“Good. That’s exactly how I prefer it.”
“The rest of the time she looked equal parts hurt and besotted.” Her blue eyes pin mine in place. “Don’t destroy her, Benny. Let your heart feel.” Her hand sweeps along my cheek. “Would it be so bad to let yourself love her?”
“You know it would,” I say in a clipped tone. “It’s not going to happen. Whatever fantasy you’ve conjured up is all in your head.” My grip tightens on her waist.
“Ease up there, tiger,” Natalia says. “If you keep it up, you’ll leave bruises, and the last thing I want is Gino leveling more accusations at me.”
Retracting my gaze from Sierra, I focus on my sister’s beautiful face. “Is there something I should know?” I search over her shoulder for her husband. If he has hurt her, I will level him. I don’t care what kind of political maelstrom it would cause within The Commission. No one hurts my loved ones and lives to tell the tale.
“It’s nothing.” She attempts to deflect it, probably because she spots the murderous intent on my face.
“Don’t lie to me. Either tell me or I’ll ask Gino myself.”
Her chest heaves. “It’s nothing new.”
Understanding dawns on me. “This is about Leo.”
She nods, and her eyes dart to the side. I twirl us around so I’m facing the other direction, my gaze meeting Leo’s. He’s dancing with Georgia Lawson, but he’s barely paying any attention to my future mother-in-law, staring wistfully in Natalia’s direction.
It seems I’m not the only man being painfully obvious tonight.
“He’s in love with you,” I quietly say.
“I know,” she whispers. Her eyes lose a bit of their shine as sadness washes over her features.
I won’t ask if she returns his feelings, because it’s irrelevant. She is married to Gino Accardi, stepmother to his twin sons, and death is the only way of escaping her reality. “Are you unhappy? Do you want me to have a word with him?” Wives are respected in the New Yorkfamiglia. There is no obligation on any man to love his wife, or even to remain faithful to her, but there is an expectation of respect and kindness.
“I’m not unhappy, per se.” Natalia grips my shoulders more firmly. “He treats me well, and he loves me, in his own way, but he’s notinlove with me, and I’m not in love with him.”
“You know this is the way of our world. You know it better than me. You have grown up understanding the reality of being a daughter within thefamiglia.”
“Do you think that makes it any easier to accept? I know it was hard for you growing up ignorant of the truth. I saw how you struggled when Father first brought you to New York and you were initiated. But sometimes I think you were lucky, Benny. You got to live a real life. To make your own choices. And while I know this wasn’t what you wanted at first, you have forged your own path in this world, and you get to make your own decisions. You still have control, which is something I have never had.”
“I didn’t know you felt like that,” I admit, ashamed I never stopped to consider what it must have been like for Natalia.
“What was the point in articulating it? It wouldn’t have changed anything. I have always known I was destined to marry for thefamiglia. I have always known it wouldn’t be my choice.” Her eyes briefly find Leo’s again, and I hurt for my sister and my friend. Breath rattles in her chest as she places her palm right over my heart.
“At least I am still breathing, and your heart still beats. Unlike Mateo.” Pain shimmers in her eyes, like it does anytime she mentions our brother. I never got to meet him, but Natalia grew up with him, and by all accounts, they were close. “We are alive, and we are fortunate in a lot of ways.” She smiles, all trace of sadness vanishing from her face. “Excuse my selfishness. I don’t indulge often. I prefer to focus on the positives. Dwelling on the what-ifs is pointless. You need to tell Leo that. He needs to move forward with his life. He should be married by now.”
I don’t tell her he refuses to marry because, deep down, my sister knows. This is the most honest conversation we have had about her and my best friend. The closest she has come to confirming she feels the same way he does. But it makes no difference. They can’t be together, and that’s not changing any time soon.
27
BEN
“Iwant to talk to her,” Natalia says, bluntly changing the subject, as she gestures in Sierra’s direction.
“Absolutely not.” I don’t trust Natalia not to say something she shouldn’t to Sierra. She is giddy over the prospect of a sister-in-law, and she can’t wait to meet Rowan. The old man is eagerly anticipating meeting his grandson too, and I will have to arrange a visit soon. Angelo’s days are numbered, and I don’t want to deprive him of the opportunity to meet Rowan. I will need to start pushing Sierra to make our engagement official, to agree on a time to tell Rowan the truth, and then they will move into my Greenwich property. I don’t care how much she fights me over it. It’s happening, whether she approves or not.
I glance at the couple still dancing beside us, scowling as I watch Alessandro twirl Sierra around the floor. Her head is thrown back, her cheeks are flushed, her eyes excited, and she’s laughing like she’s having the time of her life.
“You don’t control me, Benny,” Natalia says, sliding out of my arms and making a beeline for Sierra.
I curse under my breath.
What is it with the women in my life?
None of them listen to a damn word I say.
