CALLAN
Istare at the closed door after Renee and Thor leave, attempting to summon the courage I need to get this all out. I’ve been so busy rushing around trying to find her all night, I haven’t given much thought to what I want to say.
“I need to go home, Callan, so can we just get this over and done with?” she says, and I immediately swing my gaze to hers. She looks better now, but her face is pale and lacking her usual glow. She’s going to have the mother of all hangovers tomorrow.
“I’m sorry, Astrid.” That’s definitely the first thing I need to say.
“For what?”
“For everything I said last Saturday night and not having the balls to own up to my feelings weeks beforehand.”
“You said you didn’t have feelings. That it was all fake.”
Air whooshes out of my mouth as I claw my fingers through my hair. “I lied.” I stare straight at her. “I was lying to myself as much as to you. When you told me how you felt, I panicked. I was scared to admit it to myself, so I got defensive and lashed out at you. I felt like shite for saying that stuff, but I was all up inmy head, fighting with myself, and it took missing you this week to wake me the fuck up.”
“I was honest with you, Callan. I offered you my heart, and you rejected me outright. You didn’t even stop to consider it.” Tears well in her eyes, and I feel like the worst bastard on the planet. “You looked horrified. Do you have any idea what that did to me?”
I scoot closer on the bed, wishing I could touch her and hold her and make her see my truths. But I can tell she wouldn’t like it, and it won’t help my case. I peer deep into her eyes. “I hate myself for hurting you. The truth is, you’re far braver than me. I was a coward that night. Instead of telling you I felt the same, I ran off scared. I wouldn’t blame you if you don’t want anything to do with me again, but I swear I’m telling you the truth now.”
Pausing to draw a breath, I wish I could read the emotions crisscrossing her face. “I’m crazy about you too, Astrid. This is all new for me, and I don’t know how to do it, but if you give me a second chance, I won’t stop trying to prove how much I care about you. I missed you so fucking much this week. I wanted to fall at your feet and beg for forgiveness, but my stupid pride kept getting in the way.”
“Is this because I was with Joe?”
I work hard to restrain the anger that is instantaneous when that prick’s name is mentioned. “No, I swear it isn’t. I’d already decided to talk to you when you got home from work. Then Ana pulled that stunt at the diner, and I couldn’t find you, and when I did, it was almost too late.” The terror I’ve been brushing aside the past hour resurfaces, and I’m tempted to get in my truck, drive to that prick’s house, and finish what my mates started. But he’s not deserving of my time and attention. The only person who matters is the girl sitting on the bed. She’s been through an ordeal tonight, and I want to be here for her, however she needs me.
“Are you okay?” That should’ve been my first question. “Did he hurt you?”
“I don’t think so.” She doesn’t look sure, and it guts me.
“I can’t even think about what might’ve happened if we’d arrived much later.”
She’s quiet for a few beats, plucking the duvet with slim fingers as she talks while staring at the bed. “I’m not sure what to think. I didn’t think Joe would ever hurt me, but Renee isn’t so sure, and he must’ve seen how drunk I was, and yet he still took me up here.” Her chest heaves, and I want to pull her into my arms and make all her pain go away. Her eyes lift to mine, pain and confusion swirling in the emerald depths. “I was stupid to get so drunk.”
“It is not your fault. You should be able to get drunk when you’re among friends without worrying about anything happening to you.”
Sadness washes over her stunning features. “Yeah, you’d think so, right? But that’s not how the world works. At least not for women. I’m smarter than this, and I’m annoyed I put myself in this position.”
“He took advantage of you. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I set out to seduce him,” she admits, staring me directly in the eyes. “I was hurting, and I wanted to hurt you back. I wanted you to feel what I felt watching you and Ana kissing.”
Bile travels up my throat. “You were going to give him your virginity to spite me?”
“What? No. No!” She sits up straighter against the headboard. “I planned to make out with him, but I didn’t plan to fuck him.”
Huh, that’s not what Gwen insinuated downstairs. “Astrid, I swear to you I did not kiss Ana. She was trying to talk to me all night in the diner, but I continuously ignored her. I was outside with Riley and a few of the guys when she just came out, grabbedme, and kissed me. It happened so fast it took me a few seconds to realize what was going on, but I swear I pushed her away.Hard. She fell flat on her arse, and I warned her if she ever touched me again, I would report her for sexual harassment.”
Astrid’s brow furrows as she stares at me. “Is that really the truth?”
“I swear it on Erin’s life. That is how it went down. I hate Ana. I have no interest in her. The only girl I want isyou.”
“How can I trust anything you say? Lies seem to pop out of your mouth so easily.”
I bite on the inside of my cheek, hating how badly I’ve messed this up. “Everything was real, beautiful. I meant every word I said except for those shitty things that last time we were together. They were lies borne of fear, and they were not the truth. I have strong feelings for you, and I want to be with you. No one has ever made me feel the way you do. I promise it’s the truth. The only truth that matters. What can I do to make you believe in me again?”
“I don’t know.” She yawns as she swings her legs off the side of the bed. “I’m too hungover and too tired to think clearly.”
“I’ll do whatever it takes, Astrid.” I stand, meeting her at the end of the bed. “I’ll beg if that’s what you need, but please say you’ll at least think about it.”
