I stare at his message. He's probably right. I've been staring at the same paragraph for twenty minutes and it feels like the words are written in Greek. Stopping feels like giving up.
Yoga4Lyfe
What do you do? When you're stuck like this?
StatMan12
Honestly? I keep pushing until I break. It's not healthy but it's all I know how to do.
Yoga4Lyfe
That'sterrible advice.
StatMan12
I know. That's why I'm telling you to do something different. Take a break. Watch a movie. Cook some dinner. However you disassociate the best.
Yoga4Lyfe
You first.
StatMan12
Fair point. I'm not really any better.
Eventually he tells me he has to go. He has an early morning tomorrow. I reluctantly close the app and look at my proposal one more time. It's still not good enough. It might never be good enough.
I'm too exhausted to keep working.
I save the document and pack up my things. The building's dark and quiet when I leave. My car's one of three left in the lot.
Jessa's asleep by the time I get home. That's fine by me because I don't need her seeing me spiral. Food seems challenging at this late hour, so I eat handfuls of sugary cereal straight out of the box. It's not the best food for me and contributes no protein or fiber to my diet. But it's satisfying in a soul-deep way.
I should work more on the proposal. Or maybe I can practice what I'm going to say. Whatever I do, it should be something productive.
Instead I curl up on the couch and open the dating app again. My brain isn't working, so I barely know what I'm typing. He already said he was going to bed, so I'm just talking to no one.
Yoga4Lyfe
I made it home. I’m still freaking out but at least I'm freaking out somewhere comfortable.
I use the camera to send a selfie of myself on the couch. The lighting is terrible, but that’s okay. I don’t want him to see the bags under my eyes or judge my wild hair. It just feels right to send a quick snap.
Hell, maybe he’ll start getting comfortable and send something back.
A minute goes by. I put the phone down because even my sometime-sexting buddy deserves a little downtime. I sigh.Should I just go to bed?
When my phone lights up, I pounce on it. It's a message from him. My chest fills with warmth.
StatMan12
That's progress. Sort of.
Yoga4Lyfe
Thank you for talking me off the ledge tonight.
StatMan12
