“Aren’t you?”
He vigorously shakes his head. “Nope. With everything else we’ve got going on, that is the least of my worries. If assholes want to give me shit, that’s on them. What we do in our relationship is no one’s business but ours.”
“What if it gets back to the coaching staff? I don’t want to cause trouble for you when you’re new and you need to make a name for yourself.”
“Sweetheart.” He sweeps his fingers up and down my cheek. “This is college. All kinds of shit goes down. I’m sure we’ll get some comments and teasing, but I doubt it’ll last long, and I really don’t think Coach will care. As long as I perform on the field, he won’t give a shit.”
“Good.” I breathe a sigh of relief. Chad has a lot on his shoulders already. I never want to add to his load.
“What are you going to do about Jase?” he asks.
“Nothing, because nothing has changed.”
He waits me out, softly touching my face and my neck, his gentle caresses helping to comfort me.
“He used my feelings for him, my attraction to him, against me back there in a way he never has before.”
Chad chuckles, leaning in to peck my lips. “He’s in love with you, Ash, and he’s desperate. You can’t blame a guy for trying every trick in the book.”
“That’s not what we do, and he’s never told me he loves me.”
Chad’s face registers shock. “He hasn’t?”
“Nope.”
“Well, I know he does. He doesn’t need to say the words to you or me for it to be true. I’ve known that guy most of my life, and I have never seen him look at any girl the way he looks at you. I would never have broached the subject of sharing you with him if I didn’t think he was serious about you.”
“What?” I bolt upright. “Why is this the first time I’m hearing this?”
“I thought it was assumed.” He kisses me firmly on the lips. “I’m crazy about you, Ash. I would never bring any guy into our relationship if he couldn’t show you the same love and adoration.”
“I don’t understand,” I truthfully admit. “I thought it’d be the opposite. That you’d want the other guy to be casual so there was no competition.”
“Bringing a third party into our relationship was a serious matter for me, Ash. It took me ages to reach that decision, and that was before you and I properly discussed it. I needed to ensure I was okay with it first. I’m upset about this as well, and not just for you because I know how hurt you are. It’s hurt me too because the decision to bring Jase in wasn’t taken flippantly, and I didn’t see it ending like this.”
I have been super pissed with Chad recently over The Sainthood drugs nightmare, but it’s times like this when I realize how deeply he cares about me, and I’m reminded of all we have been through. I don’t support what he’s doing, and I’m scared of it backfiring on him, but I won’t walk away from him because we have a difference of opinion. We have been together for years, and he was my rock at times when it felt like I was falling apart. I can set aside our differences to be here for him now and hope that together we can navigate these choppy waters and come out stronger on the other side.
“Do you think he’s right?” I ask, refocusing on the man in front of me. “Should I be fighting for him? Should I set aside my hurt feelings and make the most of the time we have left together?”
“I can’t answer that, Ash. I can’t tell you what to do. You’ve got to reach that decision yourself because I won’t sway you either way.”
“What doyouwant?” I whisper-ask.
“I want things to return to the way they were, but that’s an impossibility.”
“Yeah.” I rest my head on his shoulder. “Me too. It feels weird for Jase not to be around, but how can we go back to the way things were when I know he’ll be getting engaged to her in a few months and eventually sleeping with her? I don’t think I can get past that.”
“If you can’t, you can’t.” He presses kisses into my hair while checking the time on his watch.
“It must be nearly time.”
He nods. “I expect someone will come for us soon.”
“Should I message Lo to see if there’s been any change with the plan?” I lift my head, staring at the dark building in front of us.
“Let’s sit tight for now.”
“Okay.”
