Zeta drops to her knees in front of me, clutching my free hand with tears in her eyes.
“He’s alive,” Kat manages to say through her cries. “But they’ve had to have him committed again.”
Blood thrums in my ears, and my heartbeat accelerates, my heart pounding and pounding behind my rib cage, like someone’s turning a key, propelling it to beat faster and faster. “I’ll be there as soon as I can,” I say before hanging up.
My chest heaves and I can’t breathe. Pulling my hand from Zeta’s, I get up, staggering as my legs threaten to go out from under me. The room spins, and I can hear my heartbeat in my ears, pounding and pounding, crashing and careening, and my lungs seize up. I’m gasping loudly, arms flailing, eyes darting wildly about the place.
Micah grabs hold of my shoulders. “Deep breaths, man. In and out. Nice and slow. Bring it back down.” He breathes with me, and I watch his chest rising and falling, steadying my own breaths, allowing a rush of oxygen to fill up my lungs.
“Put your hands on your knees,” Gar says, rubbing his hand up and down my spine as I bend over, still breathing heavily, waiting for the intense fluttering in my chest to level off.
“I’m okay now.” I straighten up, a couple minutes later, accepting the glass of water from Scott and taking a few sips. My eyes search for Zeta, and she’s crying, holding her arms around her waist as she stares at me. “He’s okay,” I reassure her, realizing she has no clue what’s gone down.
Standing, she comes toward me, throwing her arms around my neck, and I pull her body into mine, closing my eyes and letting the last vestiges of my panic attack go. Her warmth and her smell wrap around me, settling my nerves, reminding me I’m not alone.
“Not that I’m not concerned for Luc, but it’s you I’m worried about,” she sobs, clutching me even tighter. The guys slip out of the room to give us some privacy. She leans back, cupping my face. “Does that happen a lot?”
I grip her waist, keeping her flush against me. “Certain things push me over the edge, but I haven’t had an anxiety attack in months.” She peppers my face with soft, tiny kisses, and tears fill my eyes. “Don’t ever leave me, Zeta. Please don’t ever go.” I’m aware how pitiful I sound, but I couldn’t give two shits right now.
I need her.
I need her so much, and if that makes me a pussy, so be it.
She presses a brief, tender kiss to my lips, before resting her forehead against mine. “Wild horses couldn’t drag me away from you now. I love you, Ryder, and I’m here for you.” She circles her arms around my neck again, nuzzling into my cheek.
“I can’t ever be without you, and I love you so, so much.” I press a kiss to the top of her hair, finally back to normal. Slipping out of our embrace, I take her hand and lead her over to the couch. Sinking into it, I haul her into my lap. She curls herself around me, resting her head on my chest. “When’s the last time you spoke to Luc?” I’m pretty sure I know when it was, but I don’t know if he’s reached out to her since the accident because I’ve deliberately taken a back seat in Luc’s life the last couple years.
“I haven’t spoken to him in five years,” she admits, and I hear remorse in her tone.
I lift her head up. “I have a lot to fill you in on, but I need to go see him. Would you like to come with?”
She nods without hesitation. “I only kept my distance from him because I knew he was working with you. I didn’t want him to feel like he was stuck in the middle of us, so I stopped answering his calls, and eventually, he gave up trying.”
I tuck her hair behind her ears. “He’s in a bad way, baby. He tried to take his own life, and it’s not the first time.”
“No! Oh, God, no.” Tears spill down her cheeks again, and I’m struggling to contain my own emotions too.
“He’s not going to be the Luc you knew and loved. You sure you’re up for that?”
She swipes at the moisture under her eyes. “I’m not leaving you to deal with this alone, and I feel terrible that I cut him out of my life. I’m a horrible friend.”
“No blame game, remember?” I rub my thumb under her eyes. “Let’s be there for him now.”
The guys had called Rod while we were talking, and he’s already organized the private jet. Mike drives us to East Hampton Airport, and we board the plane, settling in for the long flight.
My stomach sours when I realize Sarah is our attendant for the duration of the flight. I stupidly fucked her the last time she flew with us, and judging by the not-too-subtle eye-fuck she’s just given me, I’m guessing she figures she’s in for a repeat performance. I was high as a fucking kite the last time we screwed, and I barely even remember it. I’ve done a lot of soul-searching since Zeta came back into my life, and I’ve made some really shitty decisions since I entered the music industry, especially where it concerns women.
“Sit here,” I tell Zeta, taking her hand and positioning her beside me. I drape my arm over her shoulder and whisper in her ear. “I need you close.”
“Because you want me close or you want to send a message to your fuck buddy that you’re not interested this time?” Her tone is curt, and I detect the hurt hiding behind it.
I tilt her face to mine. “I love you. Only you, and I want you close. Always.” I keep my eyes on hers as I lower my mouth, brushing my lips softly across hers as I test the waters. I haven’t tried to kiss her again since that first day when we made out on the terrace, because I’m trying to respect her wishes. But fuck it. I want to reassure her. And it can’t hurt to drill the message home to Sarah either—I’m off the market. Permanently, if I get my way.
When she doesn’t push me away, and her eyes flutter shut, I kiss her more deeply, winding my hand around the back of her neck, drawing her closer. Every part of me craves every part of her, and I wish we were alone so I could worship her body in the way she deserves.
“We’re about to take off,” Sarah barks in my ear. “And the pilot has asked that everyone buckle up.” I pull away from Zeta, noting the hostile vibes Sarah’s sending her way.
Out of the corner of my eye, I spot Mike laughing, but there’s nothing funny about this situation. Eight hours is a long-ass fucking time to be stuck with a moody broad with her nose out of joint.
