“You’re an amazing father,” Caleb adds. “And I get why you don’t want to complicate things, but don’t shut yourself off to the possibility. Look at what I did? I wasted years denying what I felt for a bunch of reasons that seemed valid at the time, but in reality, they were bullshit. I don’t want you to do the same.”
“Out of all of us, you were the one most suited to getting hitched and having a family. I hate what that bitch Aliya did to you, but not all women are like her,” Giulio adds. “I don’t regret my short-lived marriage. I’m upset it didn’t work out, but I don’t regret it, and I will remarry at some point. I hate seeing you so determined to abandon any hope of a relationship. You dated a few rotten eggs. Probably got them out of your system now. There are lots of good women out there who will love Elio like their own.”
Caleb gestures toward Sloane and Elio. She’s holding him up while he scales the monkey bars, laughing and cheering him on, and he’s grinning like it’s his birthday. “She adores him. It’s plain to see.”
“And he adores her right back,” Joshua says.
“I’ve seen the way she looks at you,” Giulio supplies. “The attraction is not one-sided.”
“It still can’t happen. I’m tempted. So fucking tempted, but I can’t risk it. If I went for it and it didn’t work out, she’d have to leave, and Elio would be devastated. He’s just lost one nanny. I don’t want him to lose another.”
“He might lose a nanny but gain a mother,” Joshua quietly says. “I understand your reservations, and it’s too early to know if it’s worth taking a risk, so I think you’re right to hold back for now. But if you develop feelings for her, don’t deny them, Cristian. If I’d done the same, I wouldn’t be married to the love of my life now. Don’t shut her out if there’s a possibility you two could have a future together. You’ll only regret it if you do.”
12
SLOANE
Laughter and raised voices greet me when I reach the bottom step of the stairs in Gia and Joshua’s palatial house. Following the sound, I discover the adults congregated in the large, plush living space, spread out across the two white leather sectionals in front of a blazing open fire.
Everyone is here tonight. Little Nico is having a sleepover because his parents didn’t want to leave him in the house next door, asleep on his own, even if this estate has the best security systems and they have a baby monitor. I can’t fault Caleb and Elisa for wanting their kid to be close by. From the things Cristian has said, the Italian mafia has their fair share of enemies, and if it was me, I’d be overprotective of my kid too.
It only reaffirms I did the right thing leaving my cartel cell behind, even if I’m sick to my stomach knowing my mother is paying that price right now. Nerves prod at me as I stand back, feeling like an intruder. They’ve all been so nice and welcoming; making sure I’m included in every conversation and I don’t feel left out. Shame has a stranglehold on my insides, warring with the usual guilt and fear. I’m the enemy in their midst, and they have no clue. I hate what I’m being forced to do, but it is what it is, and I’ve got a part to play. Time is ticking, and if I don’t produce something tomorrow, Pablo will seriously hurt my mother to make a point.
I clear my throat, and every head whips in my direction. “They’re all asleep,” I confirm, standing awkwardly behind the couches.
“You’re an angel,” Elisa says, scooting up and patting the empty space beside her. “Come sit. We have wine.”
“You didn’t have to do that, Sloane.” Cristian’s intense attention sends fiery shivers tiptoeing up and down my spine as I walk toward the girls. “Thank you.”
“Our kids already have you twisted around their little fingers.” Caleb grins as he lifts a bottle of beer to his lips. “It was manipulation at its finest.”
“What would you like to drink?” Gia asks.
“Wine is good. Thanks,” I say, sinking onto the couch in between Gia and Elisa. “I didn’t mind,” I tell Caleb, looking over at him. He’s seated at the end of the other couch with Cristian on his left. “They’re the sweetest kids. Adorable and so well-mannered. You should all be proud.” I was flattered the kids wanted me to read them a bedtime story, and it wasn’t a chore.
“We’re honored to be their parents.” Elisa hands me a glass of lush red wine. “I just love being a mother.”
“Do you want kids, Sloane?” Caleb asks, his eyes boring a hole in the side of my head.
“Caleb! That’s a really personal question.” Elisa shakes her head, warning him with her eyes. “Ignore him, you don’t have to answer.”
“We’re all friends here,” Giulio says. “You’ll quickly discover that means nothing is sacred and no topic is off-limits.”
“It’s an invasion of Sloane’s privacy.” Cristian glares at his friends. “Drop it and stop being rude.”
“I want kids,” I truthfully admit, because answering seems the best way to avoid an argument. “Though it’s not in the cards for a long time.”
If at all. It’s not like I can plan anything anymore. The thought is sobering and upsetting. On several occasions this past week, I’ve fallen into the fantasy, almost forgetting the reality of my situation. Every time I crash-land into the nightmare of my current existence, it’s like stabbing myself through the heart. I’m trying to stay focused, to remember I’m doing this to save Mom, but it’s hard sometimes not to let my mind wander to all the plans I had for my future. A future that evaporated in an instant the moment I stepped foot in that Russian bar that fateful night.
“You’ll make an amazing mother,” Elisa says, yanking me out of my head. “If our kids are any indication, children naturally gravitate to you because you have a warm, nurturing, and fun side.”
“That’s very kind of you to say.” I sip my wine, fighting the growing turmoil inside me.
“So, Sloane.” Giulio’s eyes twinkle with mischief as he stares at me. “Are you dating anyone right now?”
“Giulio.” Cristian manages to convey such menace with that one word—it’s impressive.
“I’m casually dating, but it’s not serious at all,” I say before lifting the wineglass to my lips.
