“Very well.” She turns her gaze on Zeta as I sit down on the chair, pulling it in close to the bed. “I’m glad you’re okay. You gave us all a fright last night.”
“Thank you for getting me here in time.” Zeta reaches out, clasping Powell’s hand.
“I can give you an hour, no more. This isn’t exactly standard protocol.”
“I appreciate that,” Zeta says, casting a quick glance at me. “Thank you for bringing him here.”
Powell pops earbuds in her ears. “I can’t leave the room, but I’ll give you as much privacy as I can.” She drags a chair over to the door, facing it to the wall, and sits down, plugging her earphones into her iPod, giving us space to talk alone. Not for the first time, I’m so grateful for that woman and all the ways in which she’s tried to help me over the years. I don’t know why she does it. Maybe she’s just a fucking awesome human being, but I know my juvie experience could’ve been hella worse without her presence in my life.
I give Zeta my full attention. “Are you okay?”
“I am now,” she whispers, smiling softly.
I take her hand in mine without hesitation, mentally fist pumping the air when she threads her fingers through mine. “How much pain are you in?”
“They’ve given me strong painkillers, so it’s not too bad. I’m trying not to move too much, because my stomach feels like it’s ripping in two every time I reposition myself.”
“I thought I’d lost you.” My voice cracks and I take a second to compose myself. “And I had so many regrets. For being such an asshole. For not accepting your apology. For continuing to let Lopez and Valeria come between us. But mostly for not telling you how much I miss you.” I swallow over the nervous lump in my throat. “How much I love you,” I whisper.
“I thought I dreamt that,” she murmurs, her face slightly flushed.
I smile. “No, I’m pretty sure the whole yard heard me declaring my love.”
Her eyes are brimming with emotion as she tightens her grip on my hand. “Ryder, I love you too, and it terrifies me.”
My heart soars. “I know the feeling.” I rub my thumb in soothing circles across the back of her hand. “I’ve never told anyone that before or had anyone say it to me,” I admit.
“I’ve never loved any other boy but you,” she confirms, and I want to kiss her so badly. “But my parents used to tell me they loved me all the time when I was little, before everything turned to shit.”
She averts her eyes and I sit up on the edge of her bed, careful not to hurt her. “Hey.” I brush my thumb against her cheek. “I’m always here for you if you want to talk about it.”
The look of anguish in her eyes when she meets my gaze almost undoes me. “I’m frightened, Ryder, and I don’t know what to do.”
“Talk to me. Let me help you figure it out.” I continue rubbing her cheek with my thumb, and she seems to draw comfort from it. “Is this something to do with your stepdad coming here earlier?”
She nods. “He’s my guardian and the reason I got put away for my mom’s death.”
I peer into her eyes, seeing everything she wants me to see. “You didn’t kill your mom, did you?” She shakes her head. “He did it? Your stepdad?”
She pauses for a beat and then nods. “I haven’t heard from him since that night, but he showed up here this morning because he’s listed as my official guardian and he was notified by the warden.” Her lips pull into a thin line, and her eyes flash with anger. “He only came to warn me to keep my mouth shut.”
A whole heap of confusing emotions rushes me in that moment, but I focus on Zeta. This isn’t about me; this is all about her. “Why are you covering for him?”
“Because I was afraid if I told the truth that he’d get away with it and I’d be forced to live with him until I turned eighteen. That night, when it all went down, being sent to juvie seemed like the lesser evil, but I didn’t realize they’d convict me of voluntary manslaughter and that it might mean transfer to an adult prison. I don’t want to go to jail, Ryder, but I don’t know how to fix the mess I’m in.”
“Do you feel up to telling me about it?”
She leans her head back against the bedframe, sighing deeply. When she pulls her eyes back to me, she nods, her chest heaving. “I want to tell you. I need to tell someone, because it’s eating me up inside.”
“You can trust me. I promise I won’t tell anyone.”
“I already know that.” She smiles, reaching up and cupping my face. My hand drops down to the bed. “Before I start, I want to thank you. For looking out for me from day one. For being my friend and giving me a reason to open my eyes every morning. For giving up your guitar for me. I know that guitar means everything to you, and I still can’t believe you did that for me.”
“My Fender doesn’t mean everything to me.” I plant my hand over hers on my face. “Youmean everything to me. You’re my entire world, and whatever we need to do to fix this, we’re doing it, because I want us to be together, to build a life together outside those damn walls.”
“I would love that too, but I don’t know if it’s possible. How can I get anyone to believe I’m telling the truth when I’ve lied under oath?”
“Because you were scared, and your mom had just died.”
