Stevie
After breaking all ties with Garrick, I was hugely tempted to rush to the Colbert building in the city and beg Sarah to give me Beck’s address, but I managed restraint. I was a mess those first couple of weeks and in no fit state to rock up to Beck’s door and beg him for forgiveness. I owed it to both of us to get myself together.
It’s going to take serious groveling to win back my man, but I’m determined to fight with everything I have to reclaim our relationship and the love I recklessly pushed aside. I take a few months to self-heal, and when January rolls around—the beginning of a new year and a fresh start—I’m feeling more like myself, so I show up at Colbert Cartwright Aerospace and Technological Services and ask to meet their current president of marketing. I half expect to be frog-marched out the door like a criminal, so I’m relieved when Sarah agrees to meet with me, and I’m escorted to her offices by an assistant.
My relief is premature.
Sarah’s frosty expression stares at me from behind her desk as I enter her office. Thrusting my shoulders back and lifting my chin, I force my nerves to one side and give her a big smile as I walk toward her. “Sarah. It’s been a while. You look great, and it seems everything is going well here for you. I’m happy for you.”
“Can we cut the chitchat. I’m a busy woman,” she says, not getting up and not inviting me to sit either.
Okay, so it’s going to be like this. I can’t say I blame her.
“I know you probably hate me, but I need to see Beck. I was hoping you could tell me if he’s in France or else pass on his address?”
I didn’t think it was possible, but her expression turns even more glacial. Her eyes narrow as she stands, placing her palms flat on the desk. “You need to leave my brother alone. Haven’t you done enough damage?”
Hurt flays me on the inside at her words. “It wasn’t intentional, and I hate myself for it.”
“Not as much as I do,” she snaps.
“That’s…fair.” I rub at the tight pain in my chest. “I would probably feel the same if it was my brother. I made a mistake, Sarah, but I never stopped loving him. I love him so much, and I miss him like crazy. Beck is the love of my life, and I just want an opportunity to make it right.”
“You’re too late.” She purses her lips. “It’s been months. He’s moved on.”
The meaning behind her words is clear, and the arrow hits true. Pain stabs me straight through the heart like someone just plunged a sword in it. “What?” I whisper, fighting the rush of emotion those words induce.
“Did you really expect him to wait for you after how you treated him? You ditched him for your ex.”
“I didn’t. It wasn’t like that. I—”
She presses a button on her desk phone. “Ms. Colson is leaving, Simone. Please escort her to the lobby and out of the building.”
“Sarah, please.” I rush around the desk, stopping right in front of her. “I’m begging you. Just tell me where he is. I owe him an apology at the very minimum.”
“Stay away from Beck, Stevie. If you love him like you claim to, you’ll leave him alone. He is better off without you.”
* * *
A year passes by, and it seems to go equally slow and fast. I keep myself busy to distract my aching heart. I join a weekly yoga class, and I volunteer at a local youth center one night a week. I’m eating the healthiest I’ve ever eaten and taking a host of supplements to boost my immune system. My anxiety and depression are a thing of the past, and I’m sleeping well again at night without the need for any medication.
I attend therapy regularly, and I’m working through my issues in a healthy manner. I had a lot to unpack from the past few years. I undid a lot of progression during that period I tried to support Garrick, and I can see things more clearly now. That relationship was toxic and unhealthy for me. I let Garrick manipulate me, and I didn’t prioritize myself or Beck or our relationship. I’m trying not to have regrets. I meant what I told Garrick that last day we spoke. I have forgiven him, and I’m working now on fully forgiving myself. To focus on moving forward and not looking back to past mistakes, but I will always regret losing the best thing to ever happen to me.
I haven’t spoken to Garrick, Hudson, Hugh, or Dawn since that day in North Bend. I knew saying goodbye to Garrick meant saying goodbye to them too. There is no way it would have worked otherwise. I miss Hudson a lot. He was a good friend to me for a while, but Garrick needs him, and I’m glad they have one another.
Two weeks ago, there was a big event held at the Allen Winery in Woodinville to raise funds for a new charity the Allen family has set up to support coma patients and their families. There were pictures online. Pictures of Garrick, looking handsome in a tux, with Helena sitting in his lap on his wheelchair. They were laughing and staring at one another with obvious adoration. They looked happy, and I felt nothing but joy in my heart.
The article accompanying the pictures confirmed they are dating, and I couldn’t have picked a better woman for him. Helena is one of the sweetest, kindest people I ever met, but she takes no prisoners either. She is exactly what Garrick needs, and I’m crossing everything it works out for them.
I just want him to be happy.
Mom and I work well together, and the business is going from strength to strength. We just opened a corporate division, which I am managing, while Mom overseas the shop and the farm.
In my downtime, I completely remodeled Nana’s house, modernizing it and adding an extension to the back and one side. It’s now a large four-bedroom home with a wraparound deck and a large private garden at the rear. I bordered it with tall weather-treated fencing, so I have complete privacy. One of my favorite things to do is work in my garden. I spent all last summer creating my own personal haven in my backyard, complete with a gazebo, a love swing, and a small pond with a stone water feature in the middle. A gate at the end of the garden leads to a private access path to the poppy field, and I still spend a lot of my time there.
Most nights, I sit on the bench, reliving precious nights spent with Beck.
He might have moved on, but my heart hasn’t gotten the memo. I still pine for him and miss him so much. I don’t know if I’ll ever get over losing him. He was my everything, and he’s still the best man I know.
