“No, but I don’t think I will ever be.” I pierce him with a stare. “How does he look?”
“Not like himself, but every day, there is a little more color in his cheeks and a bit more awareness in his eyes. Garrick is a fighter.” A wide smile crosses his mouth. “My best buddy battled a coma and won. He’ll get through this next fight.”
Hudson reaches across the console and hugs me. “We have to remember the important thing here. He’s alive, Stevie. He’s alive, and he’s going to be okay. It sucks he’ll be in a wheelchair for the rest of his life, but otherwise, he’s expected to recover. He can go on to live a full life.” He kisses my brow. “I know this is awkward for you and very upsetting. I feel for Beck, and I don’t know what I would do in his shoes or yours. No one can force you to be here, Stevie. You don’t owe anyone anything.”
“That is simply not true, Hudson. It’s amazing he’s alive. I’m elated he’s come out of it, and like I said to Beck, I can’t abandon Garrick. It would be supremely selfish and heartless, and I can’t do it. But I can’t pretend I’m not in love with another man either. Of course, there is still love in my heart for Garrick, but I love Beck. I have made a life with Beck. My future is with Beck.”
If I don’t fuck it all up.
I slam my head against the headrest and close my eyes. Round and round it goes in a loop in my brain, like it has the past six days.
“It’s an impossible situation, and I need someone to tell me what I’m supposed to do,” I say, opening my eyes and realizing I’m rubbing the tattoo on my wrist.
“There is no rule book, and I think we’ll probably have to let Garrick guide us.”
I run my fingers back and forth against the Celtic shield knot on my skin. “I promised to look out for him, to always protect him, the day we got these tats, and my heart won’t let me forget that promise. I cannot be with him as his girlfriend, but if he needs me as his friend, I won’t abandon him.”
“How do you think Beck will cope with that?” Hudson asks in a soft tone.
“I don’t know.” Tears cloud my vision as I turn to Garrick’s friend. My friend. “How can I ask him to do this while I support another man?” Tears turn to full-blown sobs. “I don’t want to lose Beck, but I fear I might.”
“Beck loves you, and he’s been understanding about Garrick in the past. Try not to worry and trust it will be all right.”
“I wish I could.” I swipe at my tears as Hudson passes me a tissue. “God, I sound so selfish. Garrick is inside waiting to see me, and I’m out here throwing a pity party for one.” I force a smile as I open my purse and pull out a compact. “I’m just going to focus on one step at a time, and right now, what’s most important, like you said, is he’s alive and he has a future. That is all I prayed for, for months after the accident, and now it’s come true.”
“Some miracles do happen,” he says, smiling as he watches me patch up my makeup.
“They do.” I lift my chin and steady my nerves. “Let’s go see him.”
* * *
“Stevie!” Helena—Garrick’s physical therapist—rushes toward me in the hallway, pulling me into a hug. “I’m so glad you’re here.” Tears glisten in her eyes. “Isn’t this amazing?”
“Yes. It truly is.”
“He is so anxious to see you.” She releases me before hugging Hudson. “He’s said a few more words today, and Dr. Mann is very happy with his progress. All his vitals look good, and it’s looking really positive.”
“Awesome.” Hudson kisses Helena on the cheek.
“He’ll be so happy to see you,” Helena says, squeezing my arm.
“I hope so.” I slant her a weak grin. I’m not sure what kind of reaction I will get now he knows I’m in a relationship with another man.
We say our goodbyes, and Hudson loops his arm in mine and leads me through the ground floor of Ivy’s house to the wing where Garrick’s bedroom is.
I’m on edge as we walk through rooms, glancing all around, waiting for the witch to jump out with a knife and stab me through the heart.
“Wait!” I say as Hudson curls his hand around the door handle to Garrick’s room. “I need to know something before we go in. When you told him about me being in a serious relationship with Beck, how did he react?”
Hudson’s Adam’s apple jumps in his throat, and anguish splays across his face. “He cried.”
I grip my chest because it feels like I’m having a heart attack. I press my brow to the wall and take deep breaths as I blink my eyes shut and force my tears back down. I can’t begin to imagine how much that must have hurt Garrick. He woke asking for me, believing I was still his, and he had to hear it from others that I betrayed him and I’m now in love with another man. The sense of helplessness I feel is overwhelming. I’m back to hating myself with a vengeance. I hate I have hurt Garrick and that I’m hurting Beck too.
Hudson rubs my back. “I’m sorry, Stevie. My heart is breaking for all of you.”
“Yeah, me too.” I push off the wall and remember what I came here to do. This isn’t about me, and I need to stop being so selfish. I need to be strong for Garrick, and I need to pull myself the fuck together.
“One other thing, we only want you visiting when Hugh or I am here. We don’t trust Ivy not to pull some stunt, and neither of us want you hurt.”
