“I’m sure your mother loves you. I imagine it’d be impossible not to.”
And there he goes again. If I didn’t know better, I’d swear I conjured Garrick out of my vivid imagination—a mashup of every book boyfriend I’ve ever swooned over.
“My mom is great.” I pluck at the comforter as I smile. “You met her actually. She works the front desk at the Sand Point restaurant.”
“Ms. Colson.” He bobs his head. “I don’t know why I didn’t spot the resemblance. You look alike.”
“I have her eyes, and we share the same stubborn streak though it manifests in different ways.” I run my fingers back and forth across the comforter as we speak. “Mom is an eternal optimist and the biggest romantic. She had to sacrifice her dreams when she became pregnant with me. I know she doesn’t regret it, but it’s hard not to feel guilty sometimes. Especially when I have to endure watching her falling for the wrong guy, over and over, and I can’t help wondering if things would be different if she wasn’t a single mom.”
“That’s not your burden to bear.” Reaching out, he touches his pinky against mine.
“I know and I don’t carry it. Sometimes, I shoulder it, but mostly, it feels like a lesson to be learned.”
He hooks his finger around mine, and my heart pounds against my rib cage. “In what way?”
“Mom was always chasing boys and yearning for love, and ultimately, she sacrificed her career because she wasn’t focused on the right things. It feels wrong to call it a mistake, as if I’m acknowledging I am a mistake, which I know I’m not, but I don’t want to follow the same path. I want to make something of myself. I have career goals and a plan for the next ten years of my life.”
“And if you let any boy distract you, your life might veer off track?” he surmises, threading his fingers fully in mine.
“Exactly. I’m not saying I don’t believe in love or that I don’t want to get married and have kids one day, because I do, but that’s not even remotely in the cards now.”
“How old are you, Stevie?”
“I’ll be twenty in June.”
“You are so mature and way more determined and self-aware than most girls your age, and I don’t mean that to be insulting to you or other girls.”
A laugh bursts from my lips. “I know. I sound ancient. Ellen and my friend Hadley are always telling me that.”
“There is nothing wrong with being goal-orientated or knowing what you want from life and going after it. I have goals too, but I live by the motto you should work hard and play hard. When do you get to play, Stevie? When do you have fun?”
The insinuation I don’t have fun rubs me the wrong way, and I yank my hand back, sliding it between my knees. “I findthatinsulting.” Fire burns in my eyes. “I know how to have fun, and I have plenty of it. I’m not some boring bitch who is all work and no play.”
I sometimes hang out with the crew at The End Zone on Friday nights after our shifts end. It usually involves copious Patron shots and drunk dancing until the early hours after the bar is officially closed. I always go out Saturday nights, either to a party or a movie or I head home to hang out with Hadley. I’ve had wild one-night stands. I have cliff jumped and skinny-dipped, and I’m game to try anything once. I could say all that, and a lot more, but I don’t have to explain myself to a guy who is virtually a stranger.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you or imply anything. I’m just trying to get to know you. To understand your motivations and what you’re passionate about. You know I think you’re fascinating. I already told you and I’d never lie.”
I pull myself back up until I’m sitting against the headboard. It feels too intimate lying side by side, and I need to mark clear boundaries between us if we are to become friends. Tucking my hair behind my ears, I attempt to leash the sudden rush of anger his baseless assessment has induced. “I know I’m not your typical college student, but that doesn’t mean I’m some nerdy bore.”
“I didn’t think you were. I see how hard you work, and you’re clearly very driven. I just wanted to know if you make time to relax.” He sits up and raises his palms. “I swear that’s all I meant.”
“I’ve shared stuff with you today I don’t readily talk to others about,” I truthfully admit. “It shocks me that I opened up so easily to you, and now I’m wondering if I should have.”
“Please don’t say that. I’m honored you felt you could talk to me about it.”
“You seem to own who you are, and I admire and respect you for that. All I’m asking is for you to give me the same courtesy.”
“I admire and respect you a hell of a lot, Stevie.”
“Even if I have casual sex instead of committed relationships? ’Cause it seems to me we both have very opposing views in this regard.”
He exhales heavily. “God, I’m making a mess of everything.” Dragging his hands through his hair, he shakes his head. “Now you think I’m a judgy asshole, and I’m not. I swear I’m not. I’m just an idiot who seems to have forgotten how to speak to a woman he likes.”
The edge slices off my anger. I might not know him well, but I think I’m a pretty decent judge of character, and Garrickisa good guy. I haven’t exactly been making it easy for him either.
“It’s fine. I probably overreacted. I get defensive when people get on my case, and my friends and my mom are always nagging me. I think I was the only seventeen-year-old in the whole of Seattle who had their mom begging them to go out and party instead of staying home to study.”
He chuckles, and it helps to break up the tense atmosphere. “Your mom really did that?”
