“I know.” Ares takes a mouthful of his beer as he eyeballs me. I’m glad he’s not attempting to make light of it.
“I understand you don’t want to share me in the bedroom. We have already discussed it. While it is disappointing for me, I would never force the issue. We had an agreement. You said you would try. I spelled out what that would mean. You know how important Chad and Jase are to me and how special yesterday was. I asked you to join us. You declined, which was your call. You didn’t have the right to barge in later and takemychoice away fromme. My husbands went out of their way to give me a memorable day and night, and you tried to shit all over it.” I’m not going to say he succeeded, because the truth is, he didn’t. What happened put a dent in it, but it didn’t take away from the overall experience.
“I told you I’d fuck it up.” A muscle tenses in his jaw.
“That’s a cop-out,” Jase says. “You knew what you were doing, and you did it anyway.”
“I was jealous, all right!? Is that what you want to hear?” Ares guzzles half his beer after that little outburst.
“You were selfish,” I say.
“I’m not denying it.” His tone is growing argumentative. “And I’m not excusing it, but I had drank a lot, and it somewhat impaired my judgment.”
“You’re right,” Jase deadpans. He sinks onto the couch on my other side and unfurls my tense fingers. “It’s not an excuse.”
“Look, I’m sorry. Okay?” Ares looks like the words pain him to say, and I know they kind of do. He’s so stubborn and not very self-aware at times. “I agree it was a shitty thing to do, and I feel bad about it.”
That helps. Maybe all isn’t lost.
“It’s always about Ashley,” Chad says. “That’s how we have managed our relationship with her. It is all about doing what is bestfor her.”
“Well, aren’t you fucking selfless saints with perfect impulse control?” he snaps, glaring at Chad.
And just like that the switch is flipped.
Ares’s mood swings give me mental whiplash at times.
“God, you’re such an asshole.” Jase jabs an angry finger in Ares’s direction. “Grow the fuck up, man. You’re twenty-two, and you’re acting like you’re two and we’ve stolen your favorite toy.”
Bree is slurping on her straw, lapping all the drama up.
I take a healthy gulp of my vodka, needing alcohol to get through this conversation.
“This isn’t easy for me,” he replies, making an effort to keep his tone level. “You all have an established pattern, and it works. I’m trying to slot in around that and navigate my way in a relationship for the first time. I’m also a naturally jealous person.”
“Do you think I didn’t get jealous at the start with Jase?” Chad says, managing to remain calm, which is a miracle because he is the one who had the most grievance with my stepbrother. “Because I did. A lot. I had to learn to rein it in. To look at things from a different perspective. What I didn’t do is act like a fucking Neanderthal, busting into the room during their private time and kidnapping her straight out of his arms.”
“That was not cool,” Jase says, slinging his arm around me. “It was selfish, arrogant, and controlling.”
“It was manipulative,” I add because I need to get this out too.
“You wanted it.” Ares is getting on the defensive now, and one part of me understands it. He feels cornered and attacked even though we are all trying to keep calm and discuss this like adults.
“I did, but not like that.” I lean forward, straining toward him, carefully considering my words. “I love you, Ares, and I love what you do to me in the bedroom, but you can’t use sex to manipulate me. It’s not healthy. It is already causing problems, and it makes me feel guilty after the enjoyment has gone.” It was the same the night we first had sex, when he tricked me into thinking he was Jase. And yes, I know deep down I knew he wasn’t, but I was vulnerable, and he used that to his advantage. I had forgiven him for it, but last night, he used my attraction to him against me, and I’m not okay with it.
“I should not have had sex with you last night. I should have insisted you let me out so I could return to Chad and Jase. I didn’t do that. I got caught up in the sex, and it was amazing, but it left me with a sour aftertaste, and that is not what I want for us.”
“I can’t help my jealous possessive streak, Ash. Nor can I help how much I want you.”
“You have to try harder,” Chad says. “You have to push your own selfish needs aside and put Ash’s first. It’s the only way it will work.”
“And if I can’t?” he asks, finishing the last of his beer.
“Then I don’t know if we have a future,” I say with a pain in my heart.
* * *
“Are you okay?” Chad asks later that night as we are lying in my bed together.
