13
Ryder
For years, I wished to speed up time, and now all I want to do is slow it down. The next few weeks with Zeta are some of the best weeks of my life. And I don’t say that lightly. Because we’re still in juvie, with nonexistent privacy and minimal opportunities to be a normal couple, but just sharing the same airspace as her has me floating on a cloud.
I’m well aware I sound like a total pussy. But I couldn’t give a flying fuck.
For the first time, ever, I am fucking happy. Even Dr. Blaufeld has noticed the changes. And, while he’s happy for me, especially because my nightmares and flashbacks are becoming more infrequent, he’s cautioned me about relying too heavily on my girlfriend, telling me I have to take responsibility for my own happiness, because learning to control and manage my mental health shouldn’t be based on how someone else makes me feel. I get his concern, and I know it’s coming from a good place, but no one is taking this away from me.
Zeta and I spend as much time together as we can, and now that the threat of victimization has been removed, we’re both much freer. My mini meltdown in the yard, when I pummeled the shit out of Lopez, was enough to convince everyone to stay away from me, and now that Zeta’s my girl, that protection applies to her too. But that’s not the only reason for her newfound optimism.
Zeta confessed to Dr. Reynolds, which proved to be a good judgment call, because the doctor always believed there was more to the story, and she didn’t hesitate to believe this new version of events. Having her support has bolstered Zeta’s confidence, especially because her attorney failed her, refusing to accept the truth and advising Zeta against appeal. With Dr. Reynold’s help, Zeta has filed new paperwork to have her attorney replaced. But, because it’s court-appointed, and there’s a ton of red tape to go through, it’s going to take time before a new attorney is assigned to her case, and there’s no guarantee he or she will be any better than the previous one, but at least it’s some progress.
“These lyrics are so good,” Zeta says, handing me back my notepad.
“That’s only because I have the best inspiration,” I say, pecking her lips superfast before any of the guards on duty in the common room notice.
“I’ll never be as good as you, and that makes me so envious.” A little crease appears between her brows. “Is it normal to be jealous of your boyfriend?”
“When he’s as hot, sexy, and supremely talented as me, I’d guess that’d be a yes.” I have no clue how I manage to say that without laughing. Winding her up is way too easy.
She thumps me in the chest. “What have I told you about reining in that ridiculous ego of yours?” She’s shaking her head, attempting to smother her grin. She’s as good at goading me as I am her, and it’s just another thing I love about her.
“It’s not ego if it’s true.”
“Says the egotistical one.”
I glance over at the guards quickly before capturing her mouth again, only this time I can’t keep it brief. Man, I love kissing her, and I wish we could take things further, but I’m not about to do that in here, because Zeta deserves more than a quick fuck behind the guard’s back, and I’m determined to make our first time as special as it can be. But it’s hard to hold back, not knowing how long I’ll have to wait for her, especially when she turns me on so much jerking off twice daily has become the norm.
Watson, predictably, blows his whistle, stomping toward us like a herd of elephants. I brace myself for it. “No kissing. No touching. You know the rules,” he snaps, glaring at me, before his eyes drop to Zeta’s tits. Her gaze darts to mine, and she cautions me with one of her looks.
“Sorry, Officer Watson,” Zeta says, smiling sweetly at him. “It won’t happen again.”
“It better not. I’d hate to have to separate you on a more permanent basis.” Every so often, when we lapse and indulge in PDAs, Watson makes a point of separating us as punishment. It makes me so fucking mad, because he’s gotten away with screwing the female inmates for years. But I know his threat is an empty threat, so I grit my teeth and wait until he’s walked away before unclenching my fists.
“Babe, stop letting him get to you,” Zeta says, discreetly tangling her fingers in mine while Watson’s back is turned. “He wants you to hit him just so he can get your release delayed. Don’t give him the satisfaction. He’s not worth it.”
“I know that, but the way he looks at you fills me with so much rage.”
“He can look all he wants, but the only one who’ll ever be touching me is you.” She drills me with a suggestive look, and it almost works to distract me.
“If he comes near you after I’m gone, I will not be responsible for my actions.” It’s one of my biggest fears—what will happen to her when she’s in here by herself.
“That’s not going to happen. Powell won’t let it. She gave you her word, and I know you trust her.”
I finally caved and went to Powell about Watson. It was risky, but I’m sick of watching him leer over my girlfriend, sick of him bending the rules, and getting away with it. Powell told me she’s always suspected him, but without concrete proof, the administration will not investigate any claims. Instead, she keeps him in line by threatening to report him. She’s promised to ensure he goes nowhere near Zeta after I leave, and I trust her to keep my girl safe. Doesn’t stop me from worrying though.
“I know, but I still worry.” I pluck at the strings of my guitar, a new melody floating through my mind.
“Well, stop, because I know how to defend myself, and I honestly don’t think anyone is going to mess with me after you’re gone. And I have Luc.”
I stop playing, slanting her a look. “Luc couldn’t protect a fly. Kid’s way too soft. If anyone’s doing the protecting after I’m gone, it’ll be you protecting him.”
“I think you underestimate him.”
“Babe, I love Luc like a brother, so don’t think this is me criticizing him, because I’m not. I love that Luc has a big heart, and I hope he never changes.”
“Is that something new?” she asks, narrowing her eyes in concentration. I didn’t realize I’d been absently playing as we spoke.
