I stayed there for a few minutes, phone clenched in one hand, the other gripping the edge of the cushion. My heart was still beating too fast, so I tried to breathe through it. Slow inhales, longer exhales.
Eventually, the sharp edge dulled. The trembling in my hands faded enough that I could hide it if I had to. My ribs still ached from the sudden movement, but the pain was manageable now. Not great. But manageable.
I leaned forward and rubbed a hand over my face, then let it fall limply into my lap. But just as I started to settle, I had another thought.
I had to leave the flat.
I tried to convince myself it wasn't a big deal. It was basically a straight shot. Down the road and around the corner. That's it. It would take all of ten minutes to walk there. Fifteen tops, if I moved slow.
But even a short walk didn't feel safe anymore. Not with my chest tight and my body still healing. Not with my brain jumping at every sound I didn't immediately recognise. Not with the ghost ofhimstill lurking in every shadow of my mind.
Every step would be out in the open. No locked door to hide behind. No buffer to protect me.
I could think of no logical reason why Marcus would be anywhere between here and there. But no matter what I did to shake the fear, it clung tight to me. For all I knew, hedidalready know that I was still alive, and he was just waiting for a clean shot.
My fingers tightened around the edge of the sofa again.My palms were sweating.
I could cancel. Stay where it was safe. Or at least reschedule. I didn't have to go right this second. It could wait a few more days –
No. No, if I put it off, I'dkeepputting it off. And then I'd never get it done. I couldn't barricade myself in here forever. Sooner or later, I'd have to walk out that door. But the thought made my skin crawl.
I clenched my jaw and sat forward again, elbows on my knees, fingers threaded tight in my hair. I desperately didn't want to go anywhere. But I couldn't leave the stitches in much longer, either.
It wasn’t supposed to be this fucking hard. It was just a walk. A routine appointment. But I couldn’t stop bracing for everything to go wrong.
My fingers dug into my scalp. I hated this. I hated feeling like a cornered animal. I needed to get out. I just... I couldn’t do it alone.
Maybe I could ... ask Eli to go with me? I didn't want to drag him into something as asinine as this. But... Well...
He was already coming around every day. And it wasn't like I had to tell him anything. If he asked questions, I could just say that I wasn't feeling great – which wasn't a complete lie. I didn't have to admit that I was too damn scared to even step through my front door.
I just needed someone to walk with me. I didn't want to be alone out there.
I reached for my phone, but instead of texting him, I just stared at the black screen.
This was stupid. It wasn't even a big ask, but it still felt like too much. How pathetic did a person have to be to need someone just to walk them down the street?
I clenched my jaw and forced the thought down. It was a precaution. Nothing else.
I slowly tapped his name and opened the message app:Hey, I have to get the stitches out today. Would you be willing to –
I stopped there, reread it, deleted the last sentence, then rewrote it:Any chance you'd go with me?
That was fine. Casual. No panic buried between the lines. I hit send before I could change my mind and tossed the phone on the table.
Getting my shoes on felt like trying to fold myself into a shape my body no longer understood. Every bend sent a fresh pain through my chest. I moved slow, and my fingers were clumsy with the laces. I had to stop to catch my breath halfway through, teeth clenched so tight it made my head hurt. But I got it done. Somehow.
By the time I eased back upright and pushed myself carefully to my feet, my phone buzzed with an answer from Eli:Of course. Be there in five.
That was it. Simple. No questions. No hesitation.
My shoulders sagged, and I exhaled quietly. For the first time all day, the fear didn't feel quite so suffocating.
Eli
21
I slipped my phone back into my pocket as I crossed the street. Rowan's message still lingered in my mind:Any chance you'd go with me?
