His expression remains unchanged at my admission.
“I wasn’t even going to go to a club or a bar. If you didn’t take the bait, I would have had Ezio drive me around the city for a few hours.”
“Is that the truth?”
“Yes. I would never disrespect you like that.”
He barks out a wry laugh. “Yet you have no issue disrespecting me by manipulation.”
Heat floods my cheeks as embarrassment washes over me. “It was low and completely beneath me. You have every right to be angry with me.” I risk taking a step closer, and I lower my guard, letting him see my emotions. “I am truly sorry, Massimo.”
“Why?” he asks, tipping his head to one side. “Why are you acting like this?”
“I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how relationships work.” A tight pain spreads across my chest as I make myself vulnerable to him. “All my interactions with men have been different. There are men who report to me and are loyal because they swore an oath. Then there are random men I chose to fuck, always on my terms, for one night only. With other men, usually business contacts, I used sex to manipulate them into doing my bidding. And all my early interactions were with men who forced me into sex.” I move my hand between us. “I don’t know how to do this, whateverthisis.”
He exhales heavily, closing the gap between us. “I’m hardly a relationship expert either. I didn’t live with any of my girlfriends, and most of those relationships were brief.” He threads his fingers through my hair. “What I do know is manipulation, lying, and game-playing have no place in any relationship, whether it’s an agreed business arrangement or a genuine romantic connection.”
“I don’t know how else to be.”
He wraps his arms around me, and I lean in, pressing my head to his chest. I circle my arms around his back as he holds me, closing my eyes and focusing on how good it feels to be embraced and comforted rather than the myriad of confusing emotions twisting my insides into knots.
“How about this,” he says, and I tilt my head up to look at him. He cups my cheek. “We forget about the contract and any preconceived ideas we both took into this marriage, and we just go with the flow.”
“Go with the flow?” A hint of amusement colors my tone as my brows climb to my hairline.
“Yes, sweetheart.” He leans down, pressing a brief tender kiss to my mouth. “We just wing it.”
I burst out laughing. “You make it sound so simple.”
“It doesn’t have to be complicated.” He stares adoringly at me, and I literally melt in his arms. “We just live together and do what comes naturally. We share our lives and our bodies, our hearts, our spirits, our souls.”
“That sounds complicated to me.”
“Only if it’s forced. We take one day at a time, and as long as we are honest with one another, we see where it takes us. How about that?”
“I like it, but you’ll have to be patient with me. I’m predisposed to act a certain way, and I’m…” I stop before I blurt the true extent of my vulnerability.
But it doesn’t matter.
He knows anyway.
“Scared.”
I nod. “Petrified.” Pulling my big-girl panties on, I admit something to him, and to me, for the first time. “I have feelings for you, Massimo. Feelings I don’t know how to describe or handle. Feelings I have never had for any other man. It feels like I’m losing a part of myself, and everything I thought I knew about me is under a microscope. It makes my skin itch and my heart beat way too fast, and I’m scared of losing sight of who I am and what makes meme.”
“I won’t let you lose yourself.” He is quick to reassure me. “Just stop fighting our chemistry and start working with me, not against me.”
“I will try.”
“We have been here before. I need you to mean it this time.”
“I mean it.” That is true as much as I can let it be true.
“Okay.” He flashes me one of his signature panty-melting smiles, and it would work if I was wearing any.
“Okay.” We grin at one another like two excitable teenagers. “What now?” I inquire, understanding this is a turning point.
A turning point to what or where I’m unsure.
