“There is so much you don’t know. Things I wish I could tell you, but it’s not safe. Trust me when I say you are better off not knowing.”
“Ignorance is debilitating if it means I can’t protect myself. Knowledge is power, Tony, and if it’s something I need to know, then tell me,” I plead.
“The only truth you need is Bennett Mazzone is bad news. He’s no good for you, and you need to steer clear of him.” Planes fly overhead, reminding me I have a flight to catch. “You should go. You can’t miss your flight.”
“You’re really not going to tell me?”
He shakes his head. “It’s better this way.”
I recognize defeat when I see it, and I trust Tony. I know he has my best interests at heart. Sucks to be excluded from the truth, but I have no choice. “I don’t like being kept in the dark, but I’ll drop it.” Reaching into my purse, I withdraw the bulky brown padded envelope. “This is for you.” I offer it to him. “Fifty K is all I could get at short notice, but it should keep you afloat for a while.”
“I don’t want your money.” He pushes my hand away.
I shove the envelope at his chest. “Take it, Tony. I know you’ll need it.” There is no way he can stay in New York now. It’s too risky after he just took out five men. I still can’t believe it. I’ve never seen Tony harm a fly, and he took out five men like he was a hardened killer.
Is everyone?
“I never really knew Ben, and I’m guessing I never really knew you either,” I say, memorizing his face because I’m pretty sure we’ll never see one another again. “Irrespective of who you are or aren’t, I know everything you have done has been done to protect me, so thank you. Thank you for keeping me and my unborn child safe.”
“I hope you know it’s been an honor protecting you. An honor to watch you grow up. I wish we didn’t have to part ways like this.”
“Me too,” I whisper, fighting to keep the tenuous hold on my emotions. Pregnancy hormones are riding me like a bitch, and I wonder if this is what the next few months have in store for me.
“Stay strong, Sierra.” Tony pulls me into a hug. “And stay safe.”
14
SIERRA
After rolling my yoga mat and putting it away, I wipe the light sheen of sweat from my brow as I stare out the window of my bedroom at the rear garden of our house. Rain drops from the sky in painful sheets, pummeling the ground below, coating the shrubs, flowers, and plants in a heavy layer of water. It’s beautiful. Like Chicago is taking a giant communal shower. If I didn’t have to get ready for our usual Sunday family dinner charade, I would paint this view. I might be weird, but I love the rain and snow, and I would happily vacation in a colder climate over a hot one.
I pop my vitamins before stripping out of my workout clothes and stepping into the shower. I’m calm as I go over everything in my mind while I soap my body and wash my hair.
It’s been one week since I returned from New York, and I’ve been busy putting my plans in motion. My cases are already packed and loaded in the back of my SUV. I only took the essentials from my wardrobe and my studio. I can buy anything else I need. I’ve rented a small apartment in the city, close to Loyola, that I will use in the short-term.
After I’m dry and my hair is blow-dried straight, I pour myself into a red bodycon dress and slip my feet into my black Louboutins. I was tempted to paint a big scarlet A and stick it to my chest, but I don’t think anyone would appreciate the humor.
Stepping into the formal living room, I see my sisters are already here with their husbands. Elisa’s cute dark head is bent over her doll as she sits on the carpet, playing, in front of Serena’s feet. I wish I had spent more time with my niece when she was a baby. That I had put aside my differences with Serena and offered to help. While my relationship with Saskia has always been fractured, there was no contention or falling out with Serena—we’re just not close.
Serena tended to do stuff with Saskia because they were the closest in age. There are eight years between me and Saskia and five years between me and Serena, and I was a little kid when they were teenagers, so I was naturally left out. However, Serena has never been cruel in the way Saskia is cruel. It’s more that I felt invisible around her growing up, and I didn’t bother trying to get close to her when I became an adult. Relationships are two-way streets though, and in this moment, I realize I have made no effort with my sister. Something I hope to rectify someday.
“Why are you always the last to arrive? Every Sunday is the same,” Saskia says, pinning her cutting green eyes on me. I hate the whiny parental tone she has always used around me. “You live here, and you have no one to attend to but yourself, so there’s really no excuse.”
“Maybe I do it to piss you off,” I quip, shaking my head when Maria—one of the many maids Mom employs to run the household—attempts to hand me a glass of wine. “I’ll have a water, please.”
“Do you hear this?” Saskia eyeballs my father. He’s seated in one of the high-backed leather armchairs in front of a roaring fire, discreetly talking to Alfred and Felix.
“Don’t interrupt, darling,” Felix says, sending his wife a pointed “shut the fuck up” look I already know she’ll ignore.
“Daddy.” Saskia pouts. “Are you going to let Sierra speak to me like that?”
“Are we really doing this again?” I sigh. It’s the same old tired crap every week.
“Stop winding your sister up,” Father says, not even looking in our direction as he continues his conversation with the men.
Saskia’s mouth pulls tight. She hates when she can’t claim his attention, but she would never call him out on it. She knows how to pull his strings, and she pulls them with practiced ease.
I smile at Maria when she hands me a tall glass of sparkling Pellegrino with lemon, lime, and crushed ice, bracing myself for Saskia’s next assault because I know it’s coming.
