried to calm himself down.
The worst of the adrenaline had started to drain out of me, but it left behind a tightness in my chest that I couldn't seem to shake. I did my best to force it down. Rowan didn't need my anger on top of everything else.
He looked drained down to the bones. And the more I watched him, the more the worry set in. What if Marcus tried this again and I wasn't here? Today could've gone very differently. I didn't know he'd be outside Rowan's door. I just happened to be on my way and got the camera alert right before I reached the building.
Next time, it might not go that way.
Rowan was trying to hold himself together, but it was clear his nerves were fraying. And I didn't know what I could do without making it worse.
I hated how helpless I felt. I could handle a hundred versions of Marcus showing up at the door. But watching Rowan shrink back into himself and knowing there was nothingI could say to make it better? I couldn't stand it.
Rowan finally stirred beside me. He sat up slowly and leaned back against the sofa with a tired exhale. For now, at least, he looked calmer, but he might have also passed out from sheer exhaustion if he sat still for too long.
"Thanks for stepping in with Mrs Cavanagh." His voice was quiet, a little rough, but clear.
"You don't have to thank me for that. Of course I did."
He stared up at the ceiling and wouldn't look at me. "I should've done something. I wanted to. I just... I couldn't make my fucking legs work." The frustration in his voice caught me off guard, but it didn't take much to figure out where it came from.
It came from all the times he'd frozen or felt useless. All the weight he thought he was making everyone else carry. It was written in the tight set of his jaw and the way his shoulders tensed again.
"Ro," I said, firm but not sharp, "you don't owe anyone an explanation for that. You were in survival mode. There's no shame in that."
He didn't answer, but his throat worked around a swallow.
And because I could see him shutting down again, I added, "You'renota burden. Not to me. Not ever."
He still didn't speak. Didn't move, either. He just stayed leaning back, eyes on the ceiling and every muscle in his body drawn tight.
But something did shift. I couldn't say what exactly, but there was some small change in the way he held himself. Even though he wouldn't look at me, I could tell his mind was working. Something I said must've gotten through.
The silence dragged on after that. Long enough that it started to feel a little uncomfortable and I needed to focus my attention elsewhere. My fingers twitched with the urge to dosomething, but I couldn't come up with anything and ended up just sitting there for a few minutes.
Then I heard Rowan draw in a breath like he was about to speak. He held it, then let it out again.
I waited.
Finally, he said, "Hey, Eli... Can I – " He stopped.
I turned my head to look at him. "Yeah?"
But he just shook his head and started to get up. "Never mind."
My hand moved on a reflex. When I reached out to stop him, I only meant to catch his sleeve, but I misjudged the distance. My fingers closed too fast and too firm around his wrist. He lost his balance and stumbled – and the next thing I knew, he landed hard in my lap.
Shit. That was a mistake.
Rowan went completely still. His weight stayed heavy on my legs, but he didn't make a sound. Didn't even look at me.
I stayed perfectly still, too. I didn't want to make it worse. My hand that was still loosely wrapped around his wrist went slack and slid away. I didn't know if I'd just triggered a full-on fight-or-flight response or what, but I definitely didn't want to make him feel trapped.
"Well..." I said carefully, keeping my tone casual. "Not the most graceful landing. But I've seen worse."
That earned a twitch at the corner of his mouth. Not quite a smile, but close. He finally moved a little and started to climb off me, and I could very clearly see the flush starting to creep up his neck. "Sorry, I didn't mean to – "
