My fingers curled tighter around my phone.
"Things have been easier lately, haven't they? You're not as stressed. You're focused. I just don't want you to slip back into habits that might bog you down again."
The guilt hit fast. I wasn't going to spiral again just by seeing Eli. That wasn't fair.
His hand rested on my shoulder as he leaned over the back of the sofa. "I'm not saying to cut him off. I know he's your best friend. I just don't want you to make things harder on yourself when you've come so far."
My jaw tightened. He did have a point. I'd been feeling better, and things had been steady. If I gave in now and let Eli pull me back into all of it, I might end up right back where I started.
I sighed. "Yeah... I'll reschedule."
A pleased smile appeared on his face a little too quickly. He gave my shoulder a quick squeeze and wandered back to the kitchen.
My phone screen was still open. Eli's message sat there, waiting for an answer. Reluctantly, I deleted what I'd started and typed something else:Can't this time. Sorry.
As soon as I sent it, the guilt tugged at me again. I tried to tell myself that Eli would understand. He had his own life, his own routines. He wasn't waiting on me.
And yet, brushing him off didn't feel right.
I dropped my phone onto the coffee table and leaned back to close my eyes. This was for the best. I'd see Eli some other time when things were less busy. When I was sure it wouldn't throw anything off.
Eli
11
The coffee went cold a long time ago. I wasn't sure why I didn't throw it out. It just sat there, untouched, as a quiet reminder that I'd been sitting here too long with nothing to show for it.
I turned my phone over in my hand and unlocked the screen to read the message again:Can't this time. Sorry.
It wasn't unusual for Rowan to turn down an invite this time of year. I could list half a dozen reasons why he would be too busy. The new term started soon, and I knew how much of a nightmare it could be for him to get everything ready. He'd always been meticulous about it and wanted everything in order before the first day.
I'd heard the excuse before. In fact, it was why I planned to leave this weekend. I didn't want to distract him when he was adjusting to a new schedule and new students.
But it wasn't just today. It was the same last time I asked. And the time before that. Lately, everything felt like a brush-off. Less texting, even. Vague responses meant to keep me at a distance.
I set my phone down and stared out the window. I shouldn't have been reading this much into it. But in past years, even when Rowan was buried in work, he still made time. In fact, he'd told me once that our meetups helped him reset so hecould focus and not drive himself into the ground. That was how it had always been.
This year was different.
And the only thing that had changed was Marcus.
A dull sense of irritation tugged at me, but I wasn't sure if it was directed at myself or at the situation. Or maybe at Marcus, though I didn't have anything solid I could call him out on.
That was the problem. I had my suspicions, but I couldn't prove anything. It was just a gut feeling that something wasn't right. And gut feelings didn't count for much if you didn't have anything to back them up.
I wanted to call Rowan and demand to know what was going on, make him tell me why he was pushing me away. But what was I supposed to say?Hey, I think your boyfriend's controlling you, but I don't have any proof?
That wouldn't go over well. If I was wrong, it could cause a rift. And if I was right...
Well. If I was right, I had to figure out another way to reach him.
I sighed and stared down at the screen again. Maybe I only had a feeling to go on, but if Rowan was pulling away, a conversation would tell me more than a text ever could.
Before I could change my mind, I tapped his name and brought the phone to my ear. It rang. And rang. And rang.
A sharp prickle crawled up my spine. He wasn't even going to answer? If he saw my name on the screen and planned to let it ring out –
"Hey."
