“Why?” I tilt my head to the side, genuinely curious. “I’m not judging by the way. Just trying to understand your mindset.”
“After I left home, my sole focus was keeping a roof over my head and food in my belly. I enjoyed casual sex, but I didn’t want the distraction of a relationship. Then I met Ben, and I was focused on my new career path.” He shrugs, glancing briefly at the menu again. “Truth is, I didn’t let myself feel anything for any of the women I was with because I didn’t want to get attached. This kind of life is not easy for women and I didn’t want to drag anyone into it.”
“That makes sense, to a point. But it’s exactly whymafiosogenerally choose girlfriends, and always take wives, within our community. You can’t tell me there haven’t been women within mafia circles who you could have dated.”
The waitress approaches then, putting a temporary hold on our conversation. We scan the menu quickly and order. Crab cakes and rib eye steak for Alesso. Scallops and the filet mignon for me. I order a bottle of the most expensive champagne. We’re celebrating, and I want to treat him because he has looked after me so well for months. Now, it’s my turn to look after him.
“You’re right. I could have dated within our world.” He runs a finger along the collar of his dress shirt, looking a little uncomfortable.
It’s challenging not to ogle him outright because he looks hot in his navy suit with white shirt and red tie. I noticed the looks he picked up as we made our way across the restaurant when we arrived. I am not the only one to notice what a great catch he is. “But I have avoided it,” he continues, tenderly cupping one side of my face. “The truth is, I have avoided commitment. Evaded scenarios that could lead to it. I have learned to rely on myself, and entrusting my heart to a woman has always scared the hell out of me.” His fingers sweep gently along my jawline, and I feel his featherlight touch everywhere. “Until you.”
“Really?” I ask.
He nods, smiling adorably at me.
“Wow. That makes me unbelievably happy, and I feel the same way about you.”
“That is music to my ears.” Leaning in, he presses a slow lingering kiss to my cheek. “I think I was always saving myself for you. I just didn’t know it.”
Tears prick my eyes, but they are the happy kind for a change. I don’t hold back, flinging my arms around him and holding him tight. “In all the ways that matter, you are my first,” I choke out, believing it with every shred of my being.
A throat clearing has us breaking apart. The waitress smiles as she holds the bottle of champagne out for our inspection. Alesso takes my hand under the table as she pours each of us a glass. “A toast,” he says when she is gone. “To us. To new beginnings.”
I clink my glass against his. “To new beginnings.”
We chat nonstop over dinner, and it’s the most relaxed I’ve been in ages. Alesso is great company and very knowledgeable on lots of topics. We discuss some of the self-help books we have read, places around the world we would love to visit someday, and our favorite movies and music. Our conversation digresses to my kids several times. “I adore those kids,” he says in between mouthfuls of succulent steak. “They have the most amazing personalities, and I love how they see wonder in everything around them.”
“I lucked out with my kids.”
He stops cutting his steak to look at me. “You’re their mom. Luck wasn’t involved.”
Feeling brave, I lean in and brush my lips against his mouth, almost giddy with how natural it feels. “Thank you, and they adore you too.” I fight a giggle when I see the shell-shocked look on his face. I’m not sure Alesso knows what to do with this more confident version of me. Mom, Sierra, Pamela, and Chelsea would be so proud of me tonight. “But you know that.”
“Do you want more kids?” he asks, cutting another piece of his rib eye.
“I haven’t given it much thought,” I truthfully admit. “But I love kids, and I’m one of the freakish minority of women who love pregnancy, so I definitely wouldn’t rule it out.” Heat rises up my neck. “If I met the right man.” My eyes bore into his, conveying everything I haven’t said.
“I’ll tell you a secret.” He moves his mouth to my ear. “I have always wanted kids. A wife and a family of my own.”
“I doubt that’s a secret to anyone who knows you,” I say. “You’re a family man through and through. Even if you didn’t have that growing up.”
“I never want my children to grow up feeling unwanted or neglected. If I’m lucky enough to have kids one day, I will lavish them with love and nurture them with kindness and patience.” This time his eyes pierce mine with the intensity of all he hasn’t said.
“You will be the most amazing father, and your kids will be the luckiest kids on the planet.”
His lips collide with mine in a firm but brief kiss. “Thank you. I love how you see the best in everyone.”
Not everyone. “I see goodness only where it exists.” He nods knowingly, and we finish our meal before the waitress arrives to clear our plates.
26
SERENA
“Ihave something to tell you,” Alesso says after we have ordered the chocolate mousse to share and a cocktail for me and scotch for him.
“Shoot.” I fold my napkin, setting it on the booth beside me.
“Well, two somethings.” He squirms on his seat, the leather squelching with the motion.
