Resting my head on Nana’s shoulder, I cradle my broken arm against my chest and try to prepare my heart for another onslaught.
Mom clears her throat and squeezes my hand.
“To my beautiful sunshine on her twenty-first birthday. Happy birthday, baby. I’m proud I get to celebrate this special occasion with you as your boyfriend and future husband.”
Mom’s hand trembles where she clutches the card, and her lower lip wobbles. Her voice is fractured when she next speaks.
“That was probably too much, but you know how I feel about you. You’re my entire world. My present and my future all rolled into one. I love getting to make more memories with you.”
Mom chokes on a sob, and Nana reaches across me, gently taking the card from her hand. Mom leans back in the couch and slides her arm around my back, sniffling as she carefully pulls me into her side while Nana takes over, reading in a stoic manner.
“These are memories we will look back on over the years with fondness in our hearts. I know I said the car was your birthday gift”
— Garrick actually never said that because I cut him off before he had the chance to properly explain —
"but I have to spoil my girl on her special day. Every girl deserves to look like a princess on her twenty-first, and even though you’re beautiful to me every day, no matter what you are dressed in or how you wear your hair, you deserve to be the belle of the ball tonight.”
Mom had rented the function room of a trendy bar in the city for my party. Obviously, we canceled after the accident, but Garrick wouldn’t have known that when he was organizing my gift or writing this card.
I have no words to describe the pain eviscerating my insides because no such language exists. I’m a giant ball of pain from the tips of my toes to the top of my head. There is no part of me that doesn’t feel tortured and heartsick.
“I hope you like your gifts. They were all my ideas, though Hadley helped me choose the dress, purse, and shoes, and I honestly deserve a medal for enduring that shopping trip! Love you, baby. So fucking much. I can’t wait to see you later. Until then, all my love, Garrick.”
“God.” Mom’s body shakes against me as tears wrack her frame. “That boy loves you so much. He’s one in a million.”
“Garrick is the best of men,” Nana agrees. She clutches my pale face in her hands. “Do you want me to open the gifts?”
“No. I can’t look at them. Please don’t make me.” I don’t think my heart would survive it.
“Okay, Little Poppy. It’s fine. Why don’t I take them home with me, and when you’re ready to open them, we can do it together?”
“Thanks, Nana.” I fall against her chest, loving how well she understands me. She knows I couldn’t bear to look at those boxes day in and day out. That it’ll be a permanent reminder of everything I’m missing.
Hadley shows up after work—she got a summer job at The Seattle Public Library—and I fake a smile as they present me with a small cake. I dutifully blow out the candles even though my heart is shattered into a million pieces and I’m permanently sobbing inside.
This becomes the blueprint for my life as the months roll by.
JULY
AUGUST
SEPTEMBER
OCTOBER
NOVEMBER
DECEMBER
JANUARY
ChapterThirty-Eight
Stevie
“Stevie!” I turn around as my name is called, wishing I’d kept walking when I see who it is. Will jogs up to where I am paused on the sidewalk. Men and women in suits rush past me, eager to head home after a busy day.
“Will.” I gulp back nerves as I stare at one of Garrick’s best friends.
