I’m tempted to look at Zeta, to see her reaction, to know if it’s true, but I don’t want to give Valeria the satisfaction of knowing she’s right, on both counts, so I keep my gaze trained on the fiery bitch in front of me.
“Lopez is sure gonna love that,” Sam pipes up, earning her a vicious look from Valeria.
“No one is breathing a word to Lopez.” She shoves Sam. “Say anything to him and I’ll fucking slit your throat in your sleep.”
Sam pales, smiling weakly. “I was only kidding.”
“Watch it.” Valeria slants her a threatening look, and Sam meekly nods. When Valeria turns back around to us, that smug look is transparent on her face again. “I don’t give a fuck what you two are doing or pretending you’re doing. Just keep that shit to yourself, and I won’t tell him either.”
“Deal,” Zeta answers before I can. “Now fuck off and leave us alone.”
Valeria flips her the bird before walking in the direction of the sleeping pods. Watson leers at Valeria, openly groping her ass as he walks the girls back to their cells.
Tension is thick in the air as Zeta and I stand silently on the spot, both of us struggling to find something to say. “Is it true?” she asks in a hushed tone a few beats later. I inwardly curse Valeria for bringing the subject up. When I don’t instantly reply, Zeta twists around so she’s in front of me. Our hands are still interlocked, and if I could glue her palm to mine, to keep her skin attached to mine, I’d do it in a heartbeat. She peers up at me through hooded eyes, a shy smile on her face. “I’m a judgment-free zone, and I won’t think any less of you if you are or aren’t.”
“I’ve never had sex,” I blurt as the words burst free.
“Neither have I,” she admits with a wider smile.
“You haven’t?” I arch a brow. “I presumed you were beating guys off left and right.”
She giggles, her tinkling laughter filling the empty space. “Let’s not exaggerate my charms. Guys have hit on me, but it’s not like it’s a daily occurrence.”
“Why the hell not? What’s wrong with the guys in Garden Grove? Are they fucking blind, or their balls haven’t dropped yet?”
She laughs harder. “Oh, their balls have most definitely dropped. The guys in my school are complete horndogs, and they have sex on the brain twenty-four seven.”
“Then how did you manage to avoid caving?”
“It’s quite simple. I don’t want to be a notch on some douche’s bedpost or give it up in a sweaty drunken encounter at a party or a grope fest under the bleachers. I want my first time to be special. To be with someone I care about. I don’t want it to just be a physical encounter because then I’m no better than—” She abruptly cuts off, but I think I know what she was going to say.
No better than my mom.
I have a feeling Zeta’s mom had plenty in common with mine. The thought makes me unbearably sad, and I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and erase both our histories, forging another way for us to meet.
“That only makes me respect you even more,” I say, letting her know I’m not going to pry. If she wants to talk about it, she knows I’m always here to listen. “And it pretty much matches how I feel.” If I wasn’t incarcerated in here, I’m sure I’d have given it up a long time ago, and despite how fucking horny I am, all the damn time, I have zero interest in a rushed, fleeting moment with the threat of discovery looming over us.
I almost caved, last year, when this student intern working with Dr. Blaufeld came on to me after a session, suggesting we take a detour into the laundry room on our way back to the pods. I only turned her down because I’m afraid once I get a taste for sex I won’t be able to stop, and I’d rather choke on my own cock than fuck any of the girls in here.
At least, that’s how I used to feel.
With Zeta here now, it’s completely different.
Now, I want to have sex. With her. But I still won’t.
Because if I’m ever lucky enough to share that experience with her, it sure as hell won’t be a sweaty, rushed fuck behind the guards’ backs.
No, if that’s ever in the cards for us, it will be outside of this place.
Somewhere incredible so I can give us both a memory we can cherish forever.
6
Zeta
Iturn over in the bed, my body covered in a light sheen of sweat, my sleep top and shorts sticking to my skin like adhesive. A ticklish sensation brushes up my leg, and my body spasms, almost dragging me completely from sleep. I bury my head in the pillow, my eyelids heavy with exhaustion. The sensation on my leg intensifies, creeping higher and higher, and a familiar pressure settles on my chest. Adrenaline courses through my body, and my breathing becomes labored. Behind my closed eyes, I’m slowly adjusting to reality. The pressure on my leg solidifies when it reaches my thigh, and I freeze as tendrils of fear rip up and down my spine. My heart is thumping behind my chest, and then I’m aware of the heat on my stomach and I—
Agghhh!!
