“You’re right,” Curtis quietly says. “I’m so sorry.”
“Are you getting a divorce?” Stella inquires.
“Absolutely not.” I lift my head in time to see Curtis vehemently shaking his head. He slides to the floor and kneels before us, taking our daughter’s free hand in his and bringing it to his lips. He kisses the back of her hand. “I’m sorry I failed our family.” Letting her hand go, he moves over in front of me. “I’m sorry I failed you.” Tears pool in his eyes, and I want to believe him, but I’m finding it difficult. “I know I haven’t been trying hard enough lately, but I love you, Kendall. I love this life we have built, and I will do better. I promise. I don’t want a divorce. I want to fix things.”
I’m kind of numb as I listen to him saying all the right things. I glance at my son and daughter, and both stare at me with hopeful anticipation, and I know I need to do this. “I love you too.” The words feel hollow to my ears, and my heart doesn’t react at all when he leans in and kisses me. I can’t remember the last time he kissed me, and I feel overwhelming sadness as his lips brush against mine. The stark contrast to how I felt earlier when Vander did the same thing is telling.
Then, I felt tingles everywhere, and I had to fight a vicious internal battle not to grab his head and kiss the living daylights out of him.
Now, I have to hide a shudder and quell the urge to shove my husband away.
I force the brightest smile on my face as I turn to my children. “We don’t want you to worry. Your dad and I promise to work on our relationship. What’s most important is how much we love you both and your younger brother.”
“You guys are everything to us,” Curtis says, and it’s the only thing we agree on anymore. “I am sorry I let you down. I’m ashamed of my actions, but you need to put it aside and let me and Mom work through it.”
West darts in, kissing my cheek before standing. “I can’t promise that, Dad. I won’t let you hurt Mom again. Treat her right, and there’s nothing to worry about.”
Curtis clamps a hand down on West’s shoulder. “I can do that, son.” He yanks him into a hug. “I’m proud of the man you’re becoming and excited for your future.” He stands back, smiling a proud smile. “You just focus on school and football, and let us take care of the rest.”
“Are you sure you’re okay, Mom?” Stella asks, inspecting my face carefully.
“I’m fine, sweetheart. Daddy’s correct. Just focus on school, and enjoy being a junior. Responsibilities come around quicker than you’d think. Enjoy being carefree, and live your best life.” I hug her tight. “Try to put this out of your mind, and let us be the adults.” I brush dark locks out of her eyes. “Okay?”
They nod. We are silent as our kids exit the room, seeming happier than they were when they came in. West glances back at us, offering me a soft smile. I can tell he’s still concerned. No doubt Stella is too, and I vow to do better. They shouldn’t be worrying about this.
“Drink?” Curtis asks, closing the door and striding toward his liquor cabinet.
“No thanks.” I settle my hands on my lap, watching as he fixes himself a whiskey. He walks back over, reclaiming the chair rather than sitting beside me. “Did you mean it?” I ask, staring him in the eyes.
“Which part?” He waggles his brows as he swirls the amber-colored liquid in his glass.
“All of it.”
He stares at me as he drinks a healthy mouthful of his drink. Nerves jangle inside me as I watch him sizing me up with cunning eyes. Right now, Curtis Hawthorne is a complete stranger to me. As if I haven’t known him for over twenty years. There was a time I could tell what he was thinking just by glancing at him. Now, I have no clue, only that the cold, sneering, superior glaze of his eyes warns of impending cruelty.
“I meant it when I said West needs to focus on school and football. We can’t mess up this opportunity for him. He could go all the way to the NFL. He could have the chance I missed out on when I broke my arm. Nothing can distract him from that.”
I have always known Curtis is living vicariously through our son. If I didn’t know West lived and breathed football, I would have stopped Curtis from pushing him so hard, but the truth is, it’s what West wants. “I agree. It’s the same for Stella. Junior year is still an important year. We need to try harder. I had no idea they had noticed so much.”
“They’re smart kids.” He drains his drink before lifting his eyes to mine. I see zero warmth or compassion there. “So, we need to put on the show of a lifetime. At least until Stella graduates high school, and then we can divorce.”
Although I have been thinking of divorce a lot recently, his words are still a blow. I’m not sure what expression he sees on my face, but he laughs, and it’s a mean, spiteful sound. “God, you’re so fucking gullible.” He snaps his fingers in my face. “Wake up and smell the coffee, Kendall.” He crosses an ankle over his knee. “I told them what they needed to hear. Of course, I don’t love you. I haven’t for a long time. Why do you think I was fucking Lydia?”
“Because you’re a disloyal asshole.” I’m happy my voice doesn’t shake even though I’m trembling inside.
“No one could live up to your expectations, Kendall. You just have to be the perfect wife. The perfect neighbor. The perfect employee. It’s fucking exhausting, and you left no time for me. If you want to blame someone for my affairs, blame yourself. You dropped me like a hot potato the instant the kids arrived. And when my football dream ended, you weren’t there for me. All you cared about was I got a good job to support us.”
“That’s not fair! You know I was devastated for you, and what about my dreams?” I thump a hand over my chest. “You know I wanted to study philosophy in college and pursue a career in social research. Things haven’t exactly gone the way I planned either, but we have a good life. Amazing kids. Why couldn’t it be enough for you?”
“That’s your problem, Kendall. You lack ambition in all aspects of your life. You might be content with vanilla sex once a week, but I need more excitement. I want a woman who knows how to please a man in bed. Someone adventurous who prioritizes her man. That’s not you.”
His words cut through skin and bone, pulverizing my heart, like intended. I want to tell him I was bored with our sex life too—not that we’ve been having any for months. I was more than willing to try different things, and he fucking knows it. I should defend myself, but I can’t speak past the painful lump clogging my throat. It’s clear he has harbored resentment for a lot longer than I realized.
“And let’s be honest,” he continues, moving to the liquor cabinet to refill his drink. “It’s not like we got to choose. You got yourself pregnant and sealed our fates.”
Anger flares in my gut, and I swallow past the lump. “Last I checked, there were two of us involved, and I did choose. I chose you.”
“Well, I didn’t choose you.” He returns to his seat, flashing me a dark grin. “I did the right thing for my family, and that’s what we’re going to do now.”
