“Our lives have gone in different directions, and I’m protective of what you’ve built with Kai. Your happiness means more to me than my own.”
She slams to a halt, tugging on my arm and glaring at me. “That is the biggest load of bullshit I have ever heard!” She digs her fingers into my arm. “Your happiness should matter more to you than mine. That’s your greatest flaw, you know,” she says, and the anger fades from her face as her features soften.
“We’re on to my flaws, great,” I drawl.
She smacks my chest before looping her arm through mine, and we resume walking. “You’ll do anything for your loved ones, constantly putting their needs above your own, and while it’s commendable, D, it’s not right. You can be selfish. Youshouldbe selfish. You only get one life, and it’s too short to waste it doing things you think you should be doing instead of being happy.”
“Just because my idea of happiness is different than yours doesn’t mean I’m not happy, A.”
She stops again and looks up at me. “Tell me to my face, Drew. Tell me you’re one hundred percent happy with your life, and I’ll drop it. I won’t mention a word of it again.”
I’m so tempted to lie, but I try not to do that with my sister. There was a time I had to lie and keep stuff from her to protect her from our father, but after all that shit went down with the elite, I swore I wouldn’t lie to her again. “I never said I was one hundred percent happy. I think that’s a fallacy anyway.”
“It’s not. I’m one hundred percent happy with my life. Probably more.”
“Then you’re lucky because I think it’s an anomaly.”
“I think that’s more bullshit, but I don’t want to argue. The gremlins will need to be tucked into their beds soon, so my time is precious. Tell me about Shandra.”
“Only if you promise you won’t tell her what I say. I never want to hurt her.”
“I don’t like keeping shit from my friends, but you’re my twin, Drew, and you come first. I will keep your confidence.”
Warmth floods my chest, and I wrap my arms around my sister, holding her close. “It’s you and me against the world, little bug,” I whisper like we used to when we were kids after we thought Mom died, and we were grieving while our asshole father continued living life like it was only a minor speedbump. All we had back then was one another, and I tried to be the strong one, mopping up Abby’s tears and holding her while she cried herself to sleep every night for months.
“You’re the bestest brother in the whole entire world, and I love you so much,” she whispers like she used to back then.
“I love you more than anyone on this planet, Abigail Anderson. You will always be my person.”
“And I will always be yours. I want you to know there isn’t a damn thing you could tell me that would ever change my mind. I’ve got your back, big bro, even if you keep all your secrets hidden from me.” Tears fill her eyes when we break apart. I hate that my actions have caused her pain but protecting her has to take priority.
Abby grabs my hand and drags me over to a wooden bench in front of Mom’s rose garden. We sit close, and I wrap my arm around her shoulders, tucking her in beside me to ward off the cold.
“Shandra was a great friend to me after Jane left Rydeville,” I begin explaining. “We grew closer after she became my fiancée, and I didn’t feel so empty when she was holding my hand or sitting in my lap or snuggling up to me. I didn’t realize she was reading more into it. I thought it was clear I was pining for Jane. That Jane was the love of my life.” I rest my head on top of Abby’s. “I didn’t mean to lead Shandra on, but I guess that’s what I was doing.”
“Did something happen between you before graduation?”
“Shandra kissed me. She caught me totally off guard, and I didn’t handle it well. It felt like such a betrayal to Jane. I pushed her away. Told her I was in love with Jane and she’d only ever be a friend to me. I was too harsh, and she was upset.”
“That’s why you two didn’t speak for months.”
A heavy sigh leaves my lips. “Yeah. I tried to apologize a few days later when I realized how it must have seemed to her, but she didn’t want to listen.”
“But you clearly patched things up over the summer because I remember you guys hanging out a lot, and she later told Nessa you guys had dated.”
I ease back, eyeballing my sister. “We never dated. That was all in her head.”
Abby frowns.
“Shandra extended an olive branch,” I continue explaining. “She said she was sorry for pushing me. She understood I was grieving and needed time. She asked if we could be friends. I said yes but it’d never be anything more because I wanted to be crystal clear with her so there was no further misunderstanding. She said she was fine with it, so we hung out. Went to the movies and the diner a few times and hung out at the beach on occasion. She even dragged me shopping this one time. Shandra is cool, and it was fun. Being with her helped me to forget all the shit we were dealing with back then, but it was never anything romantic for me. It was just two friends spending time together as far as I was concerned, but she built it into more.”
I scrub my hands down my face. “We started RU, and she was getting very touchy-feely again. It made me uncomfortable. I was still feeling guilty over letting her kiss me, but she reassured me it was all friendly, so I relaxed and stopped getting so worked up over it. Then we went to a party one night. I don’t think you and Kai were there. Anyway, she was drunk, and she tried to kiss me again. This time, I stopped her before her lips touched mine. She was upset, but I put her to bed and told her we’d talk the next day. When I dropped by to take her to brunch, she laid into me. Said she wouldn’t wait for me forever and I needed to stop chasing a ghost.”
“What?” Abby’s brow creases. “I can’t believe she said that.”
“It was in the heat of the argument. She later apologized, but we really got into it. I told her nothing had changed for me. Jane was still it, and I’d only sent her away to protect her. I said all I could offer her was friendship.”
“I really thought there was more to it than that.”
