“I thought you would’ve gone to Viola.”
“I don’t think Viola would understand.” I run my fingers through the five-o’clock shadow on his jawline, loving the tingly feel of his bristle against my skin.
“You already knew what you were going to do.” He palms one side of my face.
Slowly, I nod, not surprised he gets it. Vander has a high level of emotional intelligence. “I just wanted someone to tell me it was okay to take something for myself.”
“Remind me to thank June when I see her next.”
“For someone who doesn’t like cock, she sure was excited for me.” I giggle as I recall our conversation. “I had barely gotten the words out of my mouth when she was dancing around the room, screaming and shouting and telling me to go for it.” I hold back on telling him exactly what she said. It made me blush, and it would only stroke Vander’s ego.
June is into women and happily engaged to her fiancée, Carly, but she didn’t hold back in her gushing about Vander. It seems I’m not the only older woman who has noticed how hot he is.
“I knew I liked her for a reason.” Vander scoops me up and deposits me on his lap until I’m straddling him. My short dress rides up my thighs, and I’m flashing a lot of skin. His eyes darken, and a shudder works its way through me. My new panties are already wet, and he hasn’t even touched me.
Adrenaline courses through my veins, comingling with trepidation. “I’m scared,” I admit, placing my hands on his shoulders.
“Scared of what, baby?” He rubs his nose up and down my neck as his hands land low on my back. “You know I’ll take care of you.”
“Scared of everything.” I want to say this last piece and then move forward with my decision. “Scared my kids will hate me if they find out. Scared of ruining your life when you have your entire future ahead of you. Scared of losing you when you discover I’m not everything you make me out to be.” I toy with the hairs on the nape of his neck. “Scared of loving you so much I forget myself all over again.”Scared of getting naked with a guy who looks as perfect as you do, knowing I won’t compare to the girls who have come before.I hold the thought back because that insecurity is best left unspoken.
“It wouldn’t be worth the risk unless there was something to lose, and it’s completely understandable to be scared.” He lifts my hand, pressing a soft kiss to the underside of my wrist. “I’m scared of getting everything my heart desires and not being able to hold on to it.”
“It’s not too late to back out,” I say, hating how those words feel like a dagger slicing through my heart. I am already so invested in him. Deep down, I’ve been denying how I feel, hiding behind all the obstacles and clinging to them instead of facing my reality. I am already half in love with Vander, and I don’t think it will take long to give him the rest of my heart.
“We both know it is.” He brushes a soft kiss on the corner of my mouth. “There is nothing you or I could do to fight this. We are meant to be.” He kisses the other corner of my mouth.
“I’m so selfish,” I whisper. “I used to think I was a good mom, but a good mom doesn’t sneak around with her son’s best friend behind his back, especially knowing the risks.”
“Your being with me doesn’t make you a bad mom, Kendall. There is nothing wrong with taking happiness for yourself.” His lips glide briefly against mine, and a contented whimper flies from my mouth. “This feels good, feels right, because you and I were written in the stars, babe.” He wraps me up in a huge hug with his face buried against my chest. “Don’t feel guilty for being with me when it was always our destiny.” His warm breath ghosts over the exposed skin of my cleavage, hardening my nipples to sharp points.
“I will try,” I truthfully say because it’s not like this guilt is going to evaporate in a puff of air.
“I can’t deal with uncertainty.” He pulls back and stares up at me. “If you are giving me six months, I need you to fully commit to it, Kendall. Anything less will only mess with my head.”
“I’m committing to you,” I say without hesitation. “That won’t change. I’m just explaining I will have periods where I have doubts and I’m consumed with self-loathing and guilt. You need to prepare yourself for that.”
“We can work through it as long as we are together.”
“Let’s do this then,” I say, leaning down to kiss him. “Let’s be wild and reckless together.”
32
KENDALL
Vander immediately takes control of the kiss, angling his head and gorging on my mouth with urgent, impatient lips. We devour one another, and I groan when his tongue slips between my lips, exploring the inside of my mouth. His hands clamp down on my ass, and I slide down his body until my dress has ridden to my upper thighs and I’m sitting directly on top of his erection.
I don’t know who moves first, but it heats up fast. We are frantically thrusting against one another in a desperate quest to get closer, and it’s still not enough. Grabbing fistfuls of his hair, I rock my hips against the bulge straining beneath his sweatpants, grinding myself along his hard length as every nerve ending in my body comes alive. He bites down on my lower lip, before soothing it with his tongue, while his fingers creep under the hem of my dress from behind. I moan into his mouth as he kneads my ass through my flimsy lace panties. Liquid lust gushes from my core as his fingers brush against my bare flesh, and I’m about ready to erupt from my skin.
My nipples ache behind my dress as I thrust my body against his while he eats my mouth with a savagery I love. “Wrap your legs around my waist and hold on tight,” he demands when he pauses to draw a breath. I do as I’m told, clinging to him as he stands and walks toward the bed tucked into the alcove just inside the window. He continues kissing me, and it helps to steady my nerves.
Very carefully, he lowers me to the center of the bed on my back before climbing over me. Keeping himself propped up by his elbows, he peers into my eyes, his expression serious and full of longing. “Please tell me you want this.” He traces the tip of his finger across my collarbone, eliciting a rake of fiery shivers along my skin.
“I want this,” I say in a husky voice. “But I’m nervous.” He’s used to nubile, flawless bodies, and that’s not me. I know I’m in good shape for my age, and I’m not immune to the way men look at me, but I’m no pretty young thing with a bag of sexual tricks up her sleeve.
“Don’t be nervous. I will take good care of you.” He kisses me softly, which is at huge odds with how he was devouring me on the couch. “I know how to make it good for you, but I won’t lie. I’m primed to explode, and I can’t be gentle the first time. I need to fuck you, Kendall. I need to fuck you hard so your body understands you’re mine now.”
Jesus Christ. I truly am out of my depth with him, but I’m looking forward to getting schooled. “I want you to fuck me hard. Don’t hold back, Vander. Give it all to me.”
