“No, it doesn’t. What are you going to do?”
I stare into space as I sip from my mug. I take a few moments to respond. “The temptation to bury myself at the bottom of a bottle of JD is enormous, but I can’t fall apart now.” My eyes are heavy as I fix them on her. “I have a son who needs me. A son who just lost the only daddy he’s known, and I need to be strong for him. For Easton and Vivien.” It’s time to man up and comeclean. To take ownership of the mistakes I made. I can’t begin to fix them without accepting responsibility.
She links her fingers in mine on top of the counter. “They’re going to need you.”
“If she’ll let me.”
“She’s going to need time and space. She’s grieving an enormous loss.”
“I know, but I need to at least let her know I’m here for her. That I’m not going anywhere.”
Sadness splays across Ash’s face. “She’s not going to want to hear that now, Dillon, but I understand where you’re coming from.”
“I just called Ma. Told her to get Da, Ciarán, and Shane to pack a bag, that I’d send a plane for them. It’s time I told everyone the truth.”
Our family arrives a few days later with kids and wives in tow. I told Ma over the phone that Reeve is my biological twin brother, but I haven’t revealed more than that. I need to tell them everything face to face. They’ve all seen the reports on TV and in the newspapers. It’s all the media has been discussing for days. Some of the things I’ve read are disgusting. They can’t even leave Vivien to grieve in peace.
My sisters-in-law take the kids out so I can talk to my parents and my brothers in privacy. Jay is here too. I took Conor aside the day after the hospital and told him everything. He didn’t judge, just told me he was here for me, and I appreciated it more than he knows.
“What is going on, Dillon?” Ma asks when we’re all settled in my sitting room with teas and coffees.
“I have things to tell you. Secrets I’ve been keeping for a long time.”
“I can’t believe Reeve Lancaster was your twin.” Shane shakes his head. “Like what the fuck?”
“Did Vivien know?” Ma asks. “Did Vivien know who you were to Reeve?”
There are no rule books for this kind of thing. No way of sugarcoating it, so I don’t. “No. She didn’t know, and I purposely didn’t tell her either.”
Shocked silence echoes around the room.
“I’ll fill in the gaps in a minute, but the other thing you need to know is I have a son.”
Gasps and wide-eyed stares greet my announcement.
Emotion swims in my eyes, like every time I think of my child. “I only found out recently that Vivien’s five-year-old son Easton is my biological child.”
“Jesus Fucking Christ.” Shane stands. “I don’t know about you, but I need something fucking stronger than tea for this.”
Jay and Ash organize alcoholic drinks while I tell my family everything. Simon approaching me at seventeen. Vivien landing in my lap like the perfect revenge plan. Falling in love with her only for her to return to my twin. The pain of losing her. The torment I’ve endured watching her with Reeve. Letting my anger take charge after Simon died and plotting against my twin and his wife. The horrible way I’ve treated Vivien in the past few weeks. The test confirming Easton is my son. Right up to the hospital and Vivien mistaking me for Reeve.
Ma is sobbing profusely by the time I finish, holding on to my father as she cries. Shane and Ciarán are speechless. Doubt it’s ever happened to my older brother at any other time in his life.
“I wish you’d come to me,” Da says. Pain underscores his words, and it radiates from his eyes. “I wish you’d let me handle that bastard.” His pain quickly transforms. “How dare he hurtmy son like that. How dare he blackmail you and make you feel less than you are.”
“So much makes sense now,” Ciarán says. Compassion is etched upon his face, and I’m not deserving of it. “He made you feel unworthy when he is the one who was unworthy. What kind of man, what kind of father, could do those things to his son? He’s a prick.”
“He’s fucking lucky he’s dead.” Shane cracks his knuckles. “And that I left me shotgun at home.”
“Don’t make light of this,” Ma chokes out.
“If you think I’m joking, Ma, you don’t know me very well.” Shane drills her with a look. “I want to dig that fucker up and piss on his bones for treating my brother like that.”
“Stop,” I grit out. “Don’t do this. Tell me I’m a shithead. Tell me I deserve it all because of the things I’ve done. Don’t feel sorry for me. I don’t deserve that.”
“Youarea shithead,” Shane says. “Don’t mistake my feelings. I’m gutted for you, Dil. I can’t imagine how I’d feel if the man who gave me life did those things to me. I hope Simon Lancaster is rotting in hell, but it doesn’t excuse your actions. What you did to Vivien is disgusting, both then and now.”
“I know.”
