“She does,” I admit, acknowledging how much healthier Serena seems these days. The haunted look she used to sport is a thing of the past, and it’s clear she is healing. She appears to enjoy her weekly therapy sessions now. She is moving forward, and I am happy for her.
But I wish she was moving forward with me.
I take a swig of my beer as that selfish thought lands in my mind.
“Anything else happen between you?”
I gave Brando a censored version of what happened that night with Rena because I needed to talk to someone about it. I didn’t go into specifics because I would never talk about Rena like that to anyone. But Brando knows enough to understand things didn’t end well and that she has closed her mind to the prospect of anything more than friendship with me. “I’m still firmly in the friend zone.”
“Maybe you should make a move. She seems to have turned a corner.”
“It’s only been a couple of months, and the ball is in her court. I don’t want to presume anything and push her back into an unhealthy place. I won’t jeopardize her recovery.”
“You have the patience of a saint.”
“I have feelings for her. Strong feelings,” I admit, and it’s the closest I have come to telling anyone I love her. “I would wait for eternity if I had to.”
“I’m sure your blue balls won’t thank you for that admission,” he drawls, raising his bottle to his lips.
“You let me worry about my balls.”
“All joking aside, I think you’re doing the right thing. I see the way she looks at you. She has feelings for you too. I’m sure when she works through everything she’ll be grateful you waited for her.”
“Right now, I have no clue whether she will ever want anything more than friendship with me, and it kills me, man. I have never wanted anyone the way I want her.”
The sofa dips beside me as Leo sits down, catching the end of my statement. He lifts his beer, clinking his bottle against mine. “From one poor bastard to another, I commiserate.” His eyes are bloodshot, and from the way he was guzzling scotch earlier and knocking back beers this past hour, I can tell he’s smashed. Leo only ever admits his feelings for Natalia when he’s drunk.
“I don’t know how you stand it,” Brando says. “Either of you.” He casts a glance over his shoulder at Natalia. She looks this way, her brow instantly puckering with concern when her gaze lands on a clearly inebriated Leo.
“We have no choice,” Leo says, doing nothing to disguise his longing as he stares at Ben’s sister. Turning his head, he pins me with somber eyes. “It sucks to be us.”
“I wouldn’t say that. At least we still get to share in some part of their lives. That counts for something.”
“I used to think like that,” Leo slurs. “But years of this shit has gotten to me. Now I think it might be best if I never had to see her again. Especially not withhim.” His lips pull into an ugly sneer. “I fucking hate that bastard.”
Brando and I both know why he hates Accardi, and it’s more than the fact Leo would already be predisposed to hate whoever was Natalia’s husband.
“You’re lucky Gifoli is dead,” he says. “If Accardi died tomorrow, I wouldn’t waste another second. I’d tell Natalia everything. Lay it all on the line. I know Rena has issues ’cause of that abusive asshole, but you should still let her know how you feel. Don’t make the same mistakes I have made.” He slaps a hand over my chest, in the place where my heart steadily beats. “Let her know you love her before it’s too late.”
* * *
“I love Captain America.” Elisa stares dreamily into space as we leave the movie theater after watching the latest Marvel release. She and Romeo are holding my hands as we make our way out of the elevator. Frank rolls his eyes as he grips Rowan’s hand tightly when the little wriggler tries to get loose. Both of us scan the parking lot for threats as we escort the three kids to the SUV.
“You can’t love him,” Rowan says. “You love Caleb.”
I fight a grin. Elisa’s crush on Caleb Accardi is super cute, but I doubt Caleb sees it that way. Most fourteen-year-olds wouldn’t.
“It’s a free world. I can love Captain AmericaandCaleb,” she retorts, in typical Elisa fashion. Frank’s lips twitch, and I can tell he’s smothering laughter too. This little girl slays me in the best possible way. I adore her as much as if she was my own flesh and blood. I don’t think Serena realizes how much I love her kids or that I secretly wish they were mine.
“Gross,” Romeo says. “Love is gross. I’m never gonna love any girl.”
“Girls are gross,” Rowan agrees, nodding. “I’m never getting married.” His face contorts. “All my daddy does is slobber all over my mommy.” Rowan lowers his voice a little as I stuff my laughter back down my throat. “And he touches her boobies. I’ve seen him!”
Frank and I exchange an amused expression as we pull up alongside the SUV. I might have to mention that one to the boss. Nario hops out, opening the back doors and helping us to secure the kids in their seats. They talk while we buckle them in.
Ben and Sierra had an appointment with the ob-gyn today, and the boss is working from home this afternoon. Ciro went with them, and Ben okayed it so Frank and I could take the kids to see a movie because Sierra doesn’t work on Fridays and she has no plans after the doctor. Rena is at NYU with Natalia on some kind of orientation day. Both women were accepted to their respective courses, and they are due to start classes soon. I am so proud of Serena. I know she is scared shitless, but the fact she is pursuing her dream shows just how far she has come.
It gives me hope for the future. That we can get to a place where she’s ready to start a relationship with me.
