He doesn’t look convinced, but I don’t know how to reassure him. I can’t ignore what’s happened, and I can’t ignore Garrick. He went into a coma with life a certain way, and he’s woken to a vastly altered one. I can’t forget I’m the reason he was in a coma in the first place, and I can’t abandon him now he’s awake.
Beck takes my hand, leading me into the dining room, and we eat our lunch in strained silence. My ex waking is the elephant in the room. I won’t lie and say it’s not already impacting my relationship with my boyfriend because it is.
It’s a mess, and I’m a constant ball of anxiety.
At least if I could get in to see him, it might help make things clearer.
The doorbell chimes, and Beck sets his soupspoon down. “Are you expecting anyone?”
I shake my head.
“I’ll get it.” He leans down to kiss my cheek. “Eat.” He points at my plate, and I stuff a piece of crusty white bread into my mouth to appease him. Food has lost all taste for me, but if it’ll help to reassure my boyfriend, I will force myself to eat.
Muffled voices greet my ears, and I shovel the remaining soup down my throat and get up to investigate.
“Oh, hey, Hudson,” I say when I spot Garrick’s best friend standing in the hallway engaged in a hushed conversation with Beck. All the blood drains from my face as I remember something Hugh said that day in the sunroom, about coma patients dying from organ failure a few days after waking up. “Oh my god.” I stagger against the wall, and the tears are automatic.
“Honey, breathe.” Beck is by my side in a flash, pulling me into his arms. “Garrick is alive. Hudson dropped by to update us.”
My chest heaves, and a strangled sound leaves my mouth as I struggle to breathe after almost giving myself a coronary.
Hudson shoots Beck a concerned look.
“I’m okay,” I rasp, clinging to my boyfriend. “Sorry.” My gaze is sheepish as it dances between the two men. “I just assumed the worst.”
“It’s all right, Stevie. It’s been a stressful time for everyone.”
“Come inside, and let’s talk,” Beck says, scooping me into his arms and carrying me back to the couch. Hudson trails us inside, taking a seat on the chair in front of the fire.
I lean my head on Beck’s chest and hug him close as Hudson clears his throat. “Garrick is still agitated and confused, but every day, he’s awake for longer than the previous day, and his memories are returning in spurts. The doctors have confirmed he is paralyzed from the waist down, and he has a lot to do to return his body to physical strength, but the early signs are encouraging. They don’t think he’s suffered any permanent brain damage, which is the best news.”
“They can tell now even though he’s not speaking?”
“They’ve done a bunch of tests. His vocal cords have been sleeping, and it will take him a little time to recover his full speech, but they are hopeful now he’s said a few words.” Hudson’s tongue darts out, wetting his lips, and he looks uncomfortable as he glances at Beck.
“Tell us,” Beck quietly says, wrapping his arms tighter around me.
“He said Stevie,” Hudson admits. “That’s the only word he has said, but he’s repeated it over and over.”
An emotional tsunami batters me from all sides at his admission. Tears instantly leak from my eyes, and I’m choking on the lump in my throat and struggling to breathe over the boulder pressing down on my chest. Beck turns rigid underneath me, and I can’t fall apart in his arms over another man again.
I cannot do it to the man who is my rock.
This man who is my everything.
So, I dip my head and force my emotions aside, stamping them out and only lifting my chin when I feel I’m more in control. “How am I going to tell him, Hudson?” I whisper. “It’s going to devastate him.”
Beck recovers himself, rubbing his hands up and down my arm. “You haven’t done anything wrong, Stevie. You need to remind yourself of that.”
It’s easier said than done. And it was way easier to believe it when Garrick was in a coma. Now that he’s not? I feel like a cheating bitch all over again.
“Unfortunately, that ship has sailed,” Hudson says with a grimace, and I swear my heart stops beating.
“What?” I splutter, horror threaded through my tone. I had already discussed the topic with Hudson, Hugh, and Dawn, and it was collectively felt it was better to wait until Garrick was more stable before telling him about me and Beck. Beck wasn’t happy when I broached the subject, but he understands, and he agreed, albeit reluctantly.
As long as I live, I will never be worthy of this amazing man.
Ivy was always the wildcard, but I still can’t believe she’s done this.
