“It was more that we realized we needed to know in case there were other genetic issues we needed to be aware of.”
“Like Caz’s mom having Parkinson’s.”
I nod. “Exactly.” We found out about Mrs. Evans just after Bishop was diagnosed and it was a no-brainer by then. We won’t take risks with our kids’ lives, and it’s better to know the full familial history so we are prepared for any future situations.
“I still don’t understand what the issue is,” Jazz says, biting into her apple.
I take another sip of water, before slouching in my chair. I flip the bottle cap between my fingers as I get to the heart of the matter. “The paternity tests revealed Galen is Bishop’s bio dad, Theo is Luna’s bio dad, and Caz is Rora’s.”
Awareness sparks to life in her eyes. “Saint is upset none of them are his.”
I bob my head. “Out of all my husbands, Saint has always been the most possessive, the most alpha. The instant we got the results, I knew he’d feel left out. That he’d want to rectify the situation.”
“Don’t you want any more kids?”
I straighten up, leaning my elbows on the table. “Honestly, I’d have a football field full of kids. I love babies. I adore my children. That’s not it.” I gulp over the pained lump in my throat. “We’ve been trying for eight months, and I’m still not pregnant.”
Her features soften. “That’s not too long. Especially when you’ve given birth to three kids within four years. Your body probably needs some time to recover before it’s ready to go again.”
“That could be true, but Saint is a man on a mission, and it’s taking over everything.” Pain slices across my chest. “He’s obsessed, Jazz. He knows my cycle better than I know it myself. He’s read every book he can get his hands on. He practically forces vitamins and health smoothies down my throat. I’m afraid to indulge in snacks because I see the look he gives me if I dare put anything unhealthy into my body. He makes the others use condoms so I don’t accidentally get pregnant by them, and he actually suggested last week that I should abstain from sex with my other husbands so my body is less tired and more ready for him. He’s starting to sound legit crazy. He’s unpredictable and erratic, and sometimes, when he’s fucking me, he seems angry, as if he hates me.” A sob rips from my chest, and I hang my head, my body shaking as deep-seated anguish races through me.
“Oh, Harlow.” She reaches out, taking my hand again. “Why didn’t you tell me any of this before?”
I lift my head, looking her in the face. “Saint is a proud guy, and he didn’t want anyone to know. He asked me not to mention it to you or Denise, and I didn’t want to go against his wishes.”
“I understand, and I’m not mad. I’m just upset you’ve been dealing with this alone. I should’ve been there for you.”
“I don’t know what to do, and it’s getting worse.” Tears are dripping down my face, and I’m powerless to stop them. “I have loved sex from the minute I became sexually active, but I’m starting to dread sex with Saint because it’s not enjoyable anymore. He’s all cold and clinical.” My sobs pick up in earnest, and she rounds the desk, wrapping her arms around me. “He came home last night, and he didn’t even say hello to me. It was all “you’re ovulating, we need to fuck,” and I actually flinched when he tried to touch me after the deed was done.”
My lower lip wobbles as I peer into her face. “I’m terrified this is taking over our lives and ruining what I have with him. And if that happens, it will ruin the whole family dynamic. Worse, what if I can’t get pregnant? What if I can’t give him the child he so desperately desires? I’ll feel like a failure, and I don’t know if he’ll ever be able to forgive me.”
“It might not be your fault, Lo. Have you considered that maybe the issue is with Saint? Maybe you should both get tested.”
My chest heaves painfully. “I have considered that, but it would only make things worse. I’d rather I was the failure than Saint thinking it’s him. If he can’t father children, it will devastate him, Jazz.” I swallow over the anguished lump in my throat. “If it was anyone but Saint, they’d deal with it. But Saint won’t handle it well. I know he won’t. He…”
I bury my head in my hands, full-on sobbing, while Jazz hugs me, rubbing a soothing hand up and down my back. “It’s going to be okay, Lo.”
“I wish I could believe that,” I rasp, looking at her through blurry eyes.
“You have had three healthy babies. You’re still young, and you have plenty of time to get pregnant. Even if there are any issues, there are so many options nowadays. Youwillhave another baby. I feel it in my bones.” She bites on the corner of her lip. “Do you want to know what I think?”
“Always.” I nod, sniffling, accepting the tissue she hands to me.
“I think all this stress is stopping you from getting pregnant. I’m no doctor, but this can’t be helping.”
“I think you’re right, but how do I handle this? I’m afraid to say any of this to Saint because I don’t want to hurt his feelings. And I can’t talk to the others because it’s not fair to put them in the middle of this.”
She wipes moisture off my cheeks. “I’m surprised you haven’t spoken to them because communication has always been key in your relationship. I’ve envied you that. You can ask Ken. He’ll tell you I’ve told him our marriage needs to be built on open communication like yours.”
“This is different.”
“It is.” She returns to her seat, handing me another tissue. “This is when communication is even more important. You love Saint and he loves you. He wants a baby with you, and you want a baby with him. You both want the same thing. It’s the way you are going about it that’s all wrong, and if you don’t speak up now, irreparable damage may be caused to your relationship.”
She is not telling me anything I don’t know, but hearing Jazz say it gives me the confidence boost I’ve been lacking. I’m Harlow fucking Westbrook, and I don’t run from anything. Especially not from difficult conversations with one of the men I love. And I never lie down and accept defeat. Determination zips through my veins, and I blot the last of my tears from my eyes, the first hint of a genuine smile appearing on my lips. “You’re right, and I needed you to tell me that.” I get up, and Jazz stands. I pull her into a hug. “Thank you.”
“It’s going to be okay, Harlow. I just know it is. Get your relationship with Saint back on track. Remove the pressure, and everything will happen naturally, I bet.”
“Can you handle things if I take off?” There is no time like the present. None of the guys are working today, and I know they will either be in the pool or at our private beach with the kids, so it’s the perfect time to pull Saint aside for a private conversation.
