“No.” Vivien pushes firmly on my shoulders. “I can’t do this.”
I immediately release her and step back, knowing I’ve lost her. Disappointment swirls in my veins, but this isn’t about me. She’s stopping this for a reason, and I need her to say it. “What are you so afraid of? I won’t hurt you. I promise.” Pain spreads across my chest when her eyes automatically fill with tears.
“You shouldn’t make promises you don’t know you can keep.”
Instinctively, I reach for her, needing to hold her and comfort her, but she evades my touch, running along the hallway and exiting through the door.
I don’t immediately follow because Vivien is right. I’m lying to myself as much as I’m lying to her. I can’t promise Vivien I won’t hurt her. Not when my entire plan hinges on her falling so desperately in love with me she’ll be a broken shell when she returns to him.
I don’t know how long I stay in the hallway, torturing myself with so many conflicting emotions and thoughts, but my heart is still heavy when I finally make my way outside.
Vivien, Audrey, and Ash are long gone by the time I make it back downstairs to our regular table in the pub. I order a beer and take a seat beside Conor, still all up in my feelings. Ro is making out with some bird in the corner—that didn’t take long—and Aoife is perched on Jay’s lap. Breda isn’t around. Lucky for her as I’m liable to do anything to that bitch if she dares show her face here again tonight. I’ll definitely be calling the manager tomorrow and getting her barred.
“Dillon.”
Hell no. I do not have the patience for this. “Fuck off, Aoife,” I say without even looking up at her.
“I need to say something, and I swear I’ll never come near you again.”
I snort out a harsh laugh. “You sound like a broken record, and your words are empty.” A lot like the ache in my chest, which is back full force. I swallow a mouthful of beer, wishing I could rewind time and get a do-over.
The seat dips beside me, and I growl in annoyance, planning to ignore her until she gets the fucking message and pisses off.
“I’m so sorry about last night, Dillon. It was unforgivable, and you’re right; if any man did that, there’d be hell to pay.”
Against my better judgment, I turn my head and look at her.
She stares at me with big, sad eyes, clutching her hands nervously in her lap. “I’m disgusted with myself and so incredibly sorry for treating you like that. I know I don’t deserve it, but I’m hoping some day you can find it in your heart to forgive me. It was a mistake. You’ve been telling me, and I haven’t been listening. That’s all on me.”
Her eyes drop to her lap. “I know we are over, and I respect your decision. I won’t touch you again or even speak to youunless you want me to. I promise I will respect the boundaries you’ve set. I understand I’m not welcome to stay over at your place, and that’s totally fine. I get it.” She raises her gaze to mine. “Just please don’t take all this from me.” Her eyes dart around the crowded pub. “I don’t have much in my life. I hate my job. My family suck. I don’t have many friends. I live for this scene. Music soothes my soul, and getting to be around the band, to feel like a part of something, it matters more than I can say.”
Her voice is meek, and she seems sincere, but it’s so hard to trust any of the girls that frequent the indie scene.
“I won’t cause any more trouble. I promise. Just please don’t cut me off from the band.” Her eyes well up as she pleads with me. “I’m begging, Dil.”
I hope I don’t end up regretting this. “As long as you stay away from me and respect my boundaries, I can give you one final chance, but this is it, Aoife. One more strike, and you’re permanently out.”
“Thank you, Dillon.” She moves to hug me but stops herself in time when she sees the expression on my face.
“This extends to Ash and Vivien too,” I add. “You will show them respect.”
She readily nods. “I swear I won’t cause any problems.”
“Make sure of it,” I warn before returning to my beer and my sulking and dismissing her.
29
AGE 20
“We should find a manager now,” Ro argues as we get ready to leave our place for our regular Whelans set.
I work hard not to lose my temper. “We have a manager,” I snap through gritted teeth.
“Ash has no experience and no industry contacts,” Ro continues. “This could be our only shot, Dil. We can’t fuck it up.”
“The guy has only just reached out to me. It might go nowhere.” Trying to regulate my brother’s expectations is starting to feel like a full-time job.
“We need to be prepared for all possible outcomes, and Ro has a point about Ash,” Jamie interjects.
