Arlo graduated from RU last year and he’s working with his father at Manning Motors. I know he has demons from the trauma of everything that happened, but he seems happy even if I can tell there’s something on his mind.
Career-wise, things couldn’t be better too. My business is thriving, and we’ve massively expanded over the years, adding more staff and new clients.
Everything is amazing except for one thing: I can’t give my husband a baby.
And it’s slowly killing me inside.
I give myself another few minutes to deal with my shit, and then I pull myself together and head out to the kitchen. My husband is at the stove, raising a wooden spoon to his lips to taste the sauce he’s making. Fuck, he’s so hot. Still every bit as ripped as he was the day I met him. There may be a few gray strands in his hair and some fine lines by his eyes, but he’s every bit as gorgeous to me.
“Hey, Vixen.” Drew drags his gaze over the length of my fitted black dress. “Fuck, you look edible. Come here.” He beckons me with possessive eyes loaded with dark promise, and a delicious tremor tiptoes up my spine.
Drew reels me into his arms when I reach him, planting a passionate kiss on my lips, and it’s everything I need. I get lost in my husband, melting against Drew and clinging to him with a desperation that isn’t me.
“Hey.” Drew cradles my face in his hands. “What’s wrong?”
I stiffen in his arms. “Nothing’s wrong,” I lie. I can’t tell him I’ve failed him again. I just can’t.
“Darling, please don’t do that.” His thumbs smooth out the creases in my brow. “Don’t shut me out.” His eyes pop wide for a split second, and I know he’s figured it out.
Tears spring to my eyes unbidden, and that sob I trapped earlier makes a break for freedom. A strangled inhuman sound tears from my throat, bouncing off the walls of our silent home. Drew mentioned Arlo is joining us for dinner, but he’s gone home to get showered and changed.
“Oh, honey. I’m so sorry.” He holds me closer, pressing my face to his chest as he discreetly turns off the stove. Drew lifts me effortlessly, carrying me over to the dining table. He pulls out a chair and sits down, placing me on his lap. “It was negative?”
Tears slide down my face, and I sob as I nod in confirmation. I bury my face in his neck and cry my heart out. Drew holds me during it all, running his hand up and down my back, dotting kisses into my hair and whispering comforting words.
“I’m sorry,” I say when I’ve finally stopped crying. “I’m sorry I’m failing you.”
“You’re not, Thena.” He dabs at my eyes with a tissue. “You could never fail me. You’re perfect.”
“Except I can’t give you the one thing you want.”
“Athena.” He holds my face firmly, forcing my tearstained gaze to his. “I have you and Arlo, and that’s all I want and need. We can stop trying right now if this is too much. I don’t need another child to feel complete. I have the best life, and yes, a baby would be amazing, but if it’s not meant to be, I can live with that.”
His features soften as he caresses my face with the tips of his fingers. “It’s only been a year, honey. The doctor said it could take that long,” he reminds me.
“I feel like such a failure as a woman,” I admit, toying with the ends of his hair. “Jane gave you a child, and I want to give you one so badly. I want a child who is a little bit of you and little bit of me.”
“This is about Jane?” he inquires.
I shake my head. “No, not really.” I grab the tissue and blow my nose. “It’s not like it’s a competition, and you know how much I love Arlo. He’s always been more like a son to me than a brother. It’s just—” It’s so hard to articulate how I’m feeling. Sometimes I don’t even understand it myself. “She gave you something I can’t, and it’s killing me.”
“I didn’t know you felt like this. I know you’ve been disappointed, as I have, but you didn’t tell me any of this.”
I’ve been hiding my true emotions from him and trying not to stress because that doesn’t help. “I didn’t want you to worry, and at first, I wasn’t too concerned because I’ve been on birth control for so long and I’m older too, but it’s been a year now, and every month, I die a little more inside.”
“What the doctor said is true. I backed it up with online research, so this isn’t completely unusual. It can take that long for couples in our situation. You’re only thirty-eight, and women are having babies well into their forties, so there is still plenty of time.”
“Infertility runs in my family.” It hurts to say those words because it dredges up painful memories of my parents. “What if it’s me? What if I can’t have kids?”
“Here’s what we’re going to do.” Drew’s eyes shine with determination. “We’ll both get tested, and if there is an issue, we’ll look at our options. IVF and surrogacy offer ways to have our own baby. It’s not insurmountable, honey. If you want a baby, I’ll give you a baby.”
“You want a baby?” Arlo asks with surprise threading through his words as he appears in the kitchen doorway.
“More than anything in the world,” I admit, circling my arms around Drew.
“I didn’t think you wanted kids.” Arlo claims the seat beside us.
“I didn’t. But then I met your dad, and I changed my mind.”
