45
AGE 20
“He won’t talk to me either,” Ash says to Ma in a low voice, but she’s not quiet enough. “I’ve tried. He’s been like this for the past two weeks ever since he came back from L.A.”
I don’t bother confirming I can hear them talking about me because it takes too much effort to open my mouth and speak. Lifting my glass to my mouth, I take another large gulp of my beer. My family know I went chasing after Vivien, only for her to make me a laughingstock in front of the entire world.
Celebrity Land is giddy at the prospect of Hollywood’s Golden Boy reuniting with his childhood love, and it’s all I fucking see when I open social media or walk past magazine shelves in shops. The same media who hounded and humiliated Vivien have done a three-sixty, and now they can’t get enough of Hollywood’s new potential IT couple.
Ironically, it helps me to relate to what Vivien went through on a deeper level. It’s no wonder she flew thousands of miles away to escape it. I’d do anything to get away from the continual onslaught. I should be angry. Ihavebeen angry, but mostly I’m just fucking gutted and drowning under a mountain of self-loathing. I’ve lost her, and I don’t know how I’ll come back from that.
I should have done everything differently.
If I had, she’d be here with me. Not back withhim.
I hate Reeve Lancaster even more than I did before, and I know I signed that NDA, but some day, somehow, I will make him pay for everything he’s taken from me.
“Leave him be,” Shane says. “If Dillon doesn’t want to talk about it, that’s his choice.” He squeezes my shoulder in quiet support, and I’m grateful.
“We’re here if you need us, Dillon.” Ma reaches over to pat my hand. “And you should eat. You look thin.”
“I’m not hungry.” My appetite disappeared about the same time Vivien did. My heart hurts, same as always when I think about her. Pushing my uneaten plate away, I take another swig of my beer and mentally count down the hours until I can go home and lock myself away in my bedroom.
After dinner is over, I head out with Shane and Da, spending a few hours working on the farm. My brother and my dad don’t pester me, and I appreciate it. Pounding my frustration out via manual labor helps but not much.
Back at the farmhouse, I walk ahead of Ash and Ro as they say their goodbyes.
“Dil.” Ciarán pulls me into a hug. “I’m here if you need me.”
I nod, falling into his hug and letting him clap me on the back.
“I hate seeing you like this,” Ma says, fighting tears as she clings to me. “Please take care of yourself.”
“I’m fine,” I manage to croak out.
“No, you’re not.” She grasps my cheeks in her hands. “And it’s okay not to be. Just don’t bottle it all up, Dillon. Please.”
I nod again, though I’m in no state to promise my mother anything. I have zero experience dealing with personalheartbreak, and I’m clinging to the edge of my sanity by my fingernails.
Jamie sits in the passenger seat while Ro and I hop into the back seat as Ash drives us back to the city. Closing my eyes, I lean my head against the window. Even being in this car is hard. I’m used to being the one behind the wheel with my pretty American beauty bouncing in the seat by my side. But it’s Ash’s car now. Viv left it for her, which was super generous.
I suppose it’s proof their friendship was legit, though it could be the opposite. If Vivien always planned to return to Reeve, she’d know it would spell the demise of her friendship with Ash. Maybe the car was a peace offering. A way to ease her guilty conscience for doing my sister dirty.
Who knows?My mind still flits from one extreme to the other, and I can’t decide whether all of this was premeditated or not. It’s confusing as fuck, and it’s tearing me apart. Pain slams into me like a tidal wave, and if I wasn’t sitting down, I’d have fallen over. I bend over, clutching my head in my hands, as I struggle to breathe through the pain. It’s like this sometimes. Crashing into me all of a sudden, knocking me flat on my arse.
“Everything will be okay, Dil,” Ro quietly says as Jay and Ash talk privately in the front. “Wait and see. After this A&R guy sees us on Friday, it’s all going to happen. You’ll forget about her once the band takes off.”
I know he means well, and though he’s often wiser than his years, he’s showing his age and immaturity now. “I’ll never forget her,” I grit out, straightening up. Opening my eyes, I drill him with a pointed look. I told everyone the day I came back that I didn’t want to talk about Vivien ever again. That she’s Voldemort. But my brother and sister seem determined to prolong my agony, and I’m getting sick of them bringing her up.How can I move on if people keep fucking talking about her?
Indecipherable emotion flits across Ro’s face before he looks away, staring out his window.
“Can we talk?” Ash asks when we pull up to the curb outside the apartment I now share with Ronan and Conor. Ash and Jamie moved into a one-bed studio a few days after Viv left.
“No.” I climb out of the car. “Thanks for the lift.”
“Dillon!” My sister’s concerned plea follows me as I stride across the path and into the building.
I’ve only just settled on my bed with my new Fender and my notepad, ready to lose myself in music, when Ash bursts into my bedroom like a charging bull. “That was fucking rude, Dillon!” She slams the door shut, and the walls rattle with the impact. “And I’m done with this crap. We’re talking about this whether you like it or not.”
