“Oh god,” Ellen whispers, tears instantly pouring down her face as she stares horror-struck at Garrick.
The shock of seeing him like this never subsides. Every time I visit, I have to suck in brave breaths before opening the door. It doesn’t get any easier seeing him lying there, prone and quiet, his broken body supported by braces and casts, all the color gone from his cheeks. Not getting to look into his gorgeous golden-greenish-brown eyes is torture as is not feeling his fingers curling around mine when I hold his hand.
Tears stab the backs of my eyes as I watch my best friend cry and her boyfriend fight a multitude of emotions. But my tears don’t fall. I feel weirdly numb even though I’m awash with powerful emotions that keep me awake at night.
“It doesn’t look like him at all,” Ellen wails, dropping into the chair beside me and clinging to my arm.
I stare at Garrick, seeing everything she sees, agreeing with it, but unable to voice those thoughts.
“This is awful, so awful.” She clings to me harder. “I’m so sorry for your pain, babe. I can’t even begin to imagine what you are going through.”
“Whatshe’sgoing through?” Will barks. He stalks over to the bed. “What about what Garrick is going through?!” He jabs his finger in my face as he pins angry eyes on me. “Do you even care?”
“Of course, she cares!” Ellen retorts when I’m incapable of a response. “Why the hell would you say that?”
“Doesn’t much look like it from where I’m standing.”
I stare at him in a daze, wanting to defend myself, but how can I? We all know I’m responsible for this, and Will has every right to his rage.
“Cat got your tongue, Stevie? Or are you doing what you do best? Retreating into your selfish shell and pushing everyone else away?”
“Stop it!” Ellen stands, spitting fire at her boyfriend. “I know you’re upset and angry, we all are, but you can’t take it out on Stevie.”
“Why not?” He folds his arms and glares at me. “Let’s not beat around the bush. Everyone knows why my best friend is lying in this bed.” His voice cracks, and he pauses for a few seconds to compose himself. “This is your fault.” He waves his finger in my face. “You turned him down,again, and he was only driving that piece-of-shit car because you refused the new one he bought you becausehe wanted you to be safe!” He roars the last part, dragging out the words.
“Will, stop this. Please.” Ellen reaches for her boyfriend, but he shoves her away. “It’s not fair. It was an accident. Stevie didn’t want this to happen, and look at her! She’s traumatized, and you’re only making it worse.”
“I should’ve told him to break up with you when he sought my advice,” he continues, tearing another strip from my fragile heart. “I selfishly kept my true thoughts to myself because I didn’t want shit to get awkward in my relationship, but he deserved better than you. You were pushing him away and sabotaging the relationship on purpose. Were you going to break up with him? Is that what you were planning after summer break?”
“Okay. That is fucking enough!” Ellen roars at her boyfriend while I sit there in the same numb fugue state. “You are way out of line, Will. Garrick would not want you speaking to Stevie this way or pointing the finger of blame in her direction.”
“It doesn’t matter what Garrick would want,” he chokes out, swinging his gaze to his friend on the bed. “He’s incapable of voicing his opinions.” Tears stream down his cheeks. “If he doesn’t come out of this, I will never forgive you. Never.” He drills me with a dark look before storming out of the room, leaving thick tension in his wake.
A shuddering breath escapes Ellen’s lips as she slumps into the chair beside me, briefly burying her head in her hands. Tears are stuck to her lashes when she lifts her chin. “He doesn’t mean it, babe. He’s just really upset. He’s been lashing out all week. Don’t take any of that to heart because it’s not true. Deep down, Will knows that.”
“It is true though,” I croak, almost choking over the emotion clogging my throat. “Will is right to throw all of that at me and more.” I stare into her forlorn eyes. “Itismy fault. I’m the stupid bitch who refused his sweet, loving, protective gesture, and I’m going to have to live with the guilt of that decision for the rest of my life.”
ChapterThirty-Seven
Stevie
Iopen the door and almost slam it in the poor delivery guy’s face. This can’t be good.
“Uh, delivery for Stevie Colson.” He thrusts a massive bunch of flowers at me as he struggles to hold on to a large birthday balloon and a black box with a red ribbon tucked under his free arm.
My arms hang uselessly by my sides as I stare at him with mounting agony.
I didn’t want to get up today.
I wanted to let this day pass without noting it, let alone celebrating it.
I wanted to wallow in internal tears until the occasion had passed.
But Mom and Nana are determined to stop me from sinking into an even blacker hole. And even more determined I will celebrate my birthday today.
The man is still holding out the bouquet, staring at me like I’ve got a few screws loose. I’m tempted to tell him he’s not far off the mark. Heart-demolishing pain replaces the blood flowing through my veins as I stare at the gifts he carries, instinctively knowing who they’re from.
I can’t handle this.
