I mentioned StatMan to Jessa over text yesterday, but I didn't give her any details. Hell, I don't know any details. I shrug.
"There's nothing to tell."
"Liar. I saw you texting him last week. You get this look on your face when your phone buzzes. All flushed and distracted. It's adorable."
I do my best imitation of a scowl. "It's not adorable. It's pathetic."
"It's progress," Jessa says firmly. "You're allowed to have fun, Scout. You're allowed to want things. That's what the Naughty List is all about."
I don't answer. How can I explain wanting things feels dangerous? Every time I let myself want something, it gets taken away or used against me. It's turned into proof I'm too much or not enough.
Luckily, the Havoc scores a goal. Jessa's eyes light up. "Ooooh, I have to catch the replay!"
She's out the door before I can even say anything. My heart wants nothing more than to follow her, make sure Silas is still sitting and looking like a grumpy cave troll in a hot as fuck suit. But I know he is.
What, is he going to jump over the boards and start defending the goal in that sleek Armani getup? No. Instead, I start worrying about other things.
My very first Mobility Monday is tomorrow. In order to be prepared, I've gone a little bit overboard. I print individualized mobility cards for Monday's launch. Each one has a QRcode linking to short demonstration videos I filmed in Silas's living room last night while he was locked in his bedroom. Leading the players through the process, talking about the upsides of what I hope to add to their routines. Even some basic yoga poses.
I also add a stack of Mobility Mondays paperwork. Basically, it's a syllabus of what we're going to be doing and a simple survey to establish a baseline for each player. I get caught up in my work and don't even realize the game's over until Coach Cross and Coach Ryan come in, talking about what they could've done differently to win the game.
The team lost, then. I frown. Heading outside into the tunnel, I realize not only did I lose track of time, but I didn't talk to Silas about taking a rideshare home together. Damn.
He's gone by the time I track down my coat and purse. When I get in the door, his bedroom door's closed, the light off. It must've been a tiring game for him.
I curl up in my room with my phone and my lists spread out on the bed beside me. The Naughty List stares back at me, all those filthy things I told Jessa I wanted but have never been brave enough to actually do.
My thumbs fly across the screen before I can talk myself out of it.
Yoga4Lyfe
I had a long day. My roommate's an ass. The only bright spot is talking to you.
The reply comes fast.
StatMan12
That sucks. You live with a guy or a girl?
Yoga4Lyfe
A guy. And he's impossible. He’s needy and cold at the same time. He always seems like he doesn't know what he wants.
StatMan12
I know what I want. You.
My breath catches. Heat floods through me, settling low in my belly.
StatMan12
Tell me what you want most. Don't lie to me.
I type before fear can stop me.
Yoga4Lyfe
I want you to get me off. Talk me through it. Tell me exactly what to do.
