For Dad.
Not Caleb.
Pain lances across my chest like always when I think of him, but I purposely force it aside.
“Please don’t say that or ever mean it,” she says, stuffing the envelope into her book bag, as I stand and stretch my back. I won’t miss the seats in the auditoriums after I graduate in a few months. “Those cunts aren’t worth it. Andhe’sdefinitely not worth it.”
“I know, and I wasn’t serious. Even though I was devastated, I’d never do that.” I shuffle along the row behind the best friend I have at NYU. For multiple reasons, I need to keep my friends list small and tight-knit. It’s not easy to let people in when youhave to hide a huge chunk of your life from them. Shea knows more than most because she has proven herself trustworthy over the past three and a half years. But I have kept most of my secrets from her, because they could get her killed, and I haven’t divulged details to any of our other friends, and that’s the way it’ll stay.
“You have Seb now, and he’s totally head over heels for you.” She loops her arm through mine and smiles as we make our way out of the lecture hall.
“He’s sweet and very attentive.” I chew on my lip as we exit through the doorway.
“Spit it out, babe.”
Heat warms my cheeks. “He told me he loves me last night.”
She examines my face. “Isn’t that a good thing?”
I shrug. “I don’t know.” We part to sidestep a dude charging through the exiting crowd like a gun-toting madman is hot on his heels. “I wish I returned his feelings, but I’m hoping in time I will. Mom says there are many different kinds of love and some relationships are quick to develop while other love takes longer to grow. Perhaps Seb and I are a slow-burn romance, like some of the romances I read. Mom and Alesso took their time being together, even though they had strong feelings for one another from the start. Now, they are so in love and ridiculously happy, and I really want that someday.”
“I thought you didn’t believe in love anymore?” she asks, steering me out through the main doors.
“I still believe in love. I just don’t know if I believe in itfor meanymore.”
“Well, don’t look to me for a pep talk. You already know my thoughts on the subject.”
Shea’s bio dad skipped out when she was two, and she hasn’t seen him since. Her mom went through a succession of boyfriends, enduring three canceled engagements beforemarrying Pedro. He lasted long enough to knock her up before he ran off with his assistant. On his way out of town, he cleaned out their bank account, sold Shea’s mom’s car for cash, and they only discovered he hadn’t been making the mortgage payments when a dude showed up at their door a month later with a repossession order.
After Shea’s little brother was born, her mom fell off the rails, drowning herself in the bottom of a bottle. Then she started stripping and hooking to afford her newfound alcohol and drug addiction, leaving her daughter to pick up the pieces time and time again.
Shea is on a scholarship, and she has come close to losing it a few times, thanks to her deadbeat Mom. So, yeah, I get why Shea doesn’t believe in love and why she has sworn off dating. She fucks guys when it suits her but never accepts any of their offers to date. Can’t say I wouldn’t do the same in her shoes.
“Maybe I should be more like you.” I grip the straps of my backpack. “Perhaps I should give up on dating and just find some fuck buddies to screw my way through the last few months of college.”
Shea’s face scrunches up. “I’m a bad example. Don’t emulate me.”
“You don’t have it in you,Lili,” someone says in a sneering voice from behind, and my stomach plummets to my toes.
“Fuck off, skank.” Shea immediately has my back, keeping close to me as we turn to face my archnemesis.
“You’re pathetic, and it’s only a matter of time before Seb grows tired of you.” Gwyneth rakes a derisory gaze up and down my body. “How the fuck you convinced him to date you is beyond belief, but he’ll wise up soon.”
I don’t disagree, not that I’m voicing that sentiment. Seb is one of the most popular guys on campus, and he’s been asking me out all year before I caved and said yes. I still don’t fullyunderstand it or why I’m not more into it because he’s hot, charming, smart, and funny. Perfect boyfriend material, and I’m the envy of lots of girls at NYU.
Gwyneth pushes her face all up in mine. “Just like Caleb did.”
I grind my teeth to the molars and glare at her. “You think you know it all, but you know nothing.”
“I know I rocked his world and you never will.” She flashes me a smug grin. “You’re always destined to be a loser, and losers never get the guy.”
Chapter Six
Elisa
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Shea asks me for the umpteenth time as I wait outside the NYU bookstore for my Uber to show up.
“No, but I’m still doing it.” I level a resolute look at my best friend. “I need him to look me in the eye and tell me why he broke his promise. It’s the only thing I have ever asked of him, and I need to know why. And whyher? I don’t get it.”
