Ellen and Will are nowhere to be seen, and I guess they must have slipped back inside the building when we started arguing. They’re probably afraid it’s contagious.
I work hard to calm down. I know he means well, and I’m coming across as ungrateful. But he just doesn’t get it, and it’s damn frustrating at times. “Garrick, I love you, and I love how generous you are.”
“Obviously not enough, or you’d accept the fucking car,” he hisses.
“Being independent is important to me. I’ve been raised by women who instilled that repeatedly in me.” I thump a fist over my chest. “It’s deeply ingrained in here. I know you only want to help, but you’ve got to let me do things my way. I want to support myself.”
“Is that the whole truth, or is this to do with my mother?”
“It’s mostly the truth, but I won’t lie and say what your mother thinks of me has no bearing. If I accept this car, she’ll feel vindicated in calling me a gold digger.”
“Fuck what she thinks, sunshine.” His anger fades as he steps up to me. “I just want you to be safe. Protected. Cared for.”
“I know.” I rest my head on his chest, clinging to him with pain in my heart.
“I don’t want to undermine you. I’m trying here, Stevie. I’m really trying, but everything I do seems to be the wrong thing. I don’t know what else to do.”
“This isn’t about you. It’s my hang-up. I’ll try to work on it, but you can’t keep forcing the issue.”
He sighs heavily. “It’s getting late. We should make a move. Why don’t you drive the car to Ravenna and see how it feels?” He holds up his palms. “No pressure or expectations. If you don’t want it, I’ll return it.”
“Of course, I’ll want it if I drive it! That’s not the point.” I step back and rub my temples. Who the fuck wouldn’t want such a gorgeous car? She’s a beauty, and if I’d bought it with my own money, I’d be champing at the bit to drive it. But I didn’t pay a penny for it, and therein lies my problem. “How about I drive my CR-V home? You can park the BMW in my spot while I’m gone, and I promise I’ll think about it?”
“You’re not saying no?”
“I’m saying I’ll think about it. It’s not a yes or a no.”
He considers that for a moment. “Okay. Let’s go.”
* * *
I let Garrick drive to keep the peace. I’m lost in thought most of the journey, wondering if I’m cut out for relationships. I don’t seem very good at it. When things are great, they are incredible, and I’m deliriously happy. But when shit goes down, it makes me feel like a worthless piece of crap.
Garrick is a good guy, and I’m beginning to think he deserves someone better than me. Someone who appreciates everything he brings to the table. Not someone with deep-seated fears and multiple hang-ups who can’t accept the intensity of his love or the many extravagant ways he likes to show it.
“I’ll return it,” he says when we’re close to the exit for Ravenna. “I thought it’d make you happy. Instead, you’re miserable.”
“I told you I’d think about it, and I will.”
“I already know what your decision will be, and so do you.” He uses the blinker and takes the left exit. “Do you not see a future with me? Is this what it’s really about?”
I sit up straighter. “This is about you buying me a fifty-thousand-dollar car.”
“Ninety,” he says, tearing around the bend too fast for my liking. “It was ninety thousand dollars.”
My jaw slackens. I’m definitely getting him to return it now. I’d be a basket case driving around in a car that’s worth so much.
“Slow down!” I shout as he almost hits the rail at the side of the road.
“Fuck!” His face turns ghostly white as the car hurdles down the last stretch of the exit toward the busy road.
“You’re going too fast!” I scream, starting to worry. “Slow down!”
“I can’t!” he yells, repeatedly pressing his foot down on the brake. “The brakes aren’t working!”
“Oh my god.” Terror, unlike anything I’ve ever felt before, powers through me as we race downhill toward the intersection.
“Get in the brace position,” Garrick shouts, turning the hazard lights on. Setting his palms down on the horn, he attempts to alert the traffic on the main road to our predicament.
