I know Ivy was hoping the investigation would unearth something she could use against me. Hugh assured me he wouldn’t let her sue me or sully my name. In fact, the report concluded Garrick was liable because he’d been the one driving. I hate that any report exists, especially one that tried apportioning blame to my boyfriend.
“I don’t care what the report says.” Ivy’s derisory gaze roams me from head to toe. “I know who’s to blame,” she scoffs. “I don’t know what my son ever saw in you. You look like a ginger replica of Karen Carpenter. One can only hope you’ll suffer the same fate.”
Pepper and I emit shocked gasps. I cannot believe she just said that. I’m not offended on my behalf—I long since gave up caring what this bitch thinks of me—but on behalf of all women who have struggled with an eating disorder. Karen had a much-publicized battle with anorexia and bulimia, and ultimately, her heart gave out in the end. I didn’t think Garrick’s mother could sink any lower, but this just proves it.
What a heartless bitch.
I have always known Garrick’s mom despises me, but wanting me to die is a whole new level of hatred.
“Ivy! You need to apologize,” Pepper says. “That is one of the most hurtful, shocking things I have ever borne witness to.”
Ivy rolls her eyes. “You don’t have to pretend forherbenefit. If she hadn’t sunk her claws into Garrick and interfered, he’d already be married to you and living his best life. Not stuck in a coma thatsheput him in.”
While I know it was an intentional barb, it buries deep.
I can’t deny if I hadn’t come along, Garrick may have ended up with Pepper.
Looking at her now, I see she’s certainly better suited to him.
She fits in his world. I never have.
Exhaustion seeps into my bones, dragging me down, and I’m done.
“I’m going to remind the nurses of your allocated time,” Ivy says, spearing me with another venomous look.
“Don’t bother,” I snap, already turning around. “I’m going.”
“Stevie!” Pepper calls out after me, but I ignore her, bypassing the elevator and heading for the stairs.
I fly downstairs with my heart pounding, blood thrumming in my ears, and pain racing through me, hitting everything in its path.
Today has been an emotional day, and I need to take stock and regain my composure.
I’m going to lick my wounds on one of the benches in the little garden area outside and talk myself off a ledge before I turn up at my assigned time. I want to ensure I’m calm enough to sit with my boyfriend and share a censored version of my day.
Little did I know the road is diverging and I am heading down a different path.
ChapterThirty-Nine
Stevie
Tugging the collar of my coat up around my neck, I lean forward from my seated position on the bench, propping my elbows on my knees and my chin in my hands, with a weary sigh. I don’t know how long I’ve been out here, stewing in my own thoughts, but it’s been a while. It’s soothing here in the dark, and I have barely felt the cold. The only illumination is from outdoor lights dotted along the stone path and nestled among copious flowerbeds, so it’s easy to hide in plain sight.
Darkness is my cocoon. Invisible pitch-black arms welcome me like a ghostly lover, and I fall into the embrace. This little memorial garden has become my special place. I come out here every night, usually after I visit Garrick, to decompress and gather my thoughts before walking home.
Every time after I leave my boyfriend, I’m unbearably sad. Weighed down with guilt, remorse, and longing.
I miss him terribly.
He’s still here, but he’s not.
Existing in some limbo state.
Like the rest of us.
Even the picturesque surroundings of this gorgeous garden, sheltered in a private cordoned-off section to one side of the hospital, can’t pull me out of the dark pit in my mind tonight. My confrontations with Will, Pepper, and Ivy are running on a repetitive loop in my head, and I’m struggling to find any inner peace.
I’m angry at them. At myself. At the world.
