“Give me your keys, and I’ll get them,” Kade offers, holding out his hand.
“I’ll come with,” I say, preferring to get this conversation over and done with now. Dinner will be strained otherwise.
The girls trade looks. They’re as subtle as a brick, but I can’t blame them. This shit has gone on long enough, and it’s put both of them in awkward positions at times.
We walk out of the room in tense silence until Kade breaks it in the hall. “Congrats on your promotion. You must be thrilled.”
I shrug as we walk toward the front door. “As long as I get to continue the work I’m doing with disadvantaged kids, I don’t really care.”
“It’s nice to be recognized,” he says, opening the door and stepping outside.
“It is. The company has been good to me. I like working there, and they have a lot of family-friendly policies, which means I can fit things around Pres’s schedule.”
Our feet crunch on gravel as we walk toward our car. “It makes me happy to see you happy.” He props a hip against the side of my Lexus when we reach it.
“Does it?”
“Yes,” he says without hesitation. “I’m proud of you, Kent. You’re the strongest of all of us.”
“I wouldn’t say that, but I am proud of how far I have come.” I lean my back against the passenger side window. “There was a time I didn’t think I’d make it. It was the first year after the assault when I barely had the will to survive.”
“I hate you went through that alone. I hate I didn’t notice.”
“You weren’t there in the aftermath. You were hiding in the city, licking your wounds after Mom and Dad dropped the bomb on you. I get it.”
“I’m your eldest brother. I should have been there for you. I shouldn’t have been so caught up in my own problems that you didn’t feel like you could come to me.”
I shrug, not wanting to delve too deep into old ground. I know we need to clear the air, but I don’t want to rehash every painful part of our past. I turn and eyeball him. “If you could turn back time, what would you do differently?”
“Everything. I would have been there for all of you more. I didn’t just fail you, Kent. I neglected Ky and Kalvin, Keanu and Keaton too.”
“We weren’t your responsibility, Kade. You weren’t our parents.”
“I know that, but I still shouldn’t have neglected my brothers. That’s not my biggest regret though.” He maintains eye contact as he talks. “I wrote you off as a troublemaker. I never stopped to consider there was anything driving your behavior. You’d always been a rebel, and I saw it as you refusing to grow up. I was narrow-minded and judgmental in a way I’m not with others. You are my brother. I should have cut you some slack. I should have listened to my wife when she said there was something weighing on your mind. Also, if I’m honest, I can admit I was a little bit jealous of how close you and Eva became. It served to highlight how distant we were.”
My eyes pop wide because that surprises the shit out of me. “You never gave any indication it bothered you.”
“Because it didn’t. Not for more than a fleeting minute.” He leans against the side of the car, crossing one ankle over the other. “I don’t begrudge your relationship. Not at all. I was jealous she could talk to you in a way I couldn’t, but I was glad you had her to talk to. I didn’t see it at the time, but it made me realize what a piece-of-shit brother I was to you. I always believed your self-destructive behavior was completely selfish and a desire to be the center of attention. I saw how much it upset Mom. You caused arguments at family events, and I know you often did that on purpose to stir shit. It was hard to be around you sometimes, Kent, even if you’re my brother and I have always loved you. It was easier to think the worst and not trust you. I didn’t see your pain because it was hidden behind your troublesome behavior. That is what drove me to react as I did.”
“That makes sense.”
“It does?”
“Yeah.” I know I was a prick to be around at times, and I did stir trouble on purpose.
“I hate that I closed myself off to you,” he continues. “I hate that I wasn’t with our brothers at the warehouse the night they found you. God, Kent.” His voice cracks, and tears well in his eyes. “You died. You fuckingdied, and I wasn’t there. As long as I live, I will never forgive myself for that.” His chest heaves as he pauses for a second. Emotion bleeds into the air. “I truly am sorry, Kent. For everything, and if I could go back, I would redo all of that.”
Sincerity radiates from his eyes, and it’s etched all over his face. I hear the regret in his voice, and this is the most honest conversation we’ve had in years. “There is so much I wish I could do over, but there is no point in looking back. We were young. We all made mistakes.” I wet my lips as I stare at my brother. “I want to move past this. It’s time.” I pause for a split second. “I forgive you, brother.”
He stares at me in shock, blinking profusely for a few seconds. “How?”
“Holding on to a grudge is childish and petty. I’m in a good place in my life. So are you. It’s time to bury the hatchet.”
“But you were so angry with me, and rightly so,” Kade replies. “I let you down in the worst way. How can you forgive me?”
“I was hurting badly back then, Kade. I lashed out at everyone because I wanted you all to hurt too. The truth is, I am far from blameless. I should have spoken up. I should have confided in Keats and Keanu. I had my reasons, but I chose not to say anything, and it’s not fair to expect you all to be mind readers. Yes, I’m disappointed none of you saw how troubled I was or did anything about it, but everyone was dealing with shit, and shit happens.”
“You’re a good man, Kent. I’m not sure I’d be so charitable in your shoes.”
