“Yes, honey,” he whispers back, his hungry gaze dipping to my mouth with powerful longing.
It seems we are both done shielding the truth from one another.
“Kiss me. Please.”
ChapterSixty-Six
Stevie
Beck moves his hand to my neck and gently tugs me closer, ending the small gap between us. The second his soft lips meet mine, I lose myself to our kiss. He takes full control, slanting his mouth over mine in firm sweeping strokes that are equally tender and commanding. His hands cup my face as his tongue laps at my lips requesting entry. I gasp into his mouth as his kiss hardens, and his tongue pushes inside, stroking my tongue and licking the roof of my mouth.
Stars float behind my closed eyelids as he devours my mouth with skill. Things heat up as our tongues clash for supremacy, stroking and dancing, while his lips press passionately against mine in an increasing frenzy. I’m grabbing his shoulders, his neck, his face, greedy to touch every part of him.
Mutual moans pass between our mouths, and every cell and nerve ending in my body is electrified. I squirm on the bench as a persistent throbbing takes up residence between my legs. I ache so badly for him. It’s been so long since I felt a hard cock pushing inside me, and I’m ready to jump in his lap and impale myself on his dick when reality comes crashing down on me.
Garrick’s smiling face resurrects in my mind, and I yank my lips from Beck’s and stumble off the bench, falling sideways onto the trimmed ground in my haste to retreat from my actions.
“I’ve got you.” Beck helps me to my feet. Gently gripping my forearms, he bends his head until we are eye to eye. “Talk to me, honey. What just happened?”
Tears stream silently down my cheeks. “I just cheated on Garrick,” I sob.
Pain rips across Beck’s face until he hides it. “You weren’t ready,” he says in a dead voice. “I’m sorry, Stevie. I should have checked.”
“No.” I shake my head as I shuck out of his hold, wrapping my arms around my waist. “Don’t apologize. This isn’t on you. It’s on me.”
“I…fuck.” He averts his gaze and hangs his head for a few tense seconds while I quietly cry and try to unscramble the jumble in my head and my heart. “Do you regret it?” he asks, lifting his head. I hate the pain and sadness I see on his face, knowing I put it there.
“I don’t know,” I truthfully answer.
His Adam’s apple bobs in his throat, and I feel like the worst person on the planet. I don’t want to hurt him any more than I have, and he deserves honesty.
Well, he deserves so much more, but he deserves that for starters.
“Beck, it was amazing. Kissing you felt like…” My voice cracks, and my sobs filter into the air. He makes no move to comfort me, and I don’t blame him. “Kissing you felt like home,” I say when I can get the words out. “I wanted it. I have wanted it for some time, but I was lying to myself. I still want it. I want that and more, but I’m so confused.” A hiccup filters into the eerie night air. “I’m so freaking confused, scared, and I feel so guilty.”
“Come here,” he says. “Please.”
Slowly, I walk to him, and my arms drop listlessly to my sides.
He envelops me in a protective embrace, and I sob against his chest. “I’m sorry,” I croak, holding on to him as I lift my tearstained face up to his. “This is so unfair to you.”
“This isn’t about me. I’ll be fine.” His thumbs swipe at the dampness pooling on my cheeks. “I’m worried about you.”
That only makes me cry harder. He is such a good man. So incredible. “You deserve better than me,” I sob. “I’m a mess, and you deserve the world.”
“Look at me, honey.” He clasps my face in his hands. “You are everything I deserve. Everything I need and want, but it’s not as simple as want or need. If it was, we would have been together like this months ago.”
“I do want you, Beck, but I don’t know how to do this or if I can. How can I do this to Garrick?”
“I’m not the best person to speak to about this because I’m selfish when it comes to you, and you need someone impartial. Have you spoken to Ramona or Hadley?”
I shake my head. Ramona, my therapist, has tried to coax me into talking about Beck, but I have routinely shut her down. Hadley has made the odd passing remark, but she hasn’t probed. I know my bestie. She is nosy and not above exercising a tough-love approach, but even Hads hasn’t broached this subject because she’s waiting for me to do it.
“The last thing I want to do is give you space, because I need you like I need oxygen, but you need some time away from me to think about what you want.” He tips my face up. “I won’t pressure you, but I’m not going to lie. I want to be with you as more than a friend. I have strong feelings for you, Stevie, and I’ve been waiting to see if you shared them.”
“I do,” I admit in a whisper. “But that doesn’t mean anything will come of it. I still have a boyfriend.” I shuck out of his arms, feeling like a whore thinking about my boyfriend while seeking solace from a man I just kissed. A man who has been there for me through so much, and this is how I repay him?
I am so disgusted with myself right now. How could I do this to Garrick? To Beck? To myself? Because I’m torn in two now and it’s agony.
