I pull him into a quick hug. “Come on back inside. I’m freezing my balls off out here.”
Shandra is waiting in the hallway when we reenter the house. “Hey, Drew. I was hoping we could talk?”
“Sure.”
“I’ll see you in a bit,” Charlie says, smiling at Shandra as he walks by.
“Let’s talk in the library,” I suggest, and she nods, smiling shyly as she falls into step beside me.
“Have you set a date yet?” I ask.
“Not yet, but we don’t want to wait, so it’ll probably happen before next summer.”
“I’m happy for you,” I say, holding out the door to the library for her.
“Thank you,” she says as I follow her inside. Kai and I had started the fire in here earlier, and it’s toasty warm in the room now.
“Drink?” I ask as I head toward the liquor cabinet.
“Not for me.”
Well, I’m sure I’ll need alcohol for this talk, so I fix myself a large whiskey and join her by the fire.
“I owe you an apology,” she blurts as I lower into the chair across from her.
“I’m pretty sure I’m the one who needs to apologize.”
“I hate the way things were left with us, and I hate the awkwardness between us these days. It wasn’t always like that.”
“No, it wasn’t.” I cross an ankle over my knee. “I was depressed after Jane left, and you were an incredible friend to me, Shandra. You got me through those early days, and I valued your friendship highly. I’m sorry it got so messed up. I know I gave you mixed signals, and it wasn’t fair.”
“I wasn’t fair to you either, Drew.” She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear as she stares me straight in the eye. “I knew you were pining for Jane, and I knew how much you loved her. I was at school with both of you. I saw your love story firsthand. I was so happy after my engagement to Trent ended and I was matched with you. I didn’t expect anything at first, but then I got to know you, and somewhere along the way I fell for you, and I convinced myself I could have what you had with Jane.”
“I’m sorry if I led you to believe that was a possibility. The truth is I was broken and incapable of loving anyone else. Jane still owned my heart. I had sent her away to keep her safe because the elite threat was considerable. Even if there was something between us, I was never going to put you at risk.”
“Of course not. You’ve always been super protective of those you love, and I see that now in a way I couldn’t back then. You were brutally honest with me about it, Drew. You told me repeatedly we would never be more, but I was the stubborn idiot who thought she could change your mind. I clung to hope where there was none, and I pursued you when I should have just accepted the friendship you were offering and let it go.”
“I shouldn’t have let things get that far the night of Jackson and Nessa’s wedding, but you caught me at a real low point. It’s not an excuse. I’m just trying to explain how it happened. I didn’t treat you right, and for that, I am truly sorry. I never meant to hurt you, Shandra. That was the last thing I wanted.”
“I knew, deep down, you weren’t into it, Drew. You wouldn’t let me kiss you, and that should have told me everything, but I was refusing to read the signs. You’re not the only one to shoulder the blame for that night. I pushed for it knowing you didn’t feel the same way about me. I was still clinging to stupid hope, thinking if we had sex everything would be different. That you’d see me in a different light and want me. I won’t lie. When you stopped it before we crossed that line, I felt so rejected and unworthy. It hurt a lot, but even then, I still loved you. I didn’t give up hope for a long time. It took me years to get over you.”
Shame crawls over me like a dark cloud. “I didn’t know that, and I’m sorry things weren’t different. If I didn’t love Jane, maybe they might have been.”
“But you did, and I can’t fault you for that. I knew you loved her. I knew you were missing her. I chased something that was never there, and that’s on me, not you. I built it all up in my head, read so much into the tiniest thing, but that is on me, not you.”
“We were kids, Shandra. What the fuck did we really know?”
She bobs her head, sending bouncy curls tumbling around her pretty face. “It’s so much easier to look back at it now and see where everything went wrong. I cringe now when I think of some of the things I said and did. I fully believed it at the time, but I see it all so differently now. I’m sorry if I added to your pain at a time when you were already going through so much.”
“It’s water under the bridge, Shandra, and I never blamed you for anything. I hope you know that. I just felt bad because I knew I hurt you, and it was never my intention.”
“I’m really glad we cleared this up.” I can visibly see the stress leave her face.
“Me too, and I’m very happy for you and Rick. I always thought there was something there.”
“I think there was too, but we were both hung up on other people.”
“Timing is everything, and Rick is a good man. He will love you good, the way you deserve. I would never have been capable of loving you properly. I would never have been good enough.”
