His eyes probe mine for a few beats before he nods. He fixes my bra into place and lifts up off me. I sit up straighter, refastening the buttons on my blouse as Jared bends down to retrieve his shirt.
“I have a feeling I might need alcohol for this conversation. Want anything?” he asks, sliding his arms through the sleeves of his shirt.
“Water, please.” There is no way I could stomach alcohol right now. I’m already praying the takeout we consumed an hour ago doesn’t come back to haunt me. I bite down on my lip as I kick my sneakers off and nestle into the corner of Jared’s couch with my knees tucked up to my chest.
“You’re scaring me, Syd,” he says when he reenters the living room and sees me curled into myself.
“There’s no easy way to say what I have to say. No way to protect you from pain,” I admit, accepting the bottle of water as he hands it to me.
He sits down beside me and takes a swig from his beer. “I sensed you were holding something back.”
I maintain eye contact as I nod, willing my frantic heart to calm down. I wipe a sweaty palm down the leg of my jeans. “I didn’t want to keep this from you, but when you were with Vittoria, I thought the right thing to do was to say nothing. It was in the past. I believed you were happy and it might put a dampener on things.” I chew anxiously on the inside of my cheek before I take a mouthful of water.
“I’m imagining all kinds of things,” he admits, reaching out to hold on to my leg. “Just tell me.”
Tears cloud my vision, and pain spears me through the chest. An errant sob rips from my throat.
“Syd.” Jared fixes me with tormented eyes. He puts my water and his beer down and pulls me into his lap. “Whatever it is, I won’t judge.”
I’m trembling all over as I slide off his lap and sit beside him. I can’t sit in his lap and tell him these things. It’s going to kill him. I bury my face in my hands as I try to compose myself enough to blurt the words out.
His arm glides around my shoulders, and he presses a tender kiss to my temple. “I love you.”
“I know, and I love you too.” I peer at him with tears in my eyes. “This is so hard. I tried to tell you. Back then, I was calling and messaging and emailing. I needed you.” Another sob wrenches free. “I was so scared and so alone.”
His eyes widen as alarm skates over his handsome features.
“I was pregnant,” I whisper, watching all manner of emotions overtake him. “I was pregnant with your baby.”
ChapterThirty-Two
Sydney
Shock splays across Jared’s face as he stares at me. I can only imagine the kind of thoughts spinning through his head. “I found out months after you were gone,” I continue while he tries to process the revelation. “I hadn’t been eating, and I was feeling sick all the time, but I just thought it was heartbreak.”
“Pregnant?” he chokes out, holding me tighter. His eyes lower automatically to my flat stomach. “You were carrying my baby?”
I nod as silent tears stream down my face.
He pulls me into a hug, holding me as I sob into his chest. He’s shaking all over. “What happened?” he asks in a low tone. “What happened to our baby?”
The dam breaks, and I fall apart. I have talked this all through in therapy. It took me years to handle my emotions, yet I’m still a mess as I relive it all. “Herman forced me into an abortion,” I choke out over my tears.
“He what?” Jared’s icy tone chills the air.
Rubbing the tears from my eyes, I try to pull myself together to tell him the rest. I latch on to my anger, and it’s easier to stop the tears. “He confronted me a few days after I took some pregnancy tests. Said he found one in the trash. I accepted that back then, but now I know it was because he intercepted my messages to you. He told me he was taking me to see this ob-gyn contact of his to get checked out.” My lower lip wobbles as I struggle to hold on to my rage. “The doctor knocked me out, and when I woke up, he told me the abortion had been a success and I could go on with my life now without the burden of having a kid at sixteen.” My hands ball into fists. “He acted like he was doing me a favor.”
Red-hot rage washes through me like every time I think of Dr. Mulligan.
“I’m going to kill him. Both of them.” Jared hugs me fiercely as he spews fire from his eyes.
“Herman tried to look shocked when I came out crying and hitting him. As if it was news to him. Then he told me it was for the best and took me home where he attempted to buy back my affection with new clothes and paint supplies. He tried to coax me to go on vacation, and he even offered to let me go back to Ms. Elliott’s classes, but nothing worked. I was empty inside.” I stare off into space as I remember how desolate I felt at that time. “I was in so much pain. I already loved our baby. I wanted it even if I thought you didn’t want me.”
“I would have wanted it too.” He smooths a hand up and down my spine, and I lean into him in a way I wish I could have done back then. “Just like I’ve always wanted you. Oh my god, Syd. I can’t believe this.” He cradles my face in his hands, and I’m not surprised to see such potent emotion staring back at me through glassy eyes. “I hate you had to go through that alone. I want to burn the fucking world down for what you endured, but I’ll start with that doctor and your father. They’re not getting away with this. How dare they do that to you! To us.” He presses a fierce kiss to my brow. “Jesus, Syd. It’s no wonder you’ve struggled with Toria and the baby. I’m so sorry.” He dusts kisses into my hair. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
“Knowing she was carrying your baby was hard enough, but seeing how little she cares infuriates me. I never thought I’d hate anyone the way I hate Herman and Dr. Mulligan, but Vittoria is right up there. How can she ignore something so precious? I would literally give anything to have your baby growing in my belly. I wanted him or her so badly.” Tears roll down my face again, and Jared is crying now too.
I don’t know how long we stay locked in an embrace, but it seems like ages before we dry our tears and break apart. “Are you mad I didn’t tell you sooner?” I ask, looking up at him.
