“Go on.”
She’s taking this much better than I expected, but she always was strong. “She told me if I didn’t do things her way, she would send the photos and videos to every media outlet in the UK and the US. Anonymously, of course, because fucking Scott had taught her all the IT skills she needed to pull this off.”
“He helped her?”
“No. The dumb fuck was clueless until we had a chat. Threw a few punches his way too.”
“That’s why she went out with him. Because he was a computer freak.”
“Yes, but she also told me she wanted me to see how amazing she was as a girlfriend and so much better than you.”
“Delusional bitch.”
“Like I said, she’s a sociopath and she’s full of shite. Anyway, she was using that to blackmail me. Given the interest in me at the time, I knew it would be published, and it would ruin your reputation. I didn’t give a fuck about me. My manager wouldn’t have been happy with the scandal, but it would’ve blown over for me. But not for you. Women are vilified in the media, and I knew it would damage your career prospects. She also threatened to post them on porn sites along with all your personal details. She bragged about how she’d fucked up your London college applications, and she threatened to ruin you and your parents if I didn’t go along with her plan.”
I knock back the full mouthful of whisky, feeling it settle like acid in my stomach. “Then she showed me the video of her and me from the night everything went to shit. I didn’t know at the time it was doctored to make it look like it was consensual. She said she’d send it to you, send it to my mum, my nan, put it up everywhere.”
I squeeze the ball tight as familiar pressure slams into my chest. “I was in panic mode, trying to figure out a way to prove all of this so I could go to the cops, but she was always one step ahead, and she always knew exactly what to say to make me toe the line.” I squeeze the ball repeatedly. “She said if I didn’t agree to be with her and if I told anyone, she’d make sure you paid the price. That people get into car accidents and fall down the stairs all the time. I knew then she’d murdered her gran and tried to murder Joe.”
“She’s pure evil.”
“She is, and I was terrified, Astrid. She had enough physical evidence to ruin you, and she was threatening your life. She’d already gotten away with murder, and I was scared she was going to kill you next. After paternity was confirmed and I knew Darcy was mine, I was terrified for my unborn child too. I hated that she was the one carrying my baby, and I didn’t think there was any way I could love the child, but she was my flesh and blood, and she was innocent. I knew I had to go along with Gwen’s plan, make her believe I was fully on board, so I could find the evidence she had and use it to put her behind bars. I never planned to keep Darcy. I was going to give her up for adoption.”
Pain stabs me through the heart admitting that, but it’s true. Or at least it was back then.
“Of course, after Darcy was born, when she realized I cared about her, she used that against me too. She’d threaten to cut her, drown her, smother her with a pillow, and call it a cot death.”
“Oh my god, Callan.”
“She promised me I could be the one to tell you, but she lied. I had no idea she answered my phone until I came out of the shower. I had no choice but to go along with it. The look on your face that day, and the day outside the coffee shop, and the day Iwas so fucking cruel to you at my house, haunts me repeatedly. It killed me to cut you off and shut you out. It killed me to say those things to you.”
“Did you ever consider telling me? I know I was gullible, and I always defended her, but the wool had been ripped from my eyes by then. If you’d told me what was going on, we could’ve plotted to take her down together.”
“I couldn’t risk it. She had threatened your life, and I was worried she had someone watching you. I was afraid to even breathe wrong. Scared she was going to do something to you. If you knew, you’d never have been able to fake it with her. I knew you’d be enraged and unable to hide it. I had to be the one to take her down. I pushed you away to protect you. That felt like my only choice. I needed you as far away from me and her as possible, so I did and said whatever was necessary to achieve it. It destroyed me. I hated myself so fucking much, and I was missing you like crazy. Seeing you look so thin broke me because I knew I’d done that. I hated that I was so weak. That I’d failed you. I constantly questioned whether I was doing the right thing, and I fell apart without you because you always grounded me, and the rug had been pulled from under my feet.”
“You gave interviews formally announcing her pregnancy, and you proposed to her. They shattered whatever was left of my heart.”
“She arranged those interviews without my permission, and I had no choice but to go along with it. I never proposed to her. She bought herself a ring with the proceeds from the interviews and made up a story about how I proposed. I was a walking stress ball that entire time. I barely slept and only ate to fuel my body for football, but everything tasted like dust. The only break I had from the stress was when I was on the pitch. Then my mind was focused on winning, and I was pretty invincible, but I was aggressive. I got in trouble for bad tackles, picked upyellow cards, red cards, earned myself regular lectures from the manager about my conduct, even if he was thrilled with my goal-scoring prowess.”
Astrid toys with the hem of her dress and drags her lip between her teeth as she stares at me.
“Ask it.”
“You said you never cheated, and the video was doctored to make it appear consensual.”
I nod.
“What really happened that night?”
Anger swells in my chest, mixing with the ever-present pain. I squeeze the ball repeatedly. She watches me carefully, and all manner of emotions flits across her face. I imagine she’s overwhelmed because she’s been far too calm. I know from personal experience that it will take time to process everything, and she still doesn’t know the rest.
“If you can’t talk about it?—”
“I want to tell you, but it never gets easier saying it.”
Tears well in her eyes. “What did she do to you, Callan?”
Tears prick the backs of my eyes, but I hold my composure. “I need to give you a little more background. I’d hired a few different PIs to help me locate wherever Gwen was hiding the evidence, but they kept coming up empty. They hacked into her devices and cloud apps and drew a blank. I was getting frustrated, unable to keep up pretenses with Gwen at this stage. She’d been trying to get me to fuck her for months, but it was the one thing I refused. I told her outright I would never fuck her. She threw a few hissy fits, but I knew she wouldn’t do anything to you as long as outwardly it looked like she’d won. She was living the life of a footballer’s fiancée and lapping up all the free gifts she was receiving and the media attention.
