Conscious of the others, I break the kiss, because I don’t want to prolong their agony. Taking Saint’s hand, I drag him over to the couch. We sit down beside Galen, and Caz distributes beers.
“You know I’m not one for sugarcoating things,” I start. “So, I won’t beat around the bush.” I let my gaze rake over each one of them. “I love you all. So fucking much. Choosing to marry only one of you was killing me until I realized I was overlooking the most important thing.” I grab hold of Galen’s and Saint’s hands, fixing my gaze on Theo and Caz who are seated on the couch across from us. “I’m not just marrying one of you. I’m marryingallof you.”
“What do you mean?” Caz asks, looking perplexed.
“I want a commitment ceremony with all of you, and it will be as binding as the legal marriage ceremony to me.”
“What’s a commitment ceremony?” Saint inquires.
I twist around so I’m facing him. “I researched it in the early hours this morning. It’s what a lot of people do in polyamorous relationships. We commit our love in a ceremony that binds us together in our hearts.” Nerves jangle in my chest. “It won’t be legal, but I would view it in the same way. It’s for us and only us.”
I don’t care whether society views our relationship as wrong, and I sure as fuck don’t care that they wouldn’t recognize my other three husbands. All I care about is us doing this together as a commitment of sharing our lives together. To me, doing this is more permanent than any marriage certificate because we are willingly choosing to commit ourselves to this relationship.
“I love it,” Caz says. “And I don’t need to think about it. I’m in.”
“It’s perfect,” Galen adds, tucking my hair behind my ear. “I want to do it.”
“I already know I’ll love you till my dying days,” Theo supplies. “And I want to commit to you.”
Air whooshes out of my mouth in grateful relief, and I smile as I probe Saint’s face. “What are your thoughts?”
“We’re already committed as far as I’m concerned.” He grips my chin. “But if this makes it more formal, then hell yeah. We’re doing it.”
The guys share grins, and my heart swells to bursting point. “Good, because I’ve already been talking with a lady who conducts these ceremonies, but I didn’t set anything up, because I didn’t want to presume anything.”
“None of us have any doubts,” Galen says. “You are it for us.”
I’m choked with emotion, and my voice trembles as I speak. “And you are it for me.”
“What about the legal wedding?” Saint asks.
“I would be happy to marry any of you. I hope you all know that.” They bob their heads. “I’ve thought about it nonstop since you brought it up yesterday, and I have my reasons for the decision I’ve made. I’m not getting into it, unless any of you need to know.” I don’t want to hurt anyone or force Caz and Theo into discussing their feelings, when they’ve only just agreed to set those aside until Theo feels more ready to confront them, so I’d rather not elaborate on my decision, unless I have to.
“Just tell us,” Saint says, squeezing my hand tighter.
Anticipation bleeds into the air, and I swallow over the lump in my throat as I twist around so I’m looking Saint directly in the face. Our knees brush, sending a jolt of electricity shooting up my leg.
“I want it to be you.”
I peer deep into his eyes. Shock splays across his face, and he goes deathly still. He stares at me like he can’t believe I just said that. I’m smiling as I clasp his face in my hands. “So, what do you say, Saintly? Wanna marry me?”
CHAPTER 14
HIS LIPS MELDto mine as he scoops me onto his lap, kissing me frantically as pure, liquid emotion seeps from his lips to mine. “Really?” he asks, pressing his forehead to mine when he breaks the kiss.
“Really.” I stare into his awestruck blue eyes. “I love you, and I want the world to know I’m yours.” I lift my head from his, glancing over my shoulder at the others. “That I’m all of yours.”
I inspect their faces for any hint of upset, finding none. In fact, I’d almost say they are relieved. These guys are as close as brothers, so they know what it would’ve done to Saint if I hadn’t chosen him. They are happy I’ve made this decision, and another layer of stress lifts off my shoulders with that realization.
Theo clears his throat, his eyes popping wide and head nodding as he stares at Saint.
“Stand up,” Saint says, all traces of disbelief gone from his tone. I let him pull me up as Theo, Galen, and Caz come around to stand beside Saint. I spot Theo subtly passing something to Saint behind their backs.
As one, they drop to their knees before me, and a gasp leaves my mouth.
“We did this all wrong yesterday,” Galen says. “This is how it should’ve gone down.”
Saint produces a little black box, popping the lid, and I can’t stop the tears from flowing as I stare at the stunning ring. It’s not a traditional engagement ring with one diamond but a row of five deep-blue stones, rimmed in tiny fine diamonds, set within a thick platinum band.
