She switches on the radio, working hard to keep my spirits up as we drive to Newport Beach, but I’m lousy company, and I barely even acknowledge her chatter.
The house is a beautiful big family home on a prime site overlooking the magnificent beach, but I barely take in my surroundings or properly acknowledge Jill’s fiancé, Liam, as we meet for the first time. He’s made dinner, and I have to force myself into eating it so I’m not rude. Afterward, I insist on cleaning up, and then Jill shows me to my bedroom.
It’s gorgeous. Painted in duck egg blue and cream with a gigantic four-poster bed, huge walk-in closet, en suite bath, and my own couch and TV, it’s like something from a showhouse or a posh hotel. I thank her, reassuring her that I love it when I see the skeptical look on her face. Before she leaves, she tells me to come and get her if I need her for anything.
I set the envelope down on my bedside table, strip off my clothes, and take a long, hot shower, but I can’t even enjoy the luxury of it because I can’t get the letter off my mind, and I can’t eradicate the horrible sense of dread I feel.
But I can’t avoid reading it forever, so once I’m in my pajamas, tucked up in bed, with a cup of chamomile tea—courtesy of my thoughtful aunt—I slide my finger under the flap of the envelope and remove the contents.
I stare at the folded piece of paper in my lap until my tea turns stone cold. My heart is in my throat as I finally pluck up the courage to open it. With shaking fingers, I start to read.
Zeta,
Writingthis letter is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. There is no easy way to tell you this, but I’ve left Orange County, and I’m not coming back. I’m sorry I’ve broken every promise I ever made to you, but you were right—things have changed. I’ve changed, and with time and distance, I’ve realized the things I want are different from the things we planned together. I will always love you and always remember our time together as a happy period in my life, but I’ve moved on. I’ve met someone else, and I’m moving to be with her. The last thing I ever wanted to do is hurt you, and I hate myself for that. You’re destined for great things, Zeta. I know you’re going to have an amazing life. Be happy because you deserve all the happiness in the world.
Ryder.
I stare at the letter,rereading it several times, until I can no longer see through the tears coating my eyes.
I don’t understand.
Everything was fine two weeks ago. When he was declaring his love for me and proposing marriage. Was it all a lie? Did he mean anything that he said? Or was it just pity that drove him to help me?
I’m so confused and still in a state of shock. I half-expect him to jump out from under the bed, laughing at my distress, like it was some sick, perverted joke. Or a test to prove my loyalty, but I know that’s just my stupid foolish heart speaking.
I can’t believe he’s fallen for someone else so soon, but is it really that much of a surprise? Maybe he’s one of those guys who falls in love at the drop of a hat, moving from girl to girl, professing undying love until someone new captures his eye. That’s the only explanation that holds any weight and the more likely scenario. I prefer to think like that than accept he never loved me at all.
Fat teardrops drip onto the page, smudging his messy handwriting. I curl into a ball under the covers, wrapping my arms around my body tight, as if that will somehow hold the heartache at bay. Wracking sobs heave my chest, and I bury my face in my pillow, trying to muffle the sound of my pain. I cry until my throat is raw and my eyes sting.
Today should’ve been one of the happiest days of my life, but Ryder has managed to destroy every joyful feeling.
At some point, Jill slips into the room, crawling into the bed with me and wrapping her arms around my frozen body. She whispers reassurances, telling me how much she loves me and that she’s here for me, but there’s no comfort she can offer that will fill the huge gaping hole in my chest. I’ve never experienced such heart-crushing pain before, and the ache in my chest penetrates cell deep, invading every part of me, ensuring no organ, no tissue, no cell, is left unscathed. The scars on my heart run wide and deep, and I know I’ll carry them with me forever.
Ryder is gone, and he’s taken part of me with him.
The part that believed in the dream.
In the healing power of love.
His love may have been fleeting, and he may have gotten over me and moved on, but I know, without a shadow of doubt, that he is my one true love, and I will never, ever get over him.
And, for as long as I live, I will never forgive him for destroying me like this.
Part II
Eight Years Later
16
Ryder
Islowly come to, conscious of something hot and heavy pressing down on my back. Ignoring the dull pounding in my head, I lift my upper body, glancing over my shoulder and scowling at the naked girl using my back as her own personal pillow. She’s snoring and drooling onto my skin, and a nasty shiver works its way through my body as I slide out from under her.
“Mike,” I croak, my throat rasping from the aftereffects of last night. “Mike,” I yell, louder this time, while swinging my legs over the side of the bed and reaching for the bottle of water on top of my bedside table. The girl groans, turning over onto her back, blinking her eyes open.
“Hey, sexy,” she purrs, sitting up while stifling a yawn. Smudged, thick, black mascara rims her bloodshot eyes as she fixes them on me. Bile mixes with the nasty sandpaper-like taste in my mouth when she crawls on her hands and knees toward me, licking her lips and scanning my naked body with hungry eyes.
“You looking for me, boss?” Mike pops his head through the bedroom door.
