“Leo,” she whispers, propping up on her elbows. “What’s wrong?” she inquires, her brow creasing in worry.
Pain flattens my chest until it feels like I can’t breathe. Lust battles what is right inside me until I pull back, sitting on the side of the bed, with my head in my hands. “I’m sorry, Natalia. I’m so sorry, but I can’t do this with you.”
“What? Why?” There is movement on the bed, and when I turn around, she has pulled her legs up to her chest, placing her hands over her pussy, protecting herself from me. Hurt is clear on her face, and I hate that I’m upsetting her again.
“I love you.” I scoot up so I’m closer but still not touching her. “I love you enough not to want to ruin your future.”
She opens her mouth to argue, and I silence her with a shake of my head. “I haven’t been honest with you, and you deserve that much.” I tell her the truth. That her father knows and he threatened me. I explain I purposely pushed her away to protect her. “I can’t be close to you and not be with you, Natalia. This proves it conclusively.” I gesture between us.
“What about what I want?” she whispers. “I know Mama said something to you too. She told me to grab hold of our love with both hands and to enjoy it for the short time we would have together.”
“Mama Rosa said the same to me, but she didn’t know Angelo would find out. That changes everything. What we want doesn’t come into it. You know that.” I move in a little closer, cupping her face. “I love you enough to let you go, and if you love me too, then you must do the same.”
“I think I’m destined to lose everyone I love. Destined to never know a moment’s happiness.” She drops her eyes, refusing to look at me, and I let go of her face.
“Don’t say that. I need to believe you’ll be happy in order to let you go.” It’s the only way I can do this.
“Happiness is an illusion,” she says, her voice sounding dead as she slides off the bed and retrieves her clothing. “And I’m done chasing an illusion.”
I hate hearing her speak like this, but I have nothing to say to that. I’m empty.
“You’re right,” she says after we have silently redressed. “If we can’t be together, we can’t be anything.”
Her words make mincemeat of my heart, but I don’t deny them. “I will always love you, Nat.” I get up, reeling her into my arms one last time. “There won’t be a single day that goes by when you are not on my mind.”
She shucks out of my hold, and the frozen, emotionless look on her face hurts me as much as her agonized, grief-stricken expression from earlier. “Goodbye, Leo. I hope you find some peace and someone amazing who showers you with love and worships the ground you walk on because you deserve to be loved like that.”
I don’t return the sentiment though I wish that for her too. But we both know her fate will not be of her choosing. “If you ever need me, I will always be here for you,” I say, following her out of my bedroom and into the hall. Brando messaged me a few minutes ago, confirming he was outside and ready to take her home whenever she wanted to leave.
She angles her body, turning to me as her fingers grip the door handle. “That’s a sweet sentiment, but we both know it’s not true.” Letting go of the door, she throws herself at me, hugging me close.
My arms band around her, and I pull her close, burying my head in her neck, fighting tears. Closing my eyes, I savor the feel of her in my arms, knowing this is the last time.
“Thank you for telling me the truth,” she says, easing out of my embrace. She wraps her arms around herself. “I love you enough to protect you from my father. As much as I love the old bastard, I know how ruthless he is. I know it’s no idle threat. I would die if you died, Leo, so I would rather live my life missing you every single second of every minute of every hour of every day, knowing you are still out there somewhere, living your life without me in it.”
“Amore mio.” I lace my fingers in hers. “Cuore mio.” Tears fill my eyes, and my heart feels like it’s about to burst, such is the intensity of the pain in my chest. “You will always be with me, and I will always be with you.”
“Maybe in the next lifetime, we will get to be together,” she says, smiling sadly before ripping her hand from mine and yanking the door open. “Until then,” she whispers, looking at me one final time as tears roll down her face. “Stay safe, my love.”
And then she leaves.
Taking every single part of my heart with her.
26
Leo
“Was it the Grecos? Have they found out?” I ask Angelo as I pace his office on Monday morning.
“No.” He leans forward on his elbows, the strain showing on his face. He looks like shit and as bad as I feel. “They bought the Colombian angle, and I have men on the inside. This wasn’t their doing.”
“Then who?”
“Sit down, Leonardo. You’re making me dizzy.”
I drop into the chair in front of his desk, staring sullenly at the empty chair beside me, where Mateo would normally sit. I gulp back the lump in my throat and grip the armrests tight. “Who did this and why?”
“I think it was the Russians.” He rubs his hands up and down his face.
