“Exactly.” I throw my hands in the air. “They are fucking brothers, Uma, and I have come between them.”
“All the more reason to just back away.”
“I have to talk to them and explain.”
“You don’t owe either of them an explanation or an apology.”
“You’re wrong.” I dab lip gloss on my lips and toss the stick back in my makeup bag. “They both deserve an explanation so they know this wasn’t intentional.” I turn around and lean back against the counter. “I feel awful. They have just found oneanother after sixteen years apart, and then I came barreling in causing a divide between them. I can only imagine what Kaiden and Abby must think of me.”
Jude showed up here a few hours after we left the party, and he gave us the deets of how Zayn and Roman had been tossed aside by their bio dad when they were only babies. I feel sooooo bad. Especially for Zayn. While I don’t have all the details, because Joaquin didn’t tell Jude everything, I know enough to understand the elite have shit all over Zayn and his brothers and they haven’t had it easy.
My heart hurts for Zayn, and the last of my anger has faded. It doesn’t excuse what he did to me, but the additional context helps me to understand his motivations even more.
“You didn’t know, babe.”
“That doesn’t make me feel any better.”
“Look, I know talking to them is the right thing, but I’m worried about you getting hurt in the crossfire. Joaquin was an absolute prick on Saturday, and I don’t want him releasing that venom on you.”
“I won’t be a punching bag for either of them, but I need to talk to them. Joaquin needs to understand there can be nothing between us anymore.”
I took the day off today so that I could deal with this. Jude confirmed Joaquin doesn’t work Mondays, so I am banking on him being at home. I want privacy for this conversation.
I wallowed all day yesterday, but I can’t bury my head in the sand indefinitely. I’m a part of this, whether it was intentional or not, and it’s time to face up to it. It’ll only drive me crazy otherwise. Plus, I feel like I owe it to Kaiden and Abby to try to resolve the conflict that has arisen in their family because of me. Kaiden only just got his brothers back, and he must hate me for coming between them.
“And Zayn?” she asks, following me into my bedroom.
I sink onto the edge of my bed and stare at my bestie. “I don’t want to come between Zayn and his brother, but I can’t deny what’s in my heart either. I still love him, and if he was serious before when he said he loved me and wants to make it up to me, then don’t I owe it to myself to give him a chance?”
“Wow.” Uma flops down beside me. “That’s a huge decision, Em.”
“I know, but there’s no point lying to myself anymore.” I lie back and stare at the ceiling. “I have never been able to get him out of my head.” I turn on my side and face my bestie with my hand under my face. “This is shameful to admit, but the entire time I went out with Myles, I constantly compared him to Zayn, and he constantly fell short.” My mouth pulls into a grimace.
“Myles served a purpose, and I wouldn’t feel bad about that because you served a purpose for him too.”
“True.” I chew on the inside of my mouth. “I guess it all depends on whether I can forgive Zayn for using me as a pawn, and I won’t know unless I give it another shot with him. He might not even want that now. He might choose his brother over me.”
“It’s unfair if that’s a choice he has to make. Joaquin needs to man the fuck up and respect his brother has a history with you before he even came on the scene, and he needs to respect you’re the only one who should be making this decision. They both want you, and it’s your life, your choice.” Her tongue darts out, wetting her lips. “J should want you to be happy and want his brother to be happy, unless it was all lies, and then, honestly, fuck him. I don’t care if he’s Jude’s best friend. If Joaquin doesn’t do the right thing, he’s dead to me.”
My palms are sweaty as I knock on Joaquin’s front door, but I remind myself I’m doing the right thing and can’t chicken out.
“Emery.” Harley smiles like I’m his favorite person, and it throws me a little. Shouldn’t he hate me?
“Hey, Harley. I was hoping to talk to Joaquin. Is he home?”
He nods and steps back to let me enter. “He’s in the kitchen,” he says, closing the door after me. “This way.”
I fall into step beside him. “I’m really sorry for causing trouble between your brothers.”
“You don’t need to apologize.” He shrugs his shoulders. “It’s an awkward situation, but it’s not like anyone planned it. It’s just one of those things.”
“Thank you for understanding.”
“Don’t beat yourself up, Emery. You didn’t know.”
“I feel a bit foolish that I didn’t figure it out,” I truthfully admit as we turn to the left at the end of the hallway. “There was always something eerily familiar about Joaquin, especially his eyes, but they had different last names, and I just never would have imagined they were brothers. I didn’t know Zayn and Roman were adopted.”
“Like I said, it’s just one of those things.” He places a light hand on my lower back and steers me into the large kitchen on our right.
