Vera seems to have two main settings—mute and angry. It’s understandable, and I never blame her. I briefly squeeze my eyes shut as I think of the life she led until I rescued her thirteen months ago.
“What’s wrong, Drew?” Her voice is tinged with anger-coated sweetness. “Indulging fantasies in your head?”
I flinch when her hands land on my lower thighs and blink my eyes open at the contact. Vera is on her knees between my legs, licking her lips and staring at me with a look I’ve seen before. “We could role-play.” She waggles her brows and presses up against me. “I’m only one year older than she was when you sent her away.” Her hands crawl up my thighs. “I can please you so much better than she ever could,” she adds with a provocative smile.
I reach out as her fingers inch toward my crotch, holding her wrists and stalling her motion, trying my best to be gentle because I never want to hurt her.
“My mouth drives men wild.” She fights against my restraint as she snarls. “Want me to suck your cock and call you Daddy? You got it. Want me to part my cheeks so you can lick and fuck my ass? No problem. Want to cut me and make me bleed? Want to punch me while you fuck my pussy? Or how about fucking me with an inanimate object? Want to shove your fist so far inside me it?—”
“Stop. Please,” I implore, unable to deal with this particular persona today.
A bitter laugh bursts from her lips. “Come on,An-drew. Don’t pretend like you wouldn’t like any of those things. I see it, you know. All those dark wicked desires you think you keep hidden. News flash, you aren’t hiding shit. I’ve known men like you all my life. It’s all I know.” She fights against my hold, and I lift her up by her arms and plant her feet on the ground. Then I step around the chair, putting a solid obstacle between us.
“I am not like those men,” I say through gritted teeth.
“Whatever you tell yourself to sleep at night.” She rubs at her arm again. “She would never have been able to satisfy you, but I could. I’m experienced in all the ways she wasn’t.” In a lightning-fast move I didn’t predict, she whips her soiled T-shirt off, exposing her bare upper body to me. Scars and puckered skin cover her chest and stomach, and I can’t unsee it before I look away.
Memories of carrying her frail, battered body in my arms resurrect in my mind, and I relive the horrors of that day over again.
I’m yanked out of my head when her chest brushes against mine. I reel back as if burned, staring at her face with mounting uneasiness. When she’s angry, Vera lashes out at a world that has only ever given her pain and suffering. I’m used to bearing the brunt of her anger on those days. She’s thrown this shit at me before too, but she’s never stripped in front of me, and it’s a new level of hell.
“Vera, please stop this.” I stare directly into her eyes. “You know I am here because I care about you. You’re like a sister to me, and I want to help you. I don’t want anything from you but for you to heal and start living the life you should have always had.” I move around her, snatching her shirt from the ground and holding it out. “Cover yourself up and stop trying to piss me off. If my being here today is upsetting you and you want me to leave, I will go.”
“I can’t even do this right anymore.” A sob rips from her throat as she grabs the shirt. I look away while she dresses herself. “I’m useless. A washed-up whore no one wants.”
“That is not true.” I look up, heaving a sigh of relief when I find her clothed and back on the couch. “The things you have been forced to endure do not define you.”
“Now you sound like Felicity.”
I reclaim my seat, mulling over my response carefully. I have spent a little time with her therapist because I needed to be coached on how to handle Vera’s explosive moods and how to behave around her so I don’t trigger her or cause her any further pain. Felicity updates me weekly. It’s important we work together to aid Vera’s recovery. She never divulges things told to her in confidence, only updating me on what I need to know.
I never want to hurt her. Jane would want me to take care of her baby sister, and I already feel like I’m failing.
I’ll just add it to the list.
I clear my throat. “I’m no psychologist, but the things you were made to do don’t sum up who you are as a person. You’re only nineteen. You’ve got the rest of your life to work out what you want to do with it. Figure out who you want to be.”
“What if I’m no good at anything else?” Her eyes fill with tears.
“You will find your place in this world, Vera, and I’ll be there to support you every step of the way.”
“I’m sorry,” she blurts as tears roll down her face. “I don’t know why I did that or said those things.”
“It’s fine. Forget about it. I just want to help.”
“Why?”
“You’re family, Vera, and I take care of my family. I’m just sorry it took me so long to find you.”
“I’m just glad you found me at all,” she whispers, and a solemnity settles in the air.
I can only nod. I wish I had found her sooner. I wish I had been able to find Jane in time. To find Silas.
“You’re my only family,” she adds, staring at me like she’s staring through me. The haunted expression on her face tears strips off what’s left of my heart. “I have no memories, Drew. I don’t remember my parents or Jane or Silas. I can’t even tell you where we went after we left Rydeville because I don’t remember anything. All I have are the photos you gave me. I have stared at that album repeatedly, willing the images to conjure some memory that might help, and there’s nothing.”
“Don’t be hard on yourself. You were only three when you left Rydeville. Most people don’t have memories of their early years. I barely remember anything myself.” When you add in the trauma and her drugged-up-state, it’s completely understandable. I wish she did remember something from those early days because I’ve hit a brick wall, and I’m fearful I may never find the last remaining puzzle pieces.
“That’s ’cause you’reancient.”
