Ben and I exchange a look, and my heart pounds in my chest with the intense way he’s staring at me. Ben always has this way of looking at me that feels like he really sees me. Like he can dive through my outer layer and see what lies beneath.
And why does he have to be so gorgeous and so irresistible? He hasn’t shaved, and the five o’clock shadow on his face only adds to his sexiness, but it’s his eyes that always get me. They are a stunning blue, with a silvery sheen that makes them pop, and I could stare into his eyes all day long.
I want nothing more than to lean over and kiss him, but he’s not mine to kiss, and he probably won’t ever be. He may have feelings for me, but it’s clear from the things he said that he won’t allow it to go any further. Or maybe he did just say those things to calm me down and I’m imagining feelings that don’t exist. I’ve been seesawing back and forth all night trying to figure it out, but there is no point torturing myself because it’s not going to happen. My head agrees it’s the most logical approach.
After all, this is about Rowan.
Not me and his father.
But try telling that to my lovesick heart.
“Yay!” Rowan flings his arms around me, almost knocking me off balance, as Ben straightens up. “Thanks, Mom. I love you.”
“I love you too, Firecracker.” I dot kisses all over his adorable face. “So, so much.”
Ben offers me his hand when Rowan lets go, helping to pull me to my feet. I swear his eyes look glassy for a split-second, but it could be my overactive imagination at work again.
“I want to show you my picture. I drawed the universe.” Rowan tugs on Ben’s hand, and I smile, nodding my consent. They wander off, and I put on my boots, needing some fresh air. My head is a little sore after all the champagne last night, and I could use a cold breeze to blast the cobwebs from my skull.
“Are we heading out?” Alesso asks, grabbing his coat from the coatrack in the hall.
“I need a walk.” It’s well into October, and it’s decidedly chilly, so I button up my coat and wrap my scarf around my neck.
Alesso disappears, to update Ben, no doubt, returning a minute later. “Come on.”
We step outside and walk toward the park in amicable silence, at first. The park is deserted this early on a Sunday morning, and I welcome the peace and serenity as we walk the most popular trail through the woods.
“I’m sorry I interrupted last night,” Alesso says, pushing some stray branches aside for me.
“It’s fine. It was most likely for the best.”
“Ben would probably kill me if he heard me say this, but he has feelings for you. I’ve seen the way he looks at you when he thinks no one is watching, and Leo said everyone saw it in Vegas.”
I’m pretty sure Vegas was just lust for Ben. I laugh. “Vegas meant nothing to him, Alesso. He couldn’t wait to get rid of me the next day.” Although, it’s probably come to mean more to him retrospectively if his commitment to spending time with Rowan is any indication.
“He deliberately pushed you away, Sierra.” Alesso shoves his hands in his pockets as a gust of wind slams into us. “He doesn’t get attached on purpose, but it’s more than that. He hasn’t been interested in any woman the way I see he is interested in you. He has never let any female get close to him. You are the only exception, and I think you scare him a lot. It’s dangerous for men in his position to care about others, and he’s paranoid about keeping you both safe.”
“I get that, and his fear is palpable. I don’t know much about the way your world works, and I’m not sure I ever want to know, but I know enough. It’s dangerous. Being associated with him is dangerous, but it’s not like we can change the situation. Rowan is his flesh and blood, and I could never keep him away from his son. Not now I see how they are with one another.”
“It’s beautiful,” Alesso agrees as we step out of the forest onto the path at the back of the park. “You and Rowan are changing him, and he might not see it, but he needs that.” Alesso gently takes my arm, and his features soften. “I think you do too.” He smiles. “I see the way you look at him as well, and I’m rooting for you guys.”
I gulp over the messy ball of emotion clogging my throat, but I don’t respond because I’m not sure how to.
“Don’t give up on him,” he adds, letting go of my arm. “I know he’s an ass at the best of times, but be patient. He’s a good man.”
“You seem so sure of that, yet I’ve seen him angry at you a lot.”
Alesso grins as we stroll side by side around the far side of the park. “That’s only because he’s struggling to control his emotions around you, and he’s jealous.” He narrows his eyes, pinning me with a chastising look. “You were a brat last night. You deliberately goaded him.”
I hold my head up, meeting his gaze with one of my own. “I refuse to apologize. He deserved it for bringing that woman on purpose to piss me off.”
Alesso chuckles. “I admire a woman who fights back, but next time, find someone else to use against him. I know Ben is a good man, but he’s a dangerous man too, and we can only push him so far. His loyalty to me has been tested a few times in recent months, and I’d rather not push him to the edge. I value breathing.”
I can’t tell if he’s joking or serious, and I decide to change the topic because I don’t want to discuss that side of Ben. Plus, Alesso isn’t often talkative, and I want to take advantage of his present openness. “How did you end up in this life anyway?”
He grimaces. “It’s not a pleasant story.”
“It won’t make me think any less of you,” I say, sensing that might hold him back.
