Arlo drags me into the side room where Jane did all her artwork.
“Look at all this.” Vera turns to me with tears in her eyes, but she’s smiling. “I never knew my sister was so artistic.”
“Jane loved painting and making her own jewelry, but her specialty was handmade cards. We all got one on our birthdays and at Christmases. I think I still have some of them in a box at my house. I’ll give it to you later.”
“That’s what I wanted to show you. Come on.” Arlo snags my elbow and drags me over to the desk beside a large shelving unit where a box is sitting. “These are all for you,” he says, carefully removing tons of handmade cards from the box. All have my name on the front, and they are a combination of birthday, Christmas, and anniversary cards, but there are other specific ones that bring a lump to my throat. A card for our wedding night. A pregnancy reveal card. One for the birth of our first baby, and many more highlighting milestones one would celebrate in a normal marriage.
“I’m not surprised she’d do this. It’s just like her, but I had no idea these existed.”
“She really loved you,” Arlo quietly says.
“Did you doubt it?” Athena asks, squeezing his shoulder.
He shrugs, looking directly into my eyes. “You were so young, and I know I was a mistake.”
“Wewereyoung, but we loved one another. You were an accident but never a mistake. You were conceived with love, Arlo.” I take a chance and wrap my arm around him, forcing words out over the lump in my throat. “Never doubt you are wanted. Jane was excited to bring you into the world, and I have loved you from the second I discovered you existed. You’re my son.”
Tears stab my eyes, but I don’t shove them aside like I once might have. I want my son to see me vulnerable. To know it’s okay to show emotion as a man. It doesn’t make you weak like my father had drummed into me.
It makes you strong.
I thump my closed hand over my heart. “You’re all the best parts of me and every loving, pure, good part of your mother. I love you more than I can express. Jane would’ve showered you with love and affection if she’d had the chance.”
What I don’t say, what I know now without a shadow of doubt, is that my sister and Athena were right. Jane and I would not have lasted the distance. These cards prove it conclusively. Jane wanted the white picket fence and two point five kids. She visualized a fairy tale. She wanted Prince Charming, and I’ve always been the Beast. I couldn’t have given her that life without losing key parts of myself, and if I’d shown her those parts I would’ve shattered her illusion. We would have been there for our son, but I don’t believe we would still be together.
Jane was my first love, and it had an end date.
Athena is my forever, for infinity and beyond.
Letting go of Jane has been one of the hardest parts of my therapy, but it’s been the most freeing. I cherish the time I had with her. I will always look back on those years together with fondness, and that’s how I choose to remember her. She’s been an important part of my life, for many reasons, but she’s my past and Athena is my present and my future.
I’ve let Jane go. I’m letting her rest in peace.
“I’ll always be sad I never got to know her,” Arlo says. “And I’ll always hate those assholes for taking that life from me, but I’m glad I’ve got you, and Thena, and Vera, and Gramma, Aunt Abby and Uncle Kai, and all my cousins, and everyone.” Tears glisten in his eyes as he removes a frame from his backpack and hands it to me. “Abby gave me that. She thought I might like to have it by my bed, but I won’t put it up if it’ll upset you or my sister.”
His gaze jumps between us as Athena peers over my shoulder, looking at the framed photo of Jane and me. It was taken the night of her sweet sixteenth. Her parents threw her a big party here, and it was a great night. There was a formal dress code. Jane is wearing a pretty pink ballgown, and I’m in a tux. We have our arms around one another, and we’re smiling at the camera like two lovesick teenagers.
It's the perfect photo to give Arlo.
It captures the perfect moment in time, when there were no elite, no murderous fathers, or sick predators. Just two teenagers wrapped up in one another, losing themselves to reality in each other’s arms. The love between us is undeniable, and it’s a precious keepsake for our son.
“Abby already mentioned it to me, and I’m fine with it.” Athena hugs Arlo. “I’ve told you before you can speak about Jane morning, noon, and night if you like. I loved her. Because she was a wonderful person who brightened up my life at a time when I needed it but mostly because she gave me you.” Athena kisses her brother on the cheek before peering deep into my eyes. “And she brought you to me too. I could never hate her or feel jealous of her when she’s given me so much. I will forever be grateful for Jane Ford, and I never want any of us to forget her.”
Vera sobs, and I pull her into my arms as Arlo moves closer with Athena still wrapped around him, and we group hug with tears in our eyes.
“So, you’re finally admitting it then,” Arlo says after we’ve all wiped our tears and separated.
Thena and I share a look.
“You think you’ve been all secretive and shit, but you stare at one another with puppy-dog eyes nonstop, and it’s seriously gross.”
Vera howls with laughter, nudging her nephew in the ribs.
“Jesus, Drew.” He rolls his eyes and points at his sister. “What are you waiting for? Kiss her already!”
Epilogue 2
Drew – One Year Later
