“What about Renzo?” I ask because we can’t ignore the elephant in the room.
“I’m sorry,mia amata, but I don’t trust the man. I want him nowhere near our operation, and I don’t want you telling him anything we have discussed.”
I swivel in my seat, the soft leather squelching under my ass. “He’s my underboss, Massimo. I can’t just cut him out.”
Tension bleeds into the air.
“I know we need to talk when we get home, but tell me what it is about this guy that has you so loyal to him? Because all I see is a guy who fights you every step of the way.”
I heave out a sigh as all the muscles in my back lock up. “It’s not usually like that. It’s complicated right now for reasons I don’t fully understand yet.”
“Which is why he can’t be taken into our confidence.” Fiero drills me with a sharp look. “We didn’t bust our asses for years to have some dick ruin everything.”
“Don’t be so dramatic. Renzo won’t ruin anything because he won’t know anything. I give you my word.” I hate lying to him, but I won’t jeopardize what Fiero and Massimo have built, or what we’re planning to build together. Not when Renzo is such a wildcard. When things settle with him, I will smooth things over so everyone gets along.
I have to hold on to that hope because I don’t want to be backed into a corner and forced to make a choice.
A muscle clenches in my husband’s jaw as he presses the button for the flight attendant. “You said you have never been in love, but I know there was something between you and him.”
“I’ll just take a nap.” Fiero stands, clearly excusing himself to give us privacy. He leaves as the flight attendant approaches, and Massimo requests more drinks and food.
“It was brief and temporary,” I say, not wanting to elaborate because then we’ll end up having the conversation we need to have on this plane, and it’s too suffocating to discuss it here.
“He loves you,” Massimo says, accepting a fresh glass of whisky from the attendant. I drain my current drink, handing the empty glass to the woman as she places a new one on the table in front of me.
“Thank you.” I wait for the attendant to leave before replying to my husband. “I don’t think he loves me in that way. Maybe he did one time, but not anymore. He’s devoted to his wife and his kids, and if what Nic says is true, he’s going through some marital difficulties.”
“If I had to guess, I’d say it’s because his wife knows he still has feelings for you.”
Irritation rattles my skull. “Don’t make assumptions, Massimo. You know what’s said about them.”
“Help me to understand it then.”
I palm his cheek. “My history with Renzo doesn’t change who you are to me. You know that, right?”
He rubs my thigh. “I’m secure in our relationship,mia amata. I know what you mean to me and what I mean to you. I don’t think you’re in love with him. I’m just trying to understand where the loyalty is coming from.”
“It’s tied into what I have to tell you. Renzo has been in my life for a long time. He was there for me at a time when no one else was. I was broken. A shell of a person, and he was the only one in my life who cared enough to help me to heal. Renzo is the one who taught me how to fight and how to defend myself. He encouraged and supported me. He drove me to my therapy sessions and fought battles for me when my mother was negligent, and my stepfather was demanding. He knew to keep his distance when I couldn’t bear anyone to touch me and how to comfort me when I woke up screaming from nightmares induced by the horrors I had lived through.”
I pause to draw a breath as a tight pain stretches across my chest. “Remembering who he is to me is bringing it all back, and it hurts. I was so damaged, Massimo. In so much pain and he helped to coax me back to life. I owe him so much. He helped me to find purpose, and yes, we were lovers for a time, but that was his way of helping me too.” Shudders rack my body, and I’m chilled to the bone. “Sex was difficult for me back then. Intimacy is still hard for me.” My voice chokes, and my chest feels like it might implode with the burst of emotion swelling inside me.
“It’s okay.” Massimo bundles me into his arms. “I didn’t intend to upset you.”
“I know that.” My words are muffled against his chest.
The attendant leaves plates of food on the table and discreetly retreats. “The man you see now is not the man he has been to me. For so long, he was the only man I could trust completely. Things are changing between us. The trust is more brittle. I hate it. I hate I must keep things from him, but you’re my husband. You’re my priority.” I set my hands on his chest as I peer into his eyes. “I am placing all my trust in you, like you have done with me, but please don’t force me to choose between you and him. I will get to the bottom of what’s going on and we’ll find a way to make this right, because the thought of losing either of you from my life rips me apart inside, Massimo.”
“You don’t need to make any decisions now. If Renzo is truly on your side, and his actions are protective, I will take no issue with that.” He dots kisses into my hair. “I just want to ensure you’re safe. You’re not the only one scared to lose in this marriage.”
“I’m not going anywhere.” I press a kiss to the underside of his jaw before lifting my head to look deep into his stunning eyes. “I’m committing to you, Massimo, in every conceivable way.”
Emotion shines from his eyes as he clasps my face in his palms. “As I am.” He claims my lips in a tender kiss. Pressing his brow against mine, he looks me straight in the eyes when he says, “I love you.”
“I love you too.” It’s the most natural thing in the world to return those words.
We hold one another without speaking, and I wish I could wrap us up in a bubble and ignore the outside world. As I cling to my husband, I pray like I haven’t prayed in years. Begging whoever is listening to make him understand. To not take him from me.
ChapterThirty-Five
